Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year!!!!!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic new year. Getting their party on or relaxing or whatever you enjoy doing :)

Not too much going on here.
Symptoms keep coming and going and it's still worrying me to be honest. Not as much as before since I've gotten used to it, but I don't think I'm going to relax until I see everything is ok on Wed. At least I hope everything will be ok.

When I do get symptoms, they're still pretty mild. Mild nausea, some gagging still. I'm getting headaches but I think they're being caused by dehydration. I'm trying to drink a lot of water, but if I drink too much it makes me feel queasy so I don't want to drink more.
I really need to though, and def need a glass of water on my nightstand at night. I dunno what is happening in my body at night, but when I start waking up to use the bathroom, my mouth and throat are always dry like I haven't had anything to drink all day.

That's about it really.... Just wanted to update one last time this year *hardyharhar*....

I think 2012 is going to be a great year for a lot of us. I hope we all get our bundles of joy in this new year.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Ok less freaking out...

I can't be sure if it's nerves or not, but I started feeling gaggy again today while watching Netflix.
I ate a banana and an apple, but that didn't really help, but it went away on it's own anyway.
And just a little bit ago, I started having this weird slight pulling sensation in the uterus area. I hope that's the little jelly bean getting comfy in there.

OH last night, DH wanted to go to Bestbuy to get a couple of things that were on sale. Since Old Navy is on the way home, I wanted to stop there as well b/c they're having a kick ass sale and I wanted those critter caps they have.
Well we go and I snag 3 of them. A cute devil/horn one, donkey, and an owl. All orginal price of 19 and change... 75% off so was just under $5 each. WOO!

I wish they had them in adult sizes b/c I would totally dork out and wear them :P lol
I love the donkey one. The ears flap down and just looks SO cute!
But oh well, I'll just have to settle for putting them on our babies.. muahaha
I'm totally obsessed with baby caps w/ ears. SO frickin adorable and I swear, that's all our baby(s) will wear when it's cold heh

Going to start working on the nursery collage again soon. First I want to start getting ideas for the announcement cards. I know I want to do a simple popup, but not sure what else. Doing a popup seems easy enough thankfully. Yay for youtube tutorials :D

7 weeks

And still a basketcase.
I mean I've read so many women say that their symptoms come and go or disappeared completely only to return a few days to a week later, but that doesn't help at all.
I'm still so worried something is wrong.
I was up about 3 times last night to use the bathroom which is what I've been doing. That was a little reassuring.
And my boobs felt a little sore during that time.
Woke up today, and took a shower and boobs aren't sore at all.... so cue the worrying again. Sigh.
It's just that before, taking off my bra, my right boob in particular would throb, but absolutely nothing this morning.
They're now a little sore again but I dunno... it's still worrying me. I know it's probably annoying to read this once again but I can't help it :(

Monday, December 26, 2011

A quick experiement...

...with pee.

I took 2 wondfo tests. One b/c I wanted to comfort myself that yes, I am still pregnant, and b/c I was curious about how dark the lines would be.

If you don't know or haven't heard... once your HCG levels reach a certain point, HPTs will actually start to lighten up, but if you dillute the pee a little with water, it will show a nice dark line again.

I did this. I used a test w/ straight pee, then dilluted it a little with water.
I don't think I dilluted it enough, but it's obvious that the test line got darker once the pee wasn't as concentrated.
It's difficult to tell in the photo that there's a difference, but it's obvious IRL.
The top test is the straight urine one, bottom test is the dilluted.
I wonder if I had added more water, if it would've been even darker. *shrugs*

Alrighty... I'm off to distract myself with something....

Me? Worry?

What's new....

There's a whole lot of crazy about to be written here.......

So Christmas has come and gone. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Mine was good, and then the worry kicked in!
I am really freaking myself out and that can't be good.
I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow and I still have almost no symptoms and think some of them actually faded.
Like my sore bewbs. They were getting worse, but now, not so much. Well actually they are right now when pressed, and I do have them smooshed in to a sports bra so that is probably helping me not to notice, BUT pffft, that's too logical and of course I'm freaking out over when they weren't sore!!

And morning sickness? What's that? I had some moments of slight nausea for a couple of days, and sensitive gag reflex, but that has all but disappeared.
Who the hell knew that someone would want to feel nauseated so damn much??

Oh and the aching I had on my right O that was probably from the cyst I ovulated from? Feels totally fine. Yay right? WRONG!!! It's freaking me out b/c now I'm thinking maybe it dissolved b/c something is wrong and my body decided it didn't need it any longer!
I laid on my right side a lot last night and nothin!
BUT my left side is aching slightly now which has been happening (aches switching sides) for a while now. Does that calm me down any? NOPE. The lack of the right side ache just keeps me worried!!!

I feel like a big bag of crazy right now....

