Worst!

Ladies with long nails will know what I'm talking about.

The absolute worst feeling/sensation in the world. When your nail breaks pretty low. And you're left with an overly sensitive fingertip that seems to brush EVERYTHING.
It is GOD AWFUL.

My frickin pinky nail broke 2 days ago and it is still sensitive as hell.

Hrmmm

So did some googling last night about burning ovary sensation, and most of the links that came up were about cysts rupturing.
I guess that makes sense since I do have PCOS.
These last 2 days, the feelings I've been getting could just be the little ones or even that big one bursting or whatever the right word is for it.

Dern, too bad no one has invented a cheap ultrasound you can have at home rofl.

And again...

Again, I felt a sensation on my right O. Lasted for about a minute. Felt like a burning kind of pain. Nothing awful, but still apparent.
Dernit, wish my body would just make up its mind already. Do something or not, but stop with the damn teasing.

The nerve of some people

I'm bored and just feel like chatting.

A while back on a blog that I visit often and that I love, there was a story posted about 3 parent embryos or something like that. I guess they could take things from 3 different people and implant it in to an egg. I dunno.

Well anyway, the comments were talking about that, and then this jackass comes out saying how people need to stop wasting their money on fertility clinics and that infertile couples should get a clue that this is just Darwin telling us that our genetics shouldn't continue.
What the Fuckity hell kind of bullshit statement is that?

Of course this statement was probably coming from a snot-nosed punk who had never actually seen a vagina up close and personal before. OR it was from an asshole who already has children and doesn't have a problem with fertility problems.

And fucking Octomom and all of the other stupid shits out there who abuse fertility treatments that cause people to have opinions like that.
I mean go up to any joe-shmoe, and ask him about fertility treatment, and I bet the first thing that pops in to mind is a woman popping out 6+ kids.

And then there are the idiots who tell people to "just adopt" b/c there are so many children, world overpopulated, blahblahblah. Uh How about shut the fuck up? Like that suggestion?

As if it's just SO easy to adopt a child. Like we could all go up in to an adoption agency today and pick us up some kids like we would a gallon of milk from the grocery store.



Grrrrr....

Feeling bleh today...

As the title says. Feeling just kind of bleh today.
I do plan on exercising, but may take a nap in a little bit. Try to get some energy back or something. Not sure why I'm tired. I went to bed at my usual time & slept well.

Oh and my BBT was down this morning. Could've been b/c it was a bit colder last night. But I usually put the thermometer in my mouth to warm it up and then take my temp about 10-20mins later (when I wake up again).
So who knows.
I did experiment and took my temp a 2nd time, and it was a little higher, but still lower than yesterday's temp.
So we'll see what happens.

Teasing me!

First up, my appointment with the RE is on Monday at 3:15pm. UGH, I am not looking forward to that.


As for the teasing...... my body is just cruel and evil!
Earlier tonight, I felt a single right ovary twinge, cramp, kind of burning sensation.
I thought it was interesting, but since it didn't happen again, didn't think too much of it.

Then about 20mins ago, it happened again, but did it about 5 times. And now, there's even more. Well now, it's less of a twinge and more of a sharp pain.
Seriously body? Seriously?
Why torture me so??
I was settled on this cycle being a total bust. I mean sure I was still taking OPKs, but not seriously. Just sorta doing them to do them.
And now this?
Now my hopes are going to get up. Now I'm going to hope tha my damn body is going to actually work on its own. Now I'm going to be obsessing over my temperatures! Grrrrrrrrrr stupid body!

Nothing yet

Just called up my RE's office to set up an appointment for this consult.
Sigh.... why he can't just do it over the phone is beyond me. Oh wait I know why, they want to suck out another 40+ dollars out of us for 10minutes of time. Greeeeat.

No exercise yet today. Woke up with a mild headache that just got worse. Finally took some tylenol for it.

