RE

So, I finally got a call back from the RE's office lol.
Said that he probably called the wrong number.
Meh, whatever.
Anywho... my beta has actually gone up to 60 on Thursday. Still not a lot obviously, but no real reason to worry about that now since my tests have been getting super faint. Which reminds me that I need to take tests today.

But anywho, I go back in tomorrow for another beta and I think he wants to test my thyroid again.
He mentioned something called Thyroid Antibodies. The few links that I've looked at so far seem to basically say that this is tested to check for an autoimmune disease. Hashimotos or Graves.

RE really didn't go in to much detail. Basically just said he's been reading something and wants to test this thyroid antibody thing.
I honestly don't know if I've already been tested or not. All my obgyn ever told me was that my TSH levels were only slightly elevated which is hypothyroidism. So *shrugs*
I'm sure my RE will go more in to it.


EDIT: Just took a test. Definite BFN. Sad that that's a relief to see. I hope the RE has more ideas other than the thyroid thing. I'm already on synthroid dude. Not much more can be done unless I need to be on a higher dose.

Alrighty, off to go torture myself and try out this sugar wax stuff.... OUCH.

Meh

I dunno what the hell my body is doing.
My temp was 97.81 today. That's higher than usual, but is it post-O temp? Pfft, who the hell knows.
I'm not even going to worry about it any more. Just... nope.

Food this weekend was frickin AWFUL. It started on Thursday w/ the whole sharp cramping freakout. Didn't want to cook that day obviously, and haven't since.
Just terrible terrible food.
I never believed those people from the paleo or primal sites that said they felt awful after eating something bad. But it's frickin true. your body just goes in to sick mode and everything makes you want to puke and you feel absolutely terrible.
Gotta at least maintain my weight right now since we're going on vacation in 2 weeks.

Finally

My body is doing what it should. I mean it sucks that it's a natural m/c, but at least I didn't have to take anything or get anything done to eliminate the non-viable.
Here are the tests from this afternoon. Pretty much the same as the ones from this morning. There's one of those dot indents on the hpt which makes the 2nd line look darker than it actually is. It's super super faint once again IRL.

Having doubts that I may have O'd or will. Getting nothing when I check up there except for my usual creamy white CM. I mean I guess it's possible that some EW is way up there that I can't reach, but sigh.
I dunno.. that ole negative Nelly is creeping in causing doubt.
Like I said, will have to wait and see what my temp does, but that's not going to tell me much if it's like last cycle.

Doing something...

Both of my ovaries are aching... like ovulating aching. Right one did it a little bit, and just a second ago, my left one had a quick ache/cramp.
Hrmmm....
Going to hve to really remember to keep an eye on my temps. Not sure what my post O temp should be now but we'll see hopefully.
I must say, even though I'm guarded about this, I'm getting hopeful.
It would be nice to ovulate on my own.

Hmmm... could it be?

Alrighty, so last night wasn't fun. We got pizza last night for dinner, and I put a packet of crushed red pepper on my pizza. Sigh... peppers are def a trigger for my gut to go in to emergency diarrhea mode.
I was in and out of the bathroom for 2 hrs.
Well anywho.... w/ the BMs I was also getting A LOT of EWCM.
WTH right?
I mean I've gotten a little bit w/ BMs before. Only just a little though, but this was different.
The first time, it completely covered the tp, and the rest of the times was still there in a good quantity.
But, when I checked with my fingers....or well tried to anyway... nothing but creamy cm.
So yeah... my BMs were definitely pushing this stuff out, but it was too high up to get to with my fingers.
Maybe it was getting pushed out from the cervix? Who knows, but it gave me some hope.

Maybe if I am going to ovulate on my own, that's the reason why my OPKs have still been coming back with decent lines even though the HPTs have been getting lighter.
Today's tests are REALLY light. Woke up just a little earlier than usual so that could be why, but fmu was a really good hold.
I'll try to remember to take another test this afternoon.
HPT is super super faint. Still something there, but only just a shadow. OPK is obviously a lot lighter.