I just wish I felt pregnant so I would stop worrying, although I'm sure I'd find something to stress over.
I know it's still REALLY early still, but that makes me even more nervous b/c so much could go wrong still. I know they say once you see a heartbeat, the chances of miscarriage go down significantly, but yeah, tell that to all of those women that saw a h/b and still ended up m/cing! That's all I can think about! I'm going to be one of the unlucky ones :(

My logical side is trying to calm me down.. telling me it's normal to worry, everything is ok, I'm still having some symptoms, and even if I wasn't, symptoms can come and go, but pfffft, which side do you think I give in to? :P

SIGH! It's so tiring to worry so much. I just hope next Wed comes soon and everything is ok still.
My mom's birthday is the day after and I think I want to tell her then.

Saw her on Christmas and she started going on and on and on about how having animals in the house can cause infertility b/c she read it on the net *insert major eyeroll here*. I couldn't help it, I just laughed.
I wanted to tell her right then and there just to smash that load of BS, but nope.
I also want to tell her for a selfish reason. I know when she finds out, she's going to tell ALL of her friends... friends with A LOT of free shit to give to us! And damnit... I WANTS IT ALL! I know that's so awful and greedy but hey, the less we have to buy the better. Means more money we can save or buy other important things with.

Back to the crazy..... I just hope everything is ok. I can't imagine being in an area where it's normal to wait until week 9 or longer before a doctor even wants to see you or do an ultrasound!!
I don't think I'm going to stop worrying this entire pregnancy. That's normal right? Well... probably normal for most first timers, or women that have struggled or those that have had a loss.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Holidays!!

Just posting this now in case I don't post before Christmas arrives.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday or just a wonderful weekend :)

And may 2012 bring lots more sticky BFPs and babies :)

Just a thought... anyone else thinking about Dec 12th 2012? I think that's the day that the world is supposedly coming to an end? Or just some time in December of next year.
I think it's a load of BS, but hey, ya never know and it's not like we can exactly prevent it if it does happen, ya know.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Is it wrong....

... that I want to strangle women that complain about being pregnant??
Now I understand that not everyone enjoys being pregnant and all of the uncomfortable things that come with it, but I do not want to see it!!
I complain a hell of a lot as most of you know by now, but I will NEVER complain about being pregnant no matter how uncomfortable I am.
I may mention being uncomfy or how nausea sucks or something, but I will never say that I HATE being pregnant.
And to say it on a website where SO many women struggle to even ovulate?? Really???
I hope I don't make anyone mad that may be from the site I'm talking about but that just really rubbed me the wrong way.
Like I said, I understand the discomfort and needing to complain about whatever is bothering you, but to straight up say that you hate being pregnant on a website where the majority of the women struggle TTC and where the majority of the women that are currently pregnant struggled.... it's just insensitive.

If you don't like being pregnant, that is totally fine, not everyone enjoys it... but how about not posting it on particular sites like that? Be sensitive to those still having difficulties, to those that would give everything to get pregnant....

Thanks everyone :)

Thanks so much everyone for sticking through all of this and my paranoid ramblings lol.

I dunno... all of this just feels so weird still. I thought that after seeing our little bean and seeing the heartbeat would make this more real, but it did the exact opposite.
This feels like it should be someone else's life. It's just such a strange feeling to have. You would think I'd be thrilled, which I am, but yeah... I dunno.. just strange like I said.

Maybe once I get a real baby bump or feel the baby move it will start to really sink in lol... or maybe when the baby actually starts to look like a baby in u/s it will. I know this hasn't really sunk in with DH either lol.

I'm not sure, but I think I'm starting to get morning sickness. It's not bad or anything and like I said, I'm not sure, but I've experienced a few very quick mild nausea. It lasts for maybe a minute or 2, and I'll sometimes gag, and then it will go away. *shrugs* Having never gone through this before, I have NO idea what any of this is supposed to be like.

Monday, December 19, 2011

So frickin tired!!

I have to watch my 2 oldest nieces this week... or well, for 3 days b/c they're out of school and my brother and his wife have to work.

So... I didn't sleep well last night.
I had to get up to make DH breakfast at 5:40 in the morning and stay up b/c I had to leave to pick them up at 6:30..
They're 7 and 5 and constantly bicker!!! I love my nieces but good frackin lord they are aggrivating as hell!!!
I ended up taking them to a park for the last couple of hours and even there they constantly bug me! lol
Sigh, I do love the little squirts but I enjoy my solitude and chance to go back to sleep after fixing DH breakfast. *yawn*

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Xmas Project is done! YAY!

Well, I still have to repaint the chalkboard, but for the most part, it's finished. WOO!
I can't remember if I explained it here so I'll just repeat myself if I have.

I had a dream for this idea. I liked it so I made it.
It's made out of styrofoam. Painted w/ acrylic paints. The animals, letters and a few tiny details are those soft foam craft sheets you can buy anywhere that come in different colors.
I planned out each rectangle and put them all together to circle around the chalkboard, which will be in the middle and removeable so it can be easily washed.

And yeah, that's about it. It was fun to do and I learned a lot doing it... mostly what NOT to do, such as do NOT use permanent marker b/c it bleeds through the paint and is a PITA to cover up.
So yah, there it is. For my new little niece. She won't be able to use it for quite some time, but hopefully at least for a while she can enjoy the colors on it.