Also my stomach is not very happy today. Been on the toilet more times than some people go in a week.
No idea what's wrong with my digestion. It's been like this for about 2 years now.
I used to be able to eat spicy food all the time and never had a problem except for a burning ass when it came out lol.
Now... it is diarrhea city if I go anywhere near something spicy.
Sucks sucks sucks b/c I LOOOOVE spicy food. SIGH.
I mean damn, I'm half korean, I grew up eating spicy korean dishes and crave them all the time.
I guess I should indulge in it every once in a while.... like when I know I have nothing to do that day so I can prepare to for the toiletbowl torture my ass will go through lol.
The 1500mg of metformin I'm sure doesn't help either.

Oh well... that's what a ton of tp and flushable booty wipes are for.

Hmmm...

Messing with some of the various calorie calculators on the net. Seems like my body should be burning around 1700 calories by doing nothing.
Goes up to 2000 if I add in a little bit of work.
1700 sounds good though lol
I don't think I eat that much, but who knows.
I used to count my calories before. And I mean hardcore count them. I had my little book w/ calories of everything, or if it didn't have it, I looked it up. I added everything up and stuck to it.
It was a pain in the ass and I really didn't achieve much other than feeling starved. BLEH.
I do plan on starting to cut out carbs though. I love my carbs. Hell, I just baked some fucking chocolate chip cookies tonight b/c I was craving it lol. But I only ate one when any other time I would've had 3-4.

I wish fruit was cheaper. I'd be eating strawberries all the time. Although I'm sure the sugar in them isn't very good for me, it's still gotta be better than me scarfing down some processed mess.
Had 3 strawberries tonight and yum yum they were delicious! And there's a weird sense of calm trying to get those seeds out of your teeth too hehe.

Next grocery trip will be filled with better choices. OOO get some oranges! I've been craving some and I just love the smell. I would get a melon, like honeydew or something, but I dunno... I'd be the only one eating it, so I'd have to save the rest of it. And just something about it sitting in the fridge cut grosses me out. Like if I ate anymore of it afterwards, it would taste spoiled and rotten or something. One reason why I hate seeing those premade fruit things in the produce section b/c the juices are all blended together, everything is already cut up and BLEH.

I guess I should thank my RE for suggesting what he did, b/c it really did kick my butt in to action again. I just couldn't motivate myself to do anything. I mean even knowing that my weight could cause problems with my fertility, I just had no motivation. I guess I just needed to hear it? *shrugs*
Oh well, I'm here now. Gotta keep going and get healthier!

One day down........

....too many to go!

So I did the eliptical today for 30mins with a 5min session of lifting some weights.
Also spent a little bit of time stretching my legs. They are SO stiff. One of these days I'll be able to touch those toes... oh yes... one of these days.

I know you're not supposed to weigh yourself that much, but well, I can't help it lol.
I know weight fluctuates a good bit throughout the day and was just curious how much mine does.

After lunch & exercising, I weighed in at 228. After my shower & with my usual clothes on (t-shirt, shorts and undies), I weighed in at 229.
*shrugs* No reason to do all of that other than I felt like it heh

Stats

Here are my stats..... enjoy my humiliation!

Age: 30
Height: 5'2"
Weight (4/26/10): 227 lbs

Measurements (inches)

Left Upper Arm: 16
Right Upper Arm: 17
Bust: 44.3
Below Bust: 41
Belly (above bellybutton/waist): 42.2
Waist: 40.6
Hips: 47.5
Right Upper Thigh: 25.1
Left Upper Thigh: 24.6


Short Term Goal
Get to 199lbs or get pregnant, whichever comes first :)

Long Term Goal
Get to 130-140lbs

Blahblahblah

Ok so where was I?
Oh, so what my RE said. Yeah no, I'm not going to stop TTC. Just the thought of stopping makes me want to burst in to tears. I won't stop unless I absolutely MUST.

On my OBGYN visit last year, I weighed in at 250something pounds. That was the heaviest I've ever been.
At only 5'2", I'm a little fat, sweating, angry butterball turkey.