So yeah.... I guess we'll BD just in case. I'll keep an eye on my temps, but it's going to be difficult since my temps have kind of been all over the place b/c of the m/c. I guess I'll know for sure if AF arrives on its own.
I'm not holding my breath that I'll ovulate on my own. I haven't probably since I was a teenager.

Bleh... slight hangover

Ok, first up... here are this mornings tests.

There's still a line on the HPT, but it's very very slowly getting fainter. OPK is surpringly still dark though. Sigh, wouldn't it be some shit if I O'd on my own.
I can still hope for something at least.

Left O still aches a little, not much thankfully. Makes me wonder why though. Why did it get SO sore from this?

Did drink last night. Drank too much. I always end up forgetting to let the alcohol kick in before I drink more. BLEH! Paid for it last night and with the slight hangover this morning. It was still fun though heh.
I do NOT recommend Skittles Vodka. WAY too much work for not even a good payoff. Sure it looks pretty w/ the vibrant colored vodka, but there is barely any skittles taste to cover the vodka/alcohol burn and as I said, just way too much work having to filter out the nasty white skittles gunk.
Want to try Jolly Rancher vodka whenever we decide to drink again, but UGH, even thinking about that is making me want to hurl.


Oh and I'm sorry I haven't been a very good blogger buddy. I promise to catch up with everyone soon :)

Feeling better

Not really emotionally.. not yet at least, but physically I'm feeling better.

Here's FMU tests

Getting lighter I think?
The FMU PP was really good, so yeah, I'd say getting lighter.

Not really bleeding anymore. With FMU, there was a slight peachy tint when I used the bathroom, but that's about it.

I'm still a bit sore down there. Specially my left ovary, but it's getting better. Not as bad as it was yesterday thankfully.

RE's office forgot to call with beta results. I don't care though. I would if my tests were still getting darker, but now that they're getting lighter, I know that this is ending and beta results don't really matter right now. Well, at least not until they reach 0.

Plan to get my drink on tonight if DH is up for it. Feel like a total lush saying that lol. Oh well. I want some skittles vodka. Never had it before but it's so purdy and sounds good.

Def lightening

Test for this afternoon.

Def slowly lightening up thank goodness.
Those other pink tests were wondfo right? These don't have the HCG on the pink handle part. They look the same though except for that... *shrugs*
Either way, the OPK is def getting lighter.

Pain is ok. Tender bloated sore feeling if I move too much, but other than that I'm ok. After I get done making lunch going to go lay on the couch and read or watch a movie.

Long post....

Couldn't frickin log on.
Lets just say, a lot has happened.

So yesterday, I got up to fix breakfast. About 10 minutes later, I started getting shooting pains in my vajay. They slowly got a little worse to where the pain would radiate up to my uterus and cause it to cramp.
It concerned me, but honestly didn't think much of it.
Went back to sleep, woke up, and pain is still there.
Uhm ok.
I took my morning test.

Crap... it's darker!
Sit at the computer to do my usual stuff.
Start feeling gushes down there. Not big ones, just really slight ones. I've been feeling really wet down there the past few days and just thought it was cm as it was before.
Right in the comp room though, I stood up, and pulled down my shorts and saw that there was blood on the panty liner. Cue the freak out!

Seriously, I started shaking and pacing the house. I tried getting in touch with DH, but where he's located in the hospital, he gets absolutely no reception on his phone.
So I call the hospital trying to get in touch with him, and the frickin operators don't pick up until the 5th time I call!
I finally get his extention number and call him and as soon as I hear his voice, I completely break down. I tell him that I'm bleeding and he needs to get home right now to take me to the hospital.
He says he needs to tell someone but he'll be home ASAP.
He calls a little later to tell me he's coming home and to call my RE's office to tell them what's going on.
This is at about noon. So I call, leave a message for the nurse. Get a call back about 30mins later. The nurse tells me to come in to there at 2:30 b/c the RE is currently in surgery.
That's a bit of a relief since I really didn't want to go in to the ER and have some stranger looking at my lady junk.

