11DPO test

The photo makes it look like there's possibly a line, but there isn't. Well there is but it's just a no color indent thing going on. 95% sure it's BFN. BOOOOOOOOOO

Just so damn discouraging. I know that this cycle was a HUGE step in the right direction since I ovulated, but it still sucks when it's not successful. I don't want to TRY any longer. I hate it. I hate the rollercoaster of emotions, I hate NOT having a family yet! It's so fucking frustrating!!!

Yeah there's still a chance I could still get a BFP this cycle, but I'm not getting my hopes up too much with that.

Also my temp dropped this morning. Could've been because I took it earlier but I doubt it.

If I'm not pregnant, then WTH is up with the lightheaded dizzy spells?

Damnit

Stupid fucking tests.
Damnit... why do they have to tease me. It wouldn't be nearly as bad if BOTH tests just came up BFN.

And I'm feeling so completely and utterly alone right now. I have no one in my life that I can talk to about any of this, and the forums that I go to.. seems like everyone has been moving on.
Those forums are my only form of support right now and it just feels like I have none. I'm not saying that there actually isn't any, I'm just emphasizing how lonely I'm feeling atm. I think it would be better if I had SOMEONE in my real life to talk to about all of this.
I don't want to complain constantly to DH about any of this b/c I know he just won't get it and I just don't want to put my stress on to him.
I hate this feeling. Feeling like I want to scream, or just bawl my eyes out but I can't. Feeling like my heart is on the floor and I just can't pick it up. Feeling so damned trapped in infertility.
Damnit, I hate this so much. I just want the next step in our lives to start. I want this void in my heart to be filled finally. I hate feeling so fucking hopeless.
I'm so desperately trying to keep hope alive, but it's not working. That heartbreak when each day passes and nothing.
I'm so defeated right now.

Trigger progression

Got bored. Decided to paste all of the trigger progression photos together to show what it looked like compared to eachother.

10DPO tests

Here are this morning's tests.

I'm still getting a line on the IC. A COLORED line, but got nada on the FRER.

I'm very frustrated and losing hope right now b/c of it.

I'm trying not to lose too much hope since it is still a little early, but Sigh..... just sucks.  If there is a little eggbert in there... I hope it's just getting comfy right now and will make its presence known on tomorrow's test.
I can feel my heart dropping at the thought of NOT being pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I love that we actually have a chance, but with how long we've been trying, I was just hoping that.. well... we wouldn't have to try any longer.
Damnit..... give me my BFP!

Symptoms

So.... maybe it's just my body's way of dealing with the progesterone or something, but thought I might as well list the symptoms I've had today.

I've been light headed all day today with dizzy spells here and there.
Also getting hot flashes. It was ok mid-day, then it started back up again tonight.
I've also been feeling twinges down in uterus-ville all day long. Just really slight, but I'm positive it's from the lady bits and not intestinal.
Also speaking of intestines.... I've only pooed once today which is NOT normal for myself since starting metformin.
I take 1 met at lunch, and 2 at dinner.
I'll usually poop about an hour after taking them both times. The 2 at dinner really mess me up and ends up giving me diarrhea. It's like clockwork...
But not today. The poo was still in between diarrhea and soft serve, but it still only occurred once instead of 2-3 times in a row. I find it weird b/c I've eaten some spicy stuff and that usually does me in as well.
So *shrugs*
I just hope tomorrows test shows me something good!

Another test

I took another test with some better pee.

The line came up within 2 mins and it does have color.

BUT, I also took an FRER. I thought it was more sensitive, so it would really show the line well. Nope, it was a BFN. So I'm not sure what to think. Is the IC more sensitive? Is it just a faulty test? *shrugs*

I'm excited, but trying to keep it under control since if it's not faulty, then it could still be the trigger shot.

Symptoms so far today.

Lightheaded & I'm getting more frequent dizzy spells.

Was getting some hot flashes earlier, but those seem to have gone away.

Also getting some very slight cramps down there. Seem to be occuring in the middle towards the right. Yesterday the twinges and things I felt was more on my left side. Not really near the O area though.

Really can't wait for tomorrow to see what the test does next. Hopefully get darker!

9DPO Test

So, here's today's test. I swear I see a line (not in the photo, but IRL), but since it's so faint, I'm not sure if it has color or not.

Going to take another test later with a much better urine sample. I keep waking up at night having to go pee. Maybe it was the HCG shot that first caused it, but now my body has gotten used to it.

I would ignore it, but my bladder or something is pressing against my uterus and causing extreme discomfort so I can't just go back to sleep. Really annoying!

So yeah... another test coming later. Even if a line does show, I can't get too excited about it b/c it could still be the trigger shot. Never know.

Now if a test tomorrow came back darker, then I'd start getting excited hehe

Sigh.....

Feeling down right now.
I hate having pity parties for myself, but damnit, you can't help it sometimes.

Looking at one of the boards that I go to. Looking at all of the BFP threads, and then headed over to the Pregnant boards and reading labor stories.

I just can't help but feel so jealous and frustrated and completely and utterly hopeless that I'll never be able to join the women there.

There they are, enjoying their new BFPs, and getting SO excited. And all I can think about is how I may never experience that.

Or reading labor stories, which usually doesn't bother me, now it's making me feel so depressed that I may never get to go through that.
That I'll never have a baby bump, or have a little one that's a little bit of me and a little bit of DH.

Sigh, I want this so badly. I wish the days would fly by so I could test some more. So I wouldn't have to sit here and wonder what's going to happen. So I can mourn if this isn't our cycle once again.

I so want it to be though. More than anything, I want this.

DH's best friend will be visiting us next year probably. His family is taking a road trip, sounds like across the eastern coast and they'll be stopping here.
I want to introduce to them our new LO. I don't want to have to look at their family, feeling envy that they have their family and I still don't.
SIGH....... please... please...... I'm not a religious person (I'm agnostic), but if there is something out there listening to my pleas..... please give me what I want.

Day 11 Trigger shot

BFN BFN BFN

Finally, it seems that the hcg has left the building. Or at least enough to where I can't see it anymore.

At least now I'll know that whatever line I do it from here on out, it'll be the real thing.

Trigger shot Day 10 dried tests

Decided to take photos of the first test dried just to show that I'm not crazy and there was a line on it lol.

These I took a little later. I was just curious to see what the OPK would do and I wanted to see if more concentrated urine would give me a darker HPT line.