I plan on making one for myself to fit in w/ the fantasy theme of the nursery that I've been working on for forever heh.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Minor Scare

DH and I have only just started to BD again.
We DTD the other night and again last night.
Well, after we were done last night... I went to the bathroom to clean up some, and wiped away a tiny light streak of blood. It wasn't much at all and wasn't dark or anything.
I figured it probably was just from DTD, but it still scared me to see it.
Blood right now is NOT something I want to see!

Thankfully though, that was it. I put in my progest a little while later and nada, and using the bathroom, nada on the tp. So WHEW!

Holy crap my boobs KILL me whenever I take them out of my sports bra. Regular bra they're totally fine coming out of... but sports bra, I guess b/c they're kinda smooshed in, once they're out and gravity takes over. OUCH! It's mostly my right boob and it was throbbing before I hopped in the shower. Thankfully the warm water helps but still.....
Is it weird that that's comforting to me though? hehe

So ready and excited for Wed to get here already! I'm so worried still that it's not going to be in the right place, or that something is going to be wrong. I just want Wed to come so we can get some answers!!! Hopefully good ones!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Nope... still nothing

Ok, so I THOUGHT I may be getting more symptoms, but apparently not.
I know it's still really early, but it would be nice to start getting more for reassurance.

Speaking of reassurance... we went to Walmart yesterday and I couldn't resist. I grabbed an 88cent test and promptly used it when we finally got home along with some wondfos.

I know these tests aren't super sensitive, and this is def a great line on it, but greedy me was still kinda disappointed that the line wasn't darker. Don't shoot me! lol

Wondfos looking good still. I guess OPKs aren't going to get any darker. Thought they might act like HPTs do once the test line is darker than control (where the test seems to suck up the dye from the control), but nope...

Ok ok, I swear, no more test purchases!!! I do still have a lot of wondfos left, but think I'm just going to put them away.... finally.

In other news, almost done with the Xmas project I've been working on! YAY! Have I mentioned that here? Not sure if I have or not.
I had a dream a while ago and I liked the idea in it so made it a reality and am going to give it to SiL for her baby. It's not something she'll be able to use any time soon though :P
I'll post a photo of it when I'm done.

OOOO We bought our first baby purchase since finding out. We went across town to the Toys R Us. Saw this really cool fairy nightlight thing that would go GREAT w/ the nursery theme and DH bought it for me :)
Which reminds me that I really need to start back on that. I'm not going to completely cover the room in a mural like I had originally planned but what I want to do still is going to take a lot of time.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about.... I started on the nursery a while ago.. think over a year? Maybe longer...
It's going to be a fantasy forest theme. I love all of that stuff, so doing a fantasy theme just made sense to me :)
I'm taking ConTact paper, drawing, cutting, painting them to what I want and sticking them on the wall.
Once I start working on it again, I'll post photos of it :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Have to rant for a min

Ok so after finding out that I was pregnant (still sounds weird.. and yes, I'll probably be saying that a lot more heh).... I've been googling up information, visiting various forums etc.

Well, I came across one, looked around. Seems pretty active so I start going there often.
A few days ago, some person posts up a thread in the First Tri section and asked if anyone else is going to be having a drink during Christmas or New YEars.
SOOOOOO many women plan on drinking!! WHAT... THE.... FUCK???
Have people just never heard of fetal alcohol syndrome??? Do they not realize how important the first trimester is???
Alcohol is a poison! Sure it's a fun tasty poison, but not when you're pregnant!! UGH that just upsets me so much. I don't understand why a woman would risk it. It must be from women who have never had a miscarriage or struggled. I just think it's totally selfish to do something like that.
I know people disagree and will bring up soandso study that says *insert amount* is OK to drink....
What a load of horse crap IMO.
And it seems like it's always the ones that know someone that drank all the time and their baby is ok or some such bullshit.


I guess I'm just extra sensitive to that b/c of all of my losses and struggles. I just don't see why anyone would do something that has a potential risk during the time of your pregnancy when it's most important you're eating healthy. *shrugs*
Whatever... their bodies and all that jazz.... sigh...


Wow, that's weird to put up there.
Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Worked on a project almost all day and just kept myself busy. This week is going by SOOOOO slowly!
No tests yesterday, I did test this morning w/ 4mu but of course the wondfo hpt is super faulty. Well  maybe not faulty, just no dye in it or something.

Been feeling good though. SO much more calm now, but still nervous.

Guess I'm having some slight increase in symptoms. My boobs are still slowly getting more sore. My right one in particular is pretty sore. My nipples are starting to get a little tender.
For the past 2 nights, I've been getting up a lot more to use the bathroom. Last night I got up about 4 or 5 times.
I'm hungry in the mornings which never happened before. Could usually make it to lunch without eating anything but yeah, that's not happening anymore.
Not really constipated any longer. Seems like it's going to switch from constipation to diarrhea... bleh.
I got really bloated yesterday for no reason. I wasn't eating a lot or anything and I wasn't constipated. Was peeing normally too so yeah, no idea.