DH gets home finally, and he comforts me. Just his presence is a comfort and I really calm down. I'm still freaking out but it's not crying constantly freak out.
We finally go and get to the RE's office, and they do an u/s. RE first tells us that b/c my beta levels have been so low, that we're probably not going to see anything, but we'd check just in case.
He was right though. Nothing looked out of the ordinary... except for my right ovary. RE didn't say anything about it... I'll come back to that in a min.

Everything else looked normal though. That was a big relief.
Afterwards, he mentioned that usually with ectopics, the woman usually won't be in any pain until beta levels are a lot higher, so he thinks this is just my body finally continuing the m/c and flushing it out.
He also mentions that he still thinks we'll get and stay pregnant. It's just a matter of luck and not giving up. I wish there was more he could do for us though. I know he doesn't like all of those tests that are done. Like the clotting ones and such. He's been doing this for a while now and I do trust his judgement. I'll ask if there's anything I could take for egg quality or something. I'm already taking royal jelly, but maybe there are other things.
Oh and they also took blood for a beta, but since it was so late, won't get results until today. They may have gone up again, but I think the next one done whenever they want me in again will finally be at 0 or close to it.

Anyway.... last night was ok. Pain was pretty bad. I couldn't strain at all or move my stomach around b/c it caused the aching to get worse.

Today has been a little better. Bleeding is still a light to heavy spotting. It's turned really mucousy like my AFs can get.
Uterus doesn't ache, it's my ovaries right now. The whole area down there is really tender and sore feeling when pressed.
I took a test this morning, and it is A LOT lighter than the one from yesterday morning.

Actually a really huge relief to see that. It means this is going to happen naturally, so hopefully the RE will be fine with us trying again in July.

Oh and about my right ovary. The RE really only glanced at it for a sec, but it was obvious something was happening to it. It was covered in follicles and I mean completely covered and some of them actually looked big... as in mature size. I mentioned it to DH last night and even he noticed it. The RE didn't seem concerned about it but I thought that was weird.
WTH is my ovary doing?
Wouldn't it be some shit if it ovulated on it's own. I guess we'll know if I get AF on my own.

So yeah... that's where I'm at right now. In a little bit of pain still, but feeling ok. Sucks that this is happening of course though, and I haven't finished mourning this loss yet.
I already told DH that I am def not going out tonight. I don't give a damn if he tells everyone what is happening... I'm just not going out. I don't have the emotional energy right now to hear about her pregnancy and I need to rest physically.

Tests and.... yeah

Here are noon tests. Could only manage about a 2.5hr hold, but meh, whatever.
Here are the wondfos.... sigh, pretty sure the hpt is getting darker.....

And here's the last answer.
I dunno, guess I was expecting it to be a lot darker by now? The line did darken up after the time limit, but meh.... it's after the time limit...

Here's the answer from 2 days ago. Not the best comparison since the lighting is different.



The one from today is just SLIGHTLY darker, but if my hcg was doubling as it should.... like I said... wouldn't it be darker by now?

My digi test battery has finally faded. No more YES+ to taunt me. Only have a paper plate full of pink dyes to do that now.

I guess I have a very few set of symptoms. Dull headaches constantly. Most of them come and go, but there have been a few that I need to take tylenol for and then others that just won't go away at all and eventually cause my stomach to get upset.

Acne in places I haven't gotten it in since I was a teenager.

And yeah... that's it.

Been googling as much stuff as I can. Recently looked up negative blood tests but still pregnant.

Not a lot of info but it seems to happen to quite a few women.

That's not really my situation since my blood tests are coming up with something, but I thought it was interesting to read the experiences.

I just wish the women that did experience it would go in to more detail. Like what was their HCG number when they got the negative, what was it when they got the positive? What did their HPTs look like when they finally got a positive? Was it dark? Light?

Nope.. it's usually just vague responses.

But yeah, all of the other worst case scenerios sound a lot more like what I'm experiencing now. SIGH! I need to just push myself away from the computer for a while....