BLEH *gag*

DH and I both reuse plastic cups to save money and reduce waste a little (although I'm sure those nice purdy glass ones would reduce it even more heh)....
Just rinse out and re-use. Easy enough... well.. that's until you don't think to check to make sure nothing is in it before pouring your drink.
There is nothing worse than finishing up your drink only to spot a mystery object at the bottom of your cup. BLEH!!!!!!
And of course it was milk so I couldn't see it until the very end.
It's probably just a little piece of food from dinner last night that somehow got flung in to the cup, but still... *barf*

Everything is good here.
Decided to get some cleaning done today. Didn't do the entire house like I need to, but I put up a lot of the Xmas decor finally.. YAY! heh I can't lift up the heavy containers so DH is gonna have to do that.
I vacuumed too. GOOD LORD the carpet needs to be steam cleaned, shampooed, whatever the hell they do. It is GROSS.
But I guess that's what we get w/ 3 dogs a cat and offwhite carpet. Sigh..... I still want to strangle the people the picked the color.... COME ON... offwhite? WTH? Even my neat-freak of a mom wouldn't be able to keep this carpet clean.

Holy cow

I just got the most terrible clothing catalogue EVER!!!
I never signed up for it so just junk mail, but still.
It's for a website called womanwithin.com.... and I swear... they sell nothing but ugly ass Mom Jeans type clothing. Yeah... Mom Jeans!!!!!
And don't even get me started on the granny panties and moomoos!!!
Just the ugliest, most unflattering drab clothes you can imagine.. this place is selling.
I am not fashion forward at all, but even I wouldn't wear this shit.
Even the beautiful models they have in the clothes look like total crap in them!!!
I'm not saying all clothes have to be tight, but come on.... this stuff is just hideous.
Take a look if you don't believe me... :P
There are suprisingly a couple (and by a couple, I mean just that... a couple) of things that aren't that bad, but the majority...... wow.

Oh I've been neglectful

Of this blog. I really haven't had anything to post about unless you want to hear about how I still haven't put up the Christmas decoration. It's all still sitting in the dining room area :P At least it's not outside so.... yeah :P lol
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DH and I were supposed to go to a concert this Sunday. It was our Christmas present to eachother. I was SO looking forward to it, but we're being safe and I'm staying home.
Thankfully he found a coworker to go with him. They're going out to dinner first.... to a sushi place... ehehehehe.
It's funny b/c DH has never had sushi before and doesn't like fish :P His friend LOVES it but his fiance doesn't so he's taking this oppurtunity to go heh.
It's just funny b/c I can't imagine DH liking it, but SO many people rave about it, ya never know, he might enjoy it :)
I've never had sushi sushi myself. I love the Korean equavalent which is called kimbap. No raw anything in it and it's DELICIOUS, but usually ends up making me burp like crazy when I eat it heh.
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We have to go to that coworkers wedding at the end of Feb. BLEH. I just don't like crowds. As I'm sure I've said before.. I am SO not a social butterfly. I'm that person you see standing away from everyone else, or if there's a pet around, I'm the one focusing all of my attention on the pet :P lol
I'm awkward and have nothing in common with the average adult.... especially other women.
But I'll go b/c this could be the start of a great friendship for DH and this guy... so I'll go for DH :)

10w1d

So I had my appointment today. I'm not going to get in to the details about it here... if you want to read those you can click here to view the post.
I will say that everything is great though :)

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I've been meaning to ask this ever since the big news of it happened.

Does anyone think that Beyonce actually had a surrogate & faked being pregnant?

Ya know... I have no idea, but I certainly wouldn't put it past a celebrity.

Nothin much

Haven't posted in a few days so figured I would.
Nothing much going on here.
I had to go to the pharmacy today and pick up a couple days worth of progest b/c of prior approval BS.
SO annoying.
Frickin 4 suppositories cost me $10!!!! Holy crap!
It better be cleared up by Wed.

Still haven't restored the computer yet. I dunno where any of the networking stuff is or any idea on how to set it all up so will probably have to wait for DH to finally stop procrastinating about it and get it done or just tell me.

Nothing much going on with symptoms. Come and go, but mostly I feel fine with still freaks me out lol
I have my last RE appointment on Wed so we'll see what's up.

If I don't post for a while...

... it's b/c I'm trying to fix my computer still. It's just so screwed up. I'm going to have to just wipe everything, but before I do, I have to copy and save everything I can which is going to be a huge pain in the ass.

We'll see what happens though and if I do have to completely wipe everything.. damnit, that better frickin fix it!

They are driving me crazy

Talking about my brother and his family.
My brother and his wife are just SO frickin irresponsible and depend WAY too much on others (especially DH and I) giving them handouts to survive on.
I don't mind helping out every once in a while b/c that's what family is for, but damn.. not all the damn time!!!

Like today... I have to go pick up SiL and then pick up their girls from school. Not a big deal and I would've been more than happy to help out, but I was asked at the last possible frickin minute. Which still wouldn't have been so bad, but it's b/c my brother is going to an interview. Awesome right? Well that's until you realize it's b/c he was fired from his previous jobs because he's a lazy ass fucking moocher who can't keep a damn job for anything.
He had a GREAT njob at the local Verizon call center here. Great benefit, great insurance and what does he do? He fucks it all up, constantly calls in sick for no damn reason and gets fired!
And he's constantly lying to me and everyone else about what's really going on. I'm just so sick of hearing his bullshit and I'm so sick of hearing that once again he's jobless.
I mean hell, does he watch the frickin news? There aren't exactly a ton of jobs out there right now.