Think that's about it.
Hoping for more symptoms next week. Maybe not full blown morning sickness but to get nausea every once in a while would be comforting heh.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Beta #3

Took them FOREVER to call me! lol Or well, it seemed that way.

So beta #3 is in and.....


YAY!!!! *happy dance*
My doubling time from the first beta and 2nd was 30hrs. From 2nd to this one is 39hours. Slowed just a little, but it's still doubling pretty good. WHEW!!! Holy crap I still can't wrap my head around this yet.
I don't think I've even uttered the words out loud that..... *looks around & whispers* I'm pregnant.
UGH even typing that and reading it is so weird and makes my head spin!

No ultrasound this week, booo, BUT I go back in next Wed for my first u/s :) Not sure if they're going to do another beta or not. Guessing not if they see what they're supposed to. FX that they do. I'll be 6w2d then so I'm really hoping that we'll see the heartbeat then. Would be such an amazing early Christmas gift!!!

Holy crap though... is this really happening?


First up

My last FRER. I'm greedy and wanted a super dark test line that sucked all the dye from the control, but this will have to do heh.

My wondfo HPT is finally looking great. I've been expecting that line for a while now. I can't believe they can pick up hcg so early, but don't get dark until MUCH later. It was probably just the batch I had.

The wait is on..... going to be a very long day waiting for my beta results. I really hope they're great.

Took my temp for the final time this morning as well. Maybe I'll get in to a better sleep habit and won't wake up so much any longer.
It was terrible last night. Woke up at 2 and didn't get back to sleep until 4... THEN I had to wake up at 5:30 to get ready. BLEH.

When I was trying to get back to sleep though, I was having some pretty good uterine cramps. Mostly happened when I laid on my back.

I'm also constipated. Haven't gone #2 in 2 days. I don't feel bloated though just feels full.

That's it for now.... I'll be back later whenever they call with the results.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


For once I am NOT freaking out about my tests. lol
Not sure if it's noticeable in the photo... on the FRER, even though the test line looks the same, the control line is lighter today. I know once the test line is darker, it seems to suck all of the dye away from the control so yeah... it made me feel better to see that.

I think my wondfo hpt is finally looking decent. Still not super dark or anything but it's still a better line than it was heh.

I am SUPER SUPER nervous about tomorrow still. Been putting different numbers in to a beta doubling calculator and UGH, there is such a huge range that is still within normal doubling time.
Hell, my beta could come back 500 tomorrow and although that is slowed down a considerable about, it is still doubling at 67 hours which isn't great, but still within 72hours.
Really REALLY hoping my level is at least over 1000.
I need to stop looking up beta numbers as well. So many women have such amazing numbers at 20dpo and I'm sitting here comparing myself to them when I know I shouldn't.
uuuuuUUuUUuUuuuuuugh torture! lol

What else...Feeling a lot going on downstairs. It's mostly in my O areas. It switches sides, like a few days ago, I was getting a lot of aching on my right side. Yesterday it was all in my left.
Not really feeling too much in the ute. Maybe something mild every once in a while, but it doesn't last very long.

I talked to DH yesterday. Told him I wanted to tell my mom probably after the u/s or sometime after. He said he preferred if we waited until 2nd tri when the risk of m/c is down. I told him once you see the heartbeat chances of m/c goes down a considerable amount, but he's being cautious. I completely understand.. I have my own fears and doubts and everything, but UGH I just want to tell someone! heh

Saturday, December 10, 2011


Alrighty... so finally to me, it's obvious that the test line is darker than the control now. YAY!
I know others saw it on my previous tests and did the paint thing to pull and compare the colors (thanks :) ), but this one just looking at it is very obvious which I'm happy about.

Now to the freak out session.....
Shouldn't I have had a better progression than this by now? I know all I do is freak myself out... I'm sure it's tiring to read, hell I'm tired of doing it!

Here's a progression from 15 to 18.

Now I can see that today's test is obviously darker... so I know there's progression there even if the test line on the other tests are darker. More dye/less dye and all that noise.
I dunno... I guess I was just expecting more. Being greedy I guess heh.

UGH I just hope my beta on Monday is ok. I'm so worried that the doubling time dropped majorly or something. I know it can vary, but dernit, I don't want it to! lol

SIGH! I really hope this third beta is great and calms me down b/c yeah... I'm ready to just get excited about this. I'm ready to take down my weight loss ticker and put up a pregnancy one. I want to actually say that I'm pregnant and believe it. Hoping this third beta will help... and REALLY hoping they'll get me in on Friday for an early u/s! I know seeing that it was in the right place would really help.

Friday, December 9, 2011


BOOOO my FRER isn't as nice looking as it was yesterday. It's actually a little lighter.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little worried.
I'm really trying not to be.
I did drink more than usual early this morning b/c I woke up with a dry mouth & throat so I'm hoping that was the reason for a lighter test. Maybe with my 4MU it would've looked better. *shrugs*
We'll see what tomorrow's looks like I guess.
I am disappointed that I didn't get that obviously darker line today though. I know HCG doubling can vary, but seeing a darker test would really comfort me. Not that my tests are light, but you know what I mean hopefully.
I'm still really scared and things like this freak me out easily.