I plan on exercising again to try to get this weight off, but I'm not gonna enjoy it.
I know some people just LOVE to exercise, or eventually love to exercise, but no, that is NOT me. I HATE IT.
I hate sweating, I hate huffing and puffing, I hate straining, I hate aching, I hate feeling hot, no no no no no. I will never enjoy exercising. Yes I would much rather sit on the couch all day and veg out. I've been doing it for this long, DUH.
Ugh, I'm getting a headache just thinking about exercising.

Alrighty, so I really don't have a gameplan on what I'll be doing over the weeks. I guess just winging it until I figure something out.
We have a treadmill, and eliptical, and various workout dvds.
Next up, my stats!

Howdy!

My name is Lisa. I'm 30 years old. I'm fat and I'm trying to have a baby.
My husband, Eric, is 31, and we've been together for 12 or 13 years. I can never remember.

I should warn anyone reading this that I'm not going to be holding anything back with details. So if you don't want to read about cervical mucus, discharge, etc etc then you may as well stop now.

So if you're still here, yay! ^_^

My husband and I have been TTC since the end of October 2008 with no luck so far.
It helps that I don't ovulate on my own.

I've had irregular periods for as long as I can remember and they've only gotten worse with time and with the extra weight piling on.
Early last year was my turning point though. I had been bleeding almost nonstop for 3 months straight and I was terrified of what could be wrong.
Maybe it's something that can't be cured, maybe I have cancer etc etc etc. It all went through my head.
So I opened up the phonebook and looked through the gynecologists. Boy that was fun.
I visited the various websites that were advertised and settled on one that was nothing but women. I figured they'd be more sympathetic to my situation than a man would. Plus having some guy down there prodding around just sounded weird.

I go in on June or July, I can't quite remember to my very first doctor's appointment. Yes you read that correctly. At 29yo, this was my first OBGYN visit. It's embarassing to admit to, but maybe there are others like me out there.
What kept me from going before? Honestly, it was the shame of not going that kept me from going. I was so embarassed that I hadn't been before that I didn't know how they would react to me. It helps that I never really had a female figure in my life growing up so I didn't know about any of this kind of thing.
Hell, I would practically be bleeding all over the place before I told my dad that I needed pads because my period started.
Anyways, all my fears were put to rest. Oh I was still nervous as hell, and scared shitless that something awful was wrong, but I'm sure we all know how that goes.
A few days later, they called me up to tell me that I had hypothyroidism and I was insulin resistant. So I was given a prescription for metformin and synthroid which I've been taking ever since.
I can't remember when I asked for the clomid, but I think it was for the next cycle.
I was given provera to get my period, and I think given the clomid.
I'm not sure though.
Anyway, boy that first period after the provera was KILLER. I was going through a pad every 10minutes if that long. I bled through about 5 pairs of undies and shorts. And man, if CSI had come in to our home, there would've been glowing blood spots everywhere.
It was AWFUL and great at the same time. Finally, I was on the road to getting better!
My OBGYN never mentioned to me that I had PCOS, but I saw it on my chart on one of my visits. I figured I had it. I mean I have pretty much all of the symptoms of it.

Unfortunatly, that first clomid cycle was a bust. I had to take provera again b/c I didn't ovulate and AF (aunt flo) was nowhere to be seen. Thankfully that period wasn't as bad as the first one.
2nd cycle, I did a higher dose of clomid. But still nothing.
Then, I was put on the lowest dose of femara for 2 cycles, NADA.
Finally my OBGYN referred me to an RE to see.
First cycle with the RE, he tried me out on 150mg of clomid. NADA just as before.
2nd cycle (current one), he tried me on clomid + FSH injections. And once again NADA.
It's frustrating as shit to go through all of this and still nothing happens.

I just emailed him (the RE) today to see what the game plan is for next cycle, and well, he wants me to come in to talk about the options. He mentioned that maybe I should stop TTC for around 3-6months to lose some weight. But that is not an option.
I'm no spring chicken here. 30 isn't that old by any means, but when you have the problems I do, it is. I don't have all the time in the world to wait.
I'll lose weight WHILE trying, but that's it. I won't quit just to lose weight.

So yeah, here I am.... about to go exercise, blahblahblah. I'll do another post so this one isn't so dang long :D