Damnit

Stupid fucking tests.
Damnit... why do they have to tease me. It wouldn't be nearly as bad if BOTH tests just came up BFN.

And I'm feeling so completely and utterly alone right now. I have no one in my life that I can talk to about any of this, and the forums that I go to.. seems like everyone has been moving on.
Those forums are my only form of support right now and it just feels like I have none. I'm not saying that there actually isn't any, I'm just emphasizing how lonely I'm feeling atm. I think it would be better if I had SOMEONE in my real life to talk to about all of this.
I don't want to complain constantly to DH about any of this b/c I know he just won't get it and I just don't want to put my stress on to him.
I hate this feeling. Feeling like I want to scream, or just bawl my eyes out but I can't. Feeling like my heart is on the floor and I just can't pick it up. Feeling so damned trapped in infertility.
Damnit, I hate this so much. I just want the next step in our lives to start. I want this void in my heart to be filled finally. I hate feeling so fucking hopeless.
I'm so desperately trying to keep hope alive, but it's not working. That heartbreak when each day passes and nothing.
I'm so defeated right now.