I went to Walmart this morning to pick up a few things. I stopped by the HPTs. I resisted though and didn't buy any!! YAY! I was SO tempted to buy at least an equate just to see what kind of line I got on it, but I didn't.
I said no more tests and I meant it!

DH is off next week! YAY! He has to request his time off at the beginning of the year and I guess he picked next week. He always asks for Xmas week off, but they never give it to him probably b/c he doesn't have kids. Bastards.
It sucks having to do it that way though. I mean come on, how are you supposed to know exactly when you'll want off? Well, I guess if you're planning a big trip..... ok nm....
It will be great to have him home. He distracts me from all of this and I know that will be the case next week since we still need to go Xmas shopping heh.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Rambling some

Gotta wash some clothes and get back to work on my xmas project, but I want to ramble a bit more :D

Aaaaaah, no more mild constipation!
Even though I LOVE peppers and spicy food, my stomach and digestive system are VERY sensitive to them. I had left over chicken from dinner last night so ate it with a little bit of Texas Pete. Few hours later... VOILA! No more constipation and I didn't have to strain lol.

Now this is going to sound so stupid.... but I'm actually kinda afraid to go #2. I'm afraid that somehow, me pushing and straining is going to cause the baby to dislodge or something.
UGH hold on for a minute... that was a weird moment. When I typed in baby... it made me lightheaded. It's just so strange to even type that while talking about myself. It still hasn't fully hit me yet I guess. I don't know if it will any time soon. Maybe when we see something on an u/s if we get to that point.

Oh man, I freaked myself out last night. My right O area started to ache. It lasted all the way until early this morning. I remember rolling over and got this sharp pain in that area, and then magically, it went away. WTH was that about? Maybe a cyst? It freaked me out though b/c all I could think of was OMG is this ectopic??
I guess there is always the possibility that it is but UGH I don't want to think about that.

Took a look at a January DD baby bump thread. It's so interesting to see how differently everyone's bumps grow. Some of the women started to show SUPER early, while others took quite a while. Some have BIG beautiful bumps and others have adorable small ones. It just interested me to see the differences :)
I can't wait to have my own bump that isn't just fat hehe.


Tests this morning

Still looking good.
I think the FRER looks darker than yesterday's test, but it's still hard to tell if test is darker than control. Oh well. It's still super dark which is a comfort to see.

Only 4 more days of testing w/ FRERs and I swear I'll stop posting pee sticks! lol

Yesterday was the first day I went without pooping. I ate broccoli the day before which is usually a guarante that I'll have diarrhea but nope, nothing. Even just going ONE day is making me feel achy down there.
I did go a little this morning, but whenever I strained any, it made my uterus ache so yeah, I stopped that. If it's going to come, then it's gonna have to without me pushing :P lol
And now that you know all about what's going on with my ass.. lets move on to something else.

Don't think I really have any new symptoms. I don't feel hungrier, not really peeing more, boobs are mildly sore but nothing major... *shrugs*
Just feel normal. BOOOOOOOO lol

Oh I did press on my uterus area when I took a shower this moving. Moved the fat out of the way and pressed gently and it is rock hard down there. Could be b/c of the whole not pooing thing, but it's usually soft so yeah, thought that was interesting.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

More stuff

First up, here are some wondfos that I just took.
Now THIS (the OPK) is what I want my FRER to look like tomorrow! lol
The line was already as dark as the control before the dye even finished making it across.

So anxious for this week to go by so Monday will get here. Who the hell wishes for a MONDAY to arrive? :P heh
I think if everything turns out fine on Monday, DH will start getting excited. I know he wants to, but he can't just yet. Hell, neither can I. I think it's obvious that I am excited, but there's still that part of me holding back too.

I'm also so anxious to start telling people. Oh it's not going to happen any time soon for obvious reasons. I think I'm getting excited by it b/c it would mean I was much further along and good chances of everything being ok, ya know?

And to sound like a broken record... yep, still scared. Every bathroom trip I examine my panty liner and the toilet paper. AND I look in to the toilet to make sure nothing is in there either.
Hell, I use the bathroom sometimes when I don't have an urge to go just so I can check.
It's epecially bad around this time b/c the progesterone sup goop is still coming out, but it makes me feel wetter down there like I do before AF arrives. I realize that's what it is, but I still have to check often.

Sigh I hope this paranoia ends soon. I'm sure it will never fully disappear though.


I didn't do any tests with FMU today. *gasp* I know, I'm shocked at myself too! lol

I did still test later on though with 4MU :)

In the photo, the FRER looks just a smidge lighter than control, but it continued to darken for about 5 more mins after the time limit so now it's def the same darkness as the control. *happy dance*

I have 5 more FRERs left now so 5 more days of testing and that's it... no more FRERs.
I still have a bunch of wondfos though so I may continue with those.

I'm still temping too but I may stop that soon. Since anything could still happen at this point, I just need to make sure everything is ok. I think I'll continue to temp until my next beta. I may stop before then if my tests get nice and dark. We'll see.

