It snuck up on me too. I was on the treadmill and could feel a headache coming on. Usually it takes headdaches to build up but this one is like someone struck me with a damn baseball bat.
I only managed to do a little bit of weight lifting and about 17mins on the treadmill before I had to stop.
This headache is piercing and just fucking awful.
Damnit, it figures, as soon as I start, I have to fucking stop.
Just took some tylenol and am about to go lay down. I'll start back up as soon as it's gone.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day #1 of losing the fat
Just ate lunch of 4 (yes 4) boiled eggs and I'm drinking a cup of milk and took my plethora of pills.
Red Clover- 2 tablets twice a day. It's supposed to help cysts rupture sooner.
Vitex- 1 pill twice a day.
Evening Primrose Oil- 1 pill a day
Hoodia- 2 pills an hour before meals
Omega-3 Fish Oil- 1 pill a day.
along with my metformin, B6, prenatal, and synthroid. That's a lot of shit. AND I have even more stuff coming in the mail. The milk thistle and estrotone or whatever it's called.
I weighed myself this morning and it was 227.8.
I can look in the mirror and see that skinny bitch waiting to climb out of this fat suit.
So my goal is to be down at least 27 lbs in a month. Can I do it? I'm sure going to try. That's a lot of weight to lose in a relatively short amount of time.
Exercise today is going to be tough though. I can already feel it. I'm really not tryng to psych myself out or anything.
AF is on her way out but she's totally draining me of energy right now. I even got a really restful sleep, but woke up feeling like I could've slept at least a few more hours.
So it's going to be tough to get things going.
So yeah that's it so far. While I'm waiting about an hour for my food to digest a bit... looking up some inspirational shit to get me pumped up.
These 27lbs better ALL come from my face, stomach and arms lol. I an deal with having a big badonkadonk for now, I just want to get the top half of me looking better.
I HATE having this stomach. Hate hate hate hate hate it! I mean hell, I see so many overweight women, and I get jealous of them b/c they don't have the belly fat. Or well, as much belly fat. Wish I was so lucky.
Red Clover- 2 tablets twice a day. It's supposed to help cysts rupture sooner.
Vitex- 1 pill twice a day.
Evening Primrose Oil- 1 pill a day
Hoodia- 2 pills an hour before meals
Omega-3 Fish Oil- 1 pill a day.
along with my metformin, B6, prenatal, and synthroid. That's a lot of shit. AND I have even more stuff coming in the mail. The milk thistle and estrotone or whatever it's called.
I weighed myself this morning and it was 227.8.
I can look in the mirror and see that skinny bitch waiting to climb out of this fat suit.
So my goal is to be down at least 27 lbs in a month. Can I do it? I'm sure going to try. That's a lot of weight to lose in a relatively short amount of time.
Exercise today is going to be tough though. I can already feel it. I'm really not tryng to psych myself out or anything.
AF is on her way out but she's totally draining me of energy right now. I even got a really restful sleep, but woke up feeling like I could've slept at least a few more hours.
So it's going to be tough to get things going.
So yeah that's it so far. While I'm waiting about an hour for my food to digest a bit... looking up some inspirational shit to get me pumped up.
These 27lbs better ALL come from my face, stomach and arms lol. I an deal with having a big badonkadonk for now, I just want to get the top half of me looking better.
I HATE having this stomach. Hate hate hate hate hate it! I mean hell, I see so many overweight women, and I get jealous of them b/c they don't have the belly fat. Or well, as much belly fat. Wish I was so lucky.
There ya go
Whew... ok
So I'm feeling better now that I've cried it all out. I'm still really bummed, but I don't feel like ripping DH's face off any longer and don't feel like crying in a corner.
I'm trying to get myself pumped up to start exercising. I'm starting tomorrow.
Read that with large cysts, it's best not to do really vigorous exercises b/c it can cause your ovary to twist or something? *shrugs*
Not sure how big they meant, but I'm going to keep that in mind and mainly do the eliptical and treadmill along with weight training.
Going to really try to do better on the treadmill. I tend to really slack off and only walk on it. Which did work for a while, but I never really saw any weight loss from that.. My leg muscles got really toned though.
I've slacked off with this weight issue long enough. I guess this forced break has kind of opened my eyes.
I'm also going to be dieting as well. Going to try to cut down on my red meat intake.
I'm going to try to reduce my carbs, but I gotta have my white rice. I know brown or wild is better for you, but hell, all of those Asian people are skinny as hell and white rice is a main part of their diets, so can't be that damn bad lol.
I'm also going to reduce my diet soda intake and up my water consumption. I hate plain water, but well, gotta do what ya gotta do. I know Aspartame is bad for you but damn if I don't love carbinated drinks!
I'll try to reduce my diet sodas to once or twice a day.
I'm also going to try out Hoodia. I bought the pills about a month ago and haven't opened them yet.
Did tonight though and took 2 of them.
We'll see how they work. I mean I really don't have a problem with snacking, or anything like that. If I do snack, it's usually on applesauce, or baby dill pickles or something. So nothing bad, but maybe the hoodia will help with me reducing how much I eat during my meals. If I don't feel hungry when I usually eat, maybe I'll eat less.
