Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Feeling down right now.
I hate having pity parties for myself, but damnit, you can't help it sometimes.

Looking at one of the boards that I go to. Looking at all of the BFP threads, and then headed over to the Pregnant boards and reading labor stories.

I just can't help but feel so jealous and frustrated and completely and utterly hopeless that I'll never be able to join the women there.

There they are, enjoying their new BFPs, and getting SO excited. And all I can think about is how I may never experience that.

Or reading labor stories, which usually doesn't bother me, now it's making me feel so depressed that I may never get to go through that.
That I'll never have a baby bump, or have a little one that's a little bit of me and a little bit of DH.

Sigh, I want this so badly. I wish the days would fly by so I could test some more. So I wouldn't have to sit here and wonder what's going to happen. So I can mourn if this isn't our cycle once again.

I so want it to be though. More than anything, I want this.

DH's best friend will be visiting us next year probably. His family is taking a road trip, sounds like across the eastern coast and they'll be stopping here.
I want to introduce to them our new LO. I don't want to have to look at their family, feeling envy that they have their family and I still don't.
SIGH....... please... please...... I'm not a religious person (I'm agnostic), but if there is something out there listening to my pleas..... please give me what I want.

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