Not feeling much of anything at this point. Boobs are only slightly sore...

My dreams are getting a bit weirder.

The night before last, I dreamt that I was out with a bunch of girlfriends, but they all had facial whiskers and stubble and kept wanting to rub their faces all over mine so I'd get scratched by it. o_O

And last night, I dreamt that I was watching a group of grizzly bears doing this synchronized routine in a river. They weren't dancing or anything, just kinda shooting themselves in to the air and doing flips and gracefully landing on the shore where they would sit and spoon eachother (one LARGE bear in the back w/ progressively smaller sitting in between eachothers legs).

I'm not too worried about not having many symptoms right now. It is still REALLY early so still plenty of time for them to start.

And finally just wanted to say Good Luck Jen at your appointment tomorrow!!!!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Haven't taken a test since 3MU so yeah heh.

Oh the worrying is not over yet. I'll still be testing. I'm not buying anymore though. When I'm through them then that's it.
I just hope on my FRERs, I'll be beating the control line soon.

It's going to be a very long wait to first, get my 3rd beta, and then to find out if there's something in there where it's supposed to be, and then if it's growing correctly, if it's healthy. UGH overwhelming to think about. The worry is never going to end... not that I'm complaining about it. It would just be nice to NOT worry about something for once, ya know?

Beta #2


Holy crap!!! Is this really happening to me? Am I dreaming this? In some parallel universe?
I know it's still super early and things can happen, but this looks good right?

Beta at 9dpo ws only a 7!!!
I put the numbers in to a calculator and it said my doubling time was 29.9hrs! I KNOW that's pretty good from everything I've read.

I also got my progest results and they were at 15.7. Sounds kinda low to me, but the nurse said that it was within normal range. It better be!

Unfortunatly, my third beta is for next Monday!! Boooooo..... only downfall since I have to pretty much wait a week before getting more results.

I'm in shock.. I'm happy.. I can actually BREATH now. My heart isn't racing.
I'm not going to get ahead of myself and think everything is going to be perfect now or anything, but man, this really is just a HUGE relief.
I knew my hcg had gone up by my tests but not that much!


Took FMU tests this morning when I woke up. Just wanted to reassure myself that a line was still there heh

Fast forward to when I get home from getting blood taken. I have to use the bathroom so I take tests. This was 3MU.
Cue the freak out when the test line is lighter than yesterday's test!!!
Oh it's still dark, but it is lighter.
I'm REALLY hoping it's b/c the test doesn't have as much dye in it or something.

I also took wondfos of course, and they're a bit more reassuring. OPK is definitely a positive now and an actual good line showed up on the HPT.

Also I my BBT this morning was a little lower.
I know I know I should've stopped temping, but it has helped me prepare for the worst before.
I THINK the only reason my BBT was a a tiny lower was b/c I had kicked off the blankets and I didn't let the thermometer sit in my mouth as long as I usually do to warm up.

If my conceived date is when I ovulated, then I am exactly 4 weeks today.
I guess if this sticks, I'll want to document everything, so I'll be taking weekly bump photos. It's just gonna be my fat bump for a while though heh

Monday, December 5, 2011


This must be a wonky batch or something. So frustrated that the wondfo hpts aren't showing much!!
The OPKS are working perfectly though.
Boooo Well, i guess you get what you pay for heh.

Think the OPK is almost a positive or a positive. Hard to tell when it's only half the line is as dark.
Oh well, just nice to see it dark.
Have I said how excited and anxious I am for tomorrow's beta?! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Oh, and my peestick plate is overflowing!!!
Every new cycle, I use a paper plate for all of my pee sticks so I can obsess over them.
I'll just let the photo speak for itself...

Hmm what else to mention...
On the forum that I frequent, someone posted a HPT test that had HCG values on the side. There were something like 5 different strips in a little column and numbers beside them to show about how much hcg it's detecting. Does anyone know where to get this test?

Getting a bump in the back of my mouth. It's right by my wisdom teeth and it's irritating the crap outta me. I can feel it even with my mouth closed and it's annoying chewing food on that side. It doesn't hurt thankfully, just an annoyance.

On the forums that I go to, I was asked if my tests were ever this dark before so I looked through all of the photos of my tests from previous BFP cycles and nope, not even close.
I said I think my 9dpo test is about as dark as any of them ever got, but looking now, I don't think any have gotten darker than my 8dpo test.
How sad is that :(
Even with my very first BFP, my first beta came in at 27. Not too bad, BUT this is what the test looked like
I'm not sure if it was taken with FMU or what though so that could've been why it was really faint but still. WOW.

This is def looking like the best chance so far. I think I've said this already, but I've never had progression like this before.
In previous cycles, the test always remained faint and never darkened. So... yeah....
Please let this be my take home baby!

Grr, stupid stupid me!!!

I just HAD to take another test. Figured oh sure, my 4mu has to be better b/c I held it in for 3 hours!
Pffft, the test is lighter and now I'm freaking out over it! UGH.
It's still a pretty dark line, but it's lighter than 3mu.