My goal is to be at 200 by my cd35. So a little over a month from now, I want to be down around 30lbs.
I weighed myself today before my shower and it read 229. We'll see what it's at tomorrow morning before I eat anything.
I'm trying to get myself pumped up to start exercising. I'm starting tomorrow.
Read that with large cysts, it's best not to do really vigorous exercises b/c it can cause your ovary to twist or something? *shrugs*
Not sure how big they meant, but I'm going to keep that in mind and mainly do the eliptical and treadmill along with weight training.
Going to really try to do better on the treadmill. I tend to really slack off and only walk on it. Which did work for a while, but I never really saw any weight loss from that.. My leg muscles got really toned though.
I've slacked off with this weight issue long enough. I guess this forced break has kind of opened my eyes.
I'm also going to be dieting as well. Going to try to cut down on my red meat intake.
I'm going to try to reduce my carbs, but I gotta have my white rice. I know brown or wild is better for you, but hell, all of those Asian people are skinny as hell and white rice is a main part of their diets, so can't be that damn bad lol.
I'm also going to reduce my diet soda intake and up my water consumption. I hate plain water, but well, gotta do what ya gotta do. I know Aspartame is bad for you but damn if I don't love carbinated drinks!
I'll try to reduce my diet sodas to once or twice a day.
I'm also going to try out Hoodia. I bought the pills about a month ago and haven't opened them yet.
Did tonight though and took 2 of them.
We'll see how they work. I mean I really don't have a problem with snacking, or anything like that. If I do snack, it's usually on applesauce, or baby dill pickles or something. So nothing bad, but maybe the hoodia will help with me reducing how much I eat during my meals. If I don't feel hungry when I usually eat, maybe I'll eat less.
My goal is to be at 200 by my cd35. So a little over a month from now, I want to be down around 30lbs.
I weighed myself today before my shower and it read 229. We'll see what it's at tomorrow morning before I eat anything.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Well.... I WAS ok...
Today has just been awful.
I was worried all day about my appointment. I was hoping everything would be ok, but I knew deep down that I'd have cysts.
And I was right.
I have 4 large cysts. 1 on my left, 3 on my right. 2 of them on the right are HUGE. And I mean over 50mm big.
I'm pretty much devastated, defeated, angry, everything in the book emotion-wise.
I can't help but feel like nothing is ever going to work. I mean hell, the cycle that DID work, ended up doing THIS to me.
The PA told me we could keep trying, but damn woman, when I don't fucking ovulate on my own, what makes you think I will this time? And even if I do, with these monstrous things in the way, I doubt anything would happen. Hell, it would probably be yet another cyst that gets gigantic.
And who knows how long it's going to take for these behemoths to go away on their own. Could be one cycle, could be more than one. So we could be potentially waiting until August to start TTC again.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
And my god damn husband hasn't helped one damn bit. He's so fucking clueless. I don't ask for much comforting b/c I know he's not really used to giving it... he's just a clueless typical guy when it comes to things like that.
But I REALLY needed it today. I mean just a hug, or some reassurances that everything would be ok would've been great, but nothing.
And I know he wanted this to happen. Maybe not THIS way, but I know he wanted to take a break. I know he was sick of taking off of work to take me to my appointments. I know he likes the money we're going to save not having to do injections, blahblahblah.
Plus he somehow thinks that if I lose weight I'll magically be cured of everything and will be normal and regular and all of that rainbow spewing out my ass bullshit. I've always told him that even when I was skinnier (around 150lbs), my cycles were STILL very irregular.
And I know he's happy, b/c he wants to visit his friend in Dec. And me not being hugely pregnant would make that a lot easier.
I am going to focus more on losing weight while we wait, but not for him. Fuck him and his clueless unsupportive ass.
I also bought some stuff called Estrotone. It has black cohosh and other shit in it. Says it's supposed to help w/ cysts or something. Also bought some milk thistle that is supposed to help with your liver, which should help with the cysts.
The PA said if nada by cd35 (July 17th), then call to get some provera. FUCK... so if nothing by then, 7 days of provera... then about 5 days to get AF....... It's going to be August, and even then, the cysts might not be gone.
Fucking monkey balls!
I was worried all day about my appointment. I was hoping everything would be ok, but I knew deep down that I'd have cysts.
And I was right.
I have 4 large cysts. 1 on my left, 3 on my right. 2 of them on the right are HUGE. And I mean over 50mm big.
I'm pretty much devastated, defeated, angry, everything in the book emotion-wise.
I can't help but feel like nothing is ever going to work. I mean hell, the cycle that DID work, ended up doing THIS to me.
The PA told me we could keep trying, but damn woman, when I don't fucking ovulate on my own, what makes you think I will this time? And even if I do, with these monstrous things in the way, I doubt anything would happen. Hell, it would probably be yet another cyst that gets gigantic.
And who knows how long it's going to take for these behemoths to go away on their own. Could be one cycle, could be more than one. So we could be potentially waiting until August to start TTC again.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
And my god damn husband hasn't helped one damn bit. He's so fucking clueless. I don't ask for much comforting b/c I know he's not really used to giving it... he's just a clueless typical guy when it comes to things like that.