Now my brain knows not to make a big deal out of this b/c well, it could be like my FMU and I've been drinking a lot of water.
But oh no... the side of me that's already in panic paranoid mode is freaking!

Sigh... Why do I do this to myself?


So.. another day, a whole new set of tests to obsess over :P
First, got a call from the RE nurse this morning and I go in tomorrow first thing to get the beta done and my progest checked. YAY :)

Here are today's tests. I did take a FMU wondfo tests but meh, really nothing to see as usual.

These are 3MU. It wasn't a very good hold though b/c my stomach got upset and I had to go.
Oh well. I think the FRER looks a little darker. Not much, but a little is better than nothing!

Comparison of the last 3 days

Also, someone requested that I compare 10dpo to today's test, and here that is

Really glad they did b/c seeing it like that makes me feel a lot better about this.

Sunday, December 4, 2011


Just feel like chatting until AFV comes on ;) hehe...
I took the last 88cent walmart test and more wondfos at around 4pm.

Meh heh...
OOO I went out to Walmart earlier to buy FRERs. They only had the 2 test ones, BUT they had a bonus 3rd test in them!! The 3 test packs cost about $12 and some change, but these were only $7!! I snagged 3 boxes! lol You just can't beat that. Sure it's still damn expensive for pee sticks, but still heh.
I should be good to go for hopefully the rest of the week. Hoping I won't have a need to test longer than that (with good tests.. I'll still probably test for a while w/ wondfos :P)

I'm still super scared and nervous, but I'm getting excited too.
Actually allowing myself to get hopeful and imagine that this is going to be it.
This has put DH and I in to such a good mood. All smiles, joking with eachother. We did that before, but you can just feel that it's more loving and joyous, ya know?
UGH I'm gonna make myself cry.
DH said a tiny little cheer the other day... "YAY, no more shots!" Obviously meaning no more expensive follistim shots. Really hope he's right! Maybe we can actually make a dent in the credit card bill we use to buy the meds!

I called the RE's office and left a message. Told them my tests were getting darker and I wanted to come in Monday or Tuesday for another beta.
I also asked to have my progesterone checked and told them that I was using 4 suppositories a day.
Really hope they'll tell me to come in tomorrow. I think some of my fears will subside if I get a good 2nd beta.
Don't get me wrong, seeing my tests get darker is frickin awesome, but getting an actual number would be GREAT!

Ok so... if my hcg is doubling every 48 hours, then tomorrow, it would be around 28 on 13dpo. Still kinda low so FX for a higher number than that heh.

Symptoms... eh...
Still burping a lot.
Boobs are a little sore. Nothing too awful.
Eating dinner tonight, I felt 3 very very very mild tiny cramps in my uterus area. I mean just really light but obvious.

Lets see, what else can I ramble about.
Oh the clearblue battery is already dead!! BOOOOOO FRER test lasted for 4 days!!! I mean I guess it doesn't really have to last long, but it would've been nice to stare at it a little longer heh.

I told DH my theory about the vibrations from the concert heh. He just laughed and said "So whenever we want to try again, we have to make sure to go to another concert?" heh.
OO speaking of concert. We're going to another in January! YAY! This one is downtown so no long drive either, double yay! It's Rise Against and erm.. not sure who else.
Previous concert was our anniversary gift... this one is our Xmas present to eachother :)

Alrighty, I guess I'll stop rambling. If you've made it this far, YAY! You rock! ;)

12dpo SMU

I finally went back to bed and actually slept really well until 8 when I got up.
Didn't use the bathroom again so took tests with SMU.
Not sure how it compares to my 3MU but seems to be about the same I think.

Took an FRER and wondfo.
Wondfos still annoying me. Some consistant quality on the HPTs would be nice!! I mean damn, I got that AWESOME line on one a couple days ago, and ever since, the lines have been faint. WTF?
At least the OPKs seem to be mostly consistant.

Anyway, here are the tests

And compare 11 to 12....
Looking at them now IRL, it's obvious 12dpo is darker. It's past the time limit but it continued to get darker.
Looking at the photo, it's difficult to tell

And both tests again in the same light

And it's not after the time limit, but the FRER looks like it got darker. IRL it looks just a tad darker than the one from yesterday.

Can ya telll that I'm obsessing? Pfft, I'm sure everyone could tell that a few days ago :P


First... I did get to sleep pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow. I still woke up early, but it was enough to take my temp.
Temp was 98.11, which is down from what it was, but still above coverline. It makes me nervous though.

I'm wide awake right now so took a test (wondfo). SO damn annoyed with these tests. While I do love them, I just wish the HPTs would show a consistant quality level. How could I have such awesome lines 2 days ago, and now, it's gone back to being super faint! UGH annoying!