But I REALLY needed it today. I mean just a hug, or some reassurances that everything would be ok would've been great, but nothing.
And I know he wanted this to happen. Maybe not THIS way, but I know he wanted to take a break. I know he was sick of taking off of work to take me to my appointments. I know he likes the money we're going to save not having to do injections, blahblahblah.
Plus he somehow thinks that if I lose weight I'll magically be cured of everything and will be normal and regular and all of that rainbow spewing out my ass bullshit. I've always told him that even when I was skinnier (around 150lbs), my cycles were STILL very irregular.
And I know he's happy, b/c he wants to visit his friend in Dec. And me not being hugely pregnant would make that a lot easier.
I am going to focus more on losing weight while we wait, but not for him. Fuck him and his clueless unsupportive ass.
I also bought some stuff called Estrotone. It has black cohosh and other shit in it. Says it's supposed to help w/ cysts or something. Also bought some milk thistle that is supposed to help with your liver, which should help with the cysts.
The PA said if nada by cd35 (July 17th), then call to get some provera. FUCK... so if nothing by then, 7 days of provera... then about 5 days to get AF....... It's going to be August, and even then, the cysts might not be gone.
Fucking monkey balls!
Ok so far
Just feeling a little anxious about my appointment later today. Really hope that there aren't any large cysts. GOD please let there not be any.
Really curious to know what dose of follistim they're going to start me on.
Also wish the appointment could've been done this morning, although it's super fricking hot out anyway. I'm gonna be sweating figurative balls during my appointment. Need to make sure to bring some flushable wipes so I don't gross anyone out with some sweat crotch.
Really curious to know what dose of follistim they're going to start me on.
Also wish the appointment could've been done this morning, although it's super fricking hot out anyway. I'm gonna be sweating figurative balls during my appointment. Need to make sure to bring some flushable wipes so I don't gross anyone out with some sweat crotch.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Grrrr, stupid leaking!!!
Why can't the blood just stay on the damn pad where it belongs!!! Why must I be uncomfortable all night long b/c I have to stay in one position that might not even work to keep me from leaking (which it didn't this time).
Why can't they just make super extra long pads, longer than the overnights for big girls damnit!!! I need extra coverage!
Anywho, my appointment with the RE is tomorrow. Wel, the RE isn't there, so appointment with the PA.
Why can't they just make super extra long pads, longer than the overnights for big girls damnit!!! I need extra coverage!
Anywho, my appointment with the RE is tomorrow. Wel, the RE isn't there, so appointment with the PA.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Yep....
Took a shower, put a pad on, went grocery shopping and AF started to flow.'
Whoop-di-fucking-do!
I am glad that I got her on my own, but damnit, I'm still angry that this cycle didn't work and we have to try again.
Whoop-di-fucking-do!
I am glad that I got her on my own, but damnit, I'm still angry that this cycle didn't work and we have to try again.
AF
Well, I'm fairly certain AF is starting today. Spotting red and it's getting heavier.
Not really sure how to feel.
I'm disappointed obviously, but that's it.
I mean really nothing more I could've done to improve our chances. SO I can't be mad at myself.
No reason to be mad at DH.
Just... disappointed that we're back at square one. My LP isn't that long either which bothers me. I'll have to talk to the RE about it.
And I'm really wondering about those tests.
Maybe they were just faulty tests. I KNOW there was color, but with the FRER's being negative, I'm leaning towards faulty.
Not really sure how to feel.
I'm disappointed obviously, but that's it.
I mean really nothing more I could've done to improve our chances. SO I can't be mad at myself.
No reason to be mad at DH.
Just... disappointed that we're back at square one. My LP isn't that long either which bothers me. I'll have to talk to the RE about it.
And I'm really wondering about those tests.
Maybe they were just faulty tests. I KNOW there was color, but with the FRER's being negative, I'm leaning towards faulty.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Spotting
Starting spotting at a little before 7 tonight.
Was taking my multiple metformin bathroom trips, and when I wiped on the 2nd one, there was some spotting.
It was brown at first, but has quickly turned to an orange color. Doesn't seem to be getting heavier, but it did just start.
Not a great luteal phase if I am only 11dpo. Right on the edge of being too short.
I hope it stops. Hope it's implantation bleeding. Or at the very least, hope that AF stays away until Monday. DH will be able to get off of work easier to take me to my appointments.
Sigh, this sucks. I thought waiting to test sucked, but this BLOWS.
Was taking my multiple metformin bathroom trips, and when I wiped on the 2nd one, there was some spotting.
It was brown at first, but has quickly turned to an orange color. Doesn't seem to be getting heavier, but it did just start.
Not a great luteal phase if I am only 11dpo. Right on the edge of being too short.
I hope it stops. Hope it's implantation bleeding. Or at the very least, hope that AF stays away until Monday. DH will be able to get off of work easier to take me to my appointments.
Sigh, this sucks. I thought waiting to test sucked, but this BLOWS.
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