Ok, for the ranting.
I'll try to keep it short.
Why does everything have to be a damn debate? Especially on a TTC board. It doesn't happen as often in some circles as it does others, but come on... a site dedicated to help support women in their TTC journeys... why start a debate? Or well, more like, why do debates always have to get personal!
I totally understand that we're not all going to have the same opinions, but there is a way to disagree without taking some quick passive aggressive jabs.
I'm sure ALL of us struggling to conceive have had some pretty horrific thoughts and feelings when it comes to certain things and damnit, on a site filled with others struggling, we should feel safe to post that and not feel like we're being attacked or feel like we're a terrible person or naive for feeling the way we do.
Ya know?
I'm not saying you should keep an opinion to yourself if you disagree, but there is a way to say it too.
Not even going to pretend I'm some little miss perfect that always says the right things in situations like that because I'm totally not.
I dunno... just this one post that is going on in a forum that I go to... I can see the way it's going and it's not gonna be pretty.
People on BOTH sides are starting to make it personal and just... UGH Unncessary drama!!!

Saturday, December 3, 2011


Probably not. Hesitate to say anything is a symptom since it's still very early.
I've been feeling some aches down below. Kinda in my hips, O areas and not much in the ute.

I've also noticed the past couple of days, I'm burping A LOT.

Today, my teeth started to hurt. Like if you have sensitive teeth and you eat something cold then hot.. that weird achey feeling.. it's a mild version of that. That's a new one and hopefully doesn't get worse.

Boobs are meh... kinda sore if pressed, but not much.

That's about it.

No dizziness at all today after doing my first 2 progesterone. I did eat right before though so maybe that helped.

Think that's about it. I'm having to clear my throat alot. I think I just need to drink more water though so the phlegm loosens up.

I also wanted to say that..
With my last BFP, I had a feeling I was pregnant. It's hard to explain but I just knew.
This time, pfft, I was NOT expecting this at all. I was fully prepared to get AF soon and start on a new cycle and hopefully ovulate and try again and eventually try with meds in January. I did not expect in a million years to get a BFP on a natural cycle.. not with all of the trouble we've had to get me to even ovulate before.
So yeah, total shock!

Here are some more tests...

Wondfo HPT is so faulty. Looks like the hpt had 2 test lines put on it by accident. I darkened the photo so you can see it better.
The OPK is looking great still.

I also took a 88cent walmart test and got a faint line on it.

And I have my digital facing me on my desk. With all of my fears and worries... I'm trying to remember what a lot of people say to me.
No matter what happens... right now, I am pregnant... I look at that digital and try to remember that.

Makes it a bit more real...

I just took this test...
It's a Clear Blue Digital test. I had 2 left. First one I used yesterday said Not Pregnant....
This one though...

My heart skipped a beat when the word finally popped up lol.
It gives me more hope. Oh I'm still scared shitless, but that def gives me a lot more hope.

This is my first positive digital I've ever gotten when things could still be viable.
I had taken a digital the last 2 miscarriages when my level kept rising when they shouldn't have.

This though... this is just... It's been a few days now and this still hasn't sunkin in yet.


So lets start off with FMU tests.
Oh before that, I could NOT sleep last night. I went to bed a little after 10, fell asleep a little after 11, woke up at 12:30. UGH.
I tossed and turned until about 2:40 and finally decided to get up.
Stayed up for a little while and laid on the couch. Finally got to sleep, but woke up an hour later. I took my temp which was 98.11 I think, but pfft, like that's accurate so I'm not going to record it.
Fell back to sleep and slept for another 1.5hrs.

I am running on nerves here. I could not shut my brain off last night and it kept me up.
I kept thinking about today's tests, kept fantasizing about being pregnant, having a baby, what the baby would look like, etc. I love fantasizing about it, but not when I'm trying to get to sleep! lol

Anywho, when I finally got up at 6:30, I took a test. Technically it's 3MU since I used the bathroom a couple of times when I got up earlier, but I usually do during nights when I sleep well anyway so I just count it when I do finally get up (to fix dh breakfast), as FMU. Hope that made sense.

Anyway, here are the tests.

And a comparison of the last 3 fmu tests

So, fastforward to about 9:30. I still haven't gotten back to bed, and I only managed a 1.5hr hold. I took more tests with my 3MU and got mixed results.

The wondfo HPT was just not having any of it. The OPK still looked nice, but the HPT barely had a line on it. I thought it was b/c my urine was too dilluted and kicked myself for not being able to hold my pee for longer.

I said screw it and used a FRER anyway (I waited to see what the wondfos would show before using the FRER)....
The line came up right away, but at first looked just like the previous days tests. I admit I got a little disheartened, but told myself that my hcg is probably still pretty low.
Well, still within the time limit, the test got gradually darker.. and well.. here it is along with the comparison.

I am just.... I dunno... scared.

I'm excited, but I'm so scared to get my hopes up.
I've never had a progression like that before when things were still viable, but it's still so early and so uncertain.
Sure things look good now but what if they don't soon. What if I start to spot...
I hate that infertility and the previous losses has made me so paranoid and has taken away a lot of the joy from this.

Hopefully my tests will continue to get darker and my next betas will show numbers that are going up as they should.

I'm really not all doom and gloom here, like I said, just terrified to get my hopes up right now.

Friday, December 2, 2011

One more

One more test before I stop tonight...
The OPK doesn't look as good, but the HPT looks better *shrugs*
FX for darker FRER tomorrow and no spotting!