And don't even get me started on the toilet that they call their home. It is DISGUSTING even just walking up to their door b/c you can smell what is going on inside.
It's a combo of smoke, piss, and shit and I am not exaggerating at all.
They used to have nice furniture.. that is until they let their dogs piss all over them and their girls completely ruin them w/ spilled whatever all over them.
So they got rid of that.. and now just let their 2 dogs and probably their cats as well piss and shit ALL over the living room floor.
This goes back to the incident of my nieces having shit all over their shoes, getting it ALL over the back seat of my car and then SiL having the GD nerve of trying to play innocent and asking "Where did that come from?" As if it came from MY house. I don't fucking think so. Yes, our dogs have shit in the house.. on RARE occassions, but guess what, we actually clean it up!!! *gasp* I know crazy right? Actually cleaning it up so no one will step in it by accident!

And don't even get me started on their completely irresponsible spending. They are poor... period.
They have no money to be doing anything other than paying their bills and putting gas in their car. MAYBE buying something here and there if money permits, but that would be on a rare occassion.
Yet wht do they spend on.... blue ray dvds, computer games, cigarettes, computer parts (like a brand new monitor SiL bought JUST before they asked to borrow money from us.. I didn't know at the time), and whatever other unnecessary crap.

Just ugh, they drive me crazy.
Why is it that the ones we love are the ones to disappoint us the most?
It's not like I don't know what to expect from them... I guess I just still hope that they'll finally get their acts together and be good parents to their girls.
Even though time and time again, they show that they're probably never going to change... silly me over here still hopes they do.

Stupid computers!!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I'm ready to throw this damn thing out the window, but can't b/c we don't have the money to buy me another lol.

I think I did get a virus on it. I have no idea where since I don't go to funky sites, so *shrugs*. I'm pretty sure the programs I run got rid of it though, BUT it did it's damage before I caught it.
Now my computer is running funny, freezing up and just being a pain in the ass!!!
I have SO much stuff on the computer that I would have to burn on to a disk if I wanted to just do a whole system restore and UUUUUGH big headache!

Sigh... maybe if we get a nice big tax return... and don't use all of it to pay off bills I can convince someone to buy me a new one :P lol Yeah right heh... I'd still have to copy everything I wanted and hope none of it was carrying a virus with it. Sigh....

Technology can kiss my ass right now.

New Blog

So I was reading the blog Working on Our Miracle (congrats BTW :) ) and what Lisa is going to do.. by making a new blog to talk about preg related stuff made sense to me.

I want to start a pregnancy journal sort of thing but I don't think it's right to post it here.
I know exactly what it feels like to find out a blogger I've been following is pregnant while you're still trying. It can be extremely difficult when all talk turns to pregnant/baby related stuff. You either stop following or just stop going to their blog.

I don't want to post all of my preg related issues here b/c I don't want to drive anyone away. I don't want anyone to ever feel like they can't come here any longer b/c it's too difficult. Ya know?

So here's a link to my new blog. You can follow if you like. It's just more of my incoherant ramblings... nothing special :)
Fat & Pregnant

I'll still be updating this blog too. Lord knows I have plenty of bottled up infertility anger left to be shared with everyone! Or just anger in general :P hehe

You ever get those moments...

Where you just want to be a complete bitch on forums?
You just don't want to be supportive and tell whoever exactly how you're feeling.

Like on one site... there are multiple threads by people who got pregnant accidently when they didn't want to. And they come on and start whining and complaining b/c they didn't want to have a baby and blahblah boo-frickin-hoo.
I just want to scream at these idiots!!!!!!!!
USE F-ING PROTECTION THEN YOU MORON!!!!! I mean damn how fucking hard is it to make your boyfriend, dh, whoever to put a condom on their stick? And if YOU weren't ready, why isn't your dumbass on birth control?? Why didn't YOU take measures to prevent this shit from happening?
Don't come on to a website and bitch and moan and expect sympathy b/c you're a dumbass!!

Yeah... I WISH I could say that sometimes... but I don't b/c I know it would be mean. Sigh, doesn't stop me from thinking it though.....

9 weeks.... wow

And I'm starting to freak out again today. I know I know.. what's new.
It's just that my symptoms have been minimal and I just don't feel pregnant at all. I guess one really wouldn't at this point if they're not having morning sickness.
I dunno, I'm just worried. As I said before and as someone said to me, the worry is never going to go. I'll have those reassuring moments and then the worry is going to start back up once again.

So anywho... I think at 9 weeks, the baby is now called a fetus.. It's either 9 weeks or 10.
*shrugs* Just thought that was an interesting bit of info heh.
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Oh and as for all of the debates that start up out there. Yeah, it gets pretty damn tiring. I really could care less how someone wants to birth their child, breastfeed or not, get their ears pieced, where the baby sleeps... any of it, but good lord other people sure do.
If it's not THEIR way, then you are just totally wrong and a monster!
Some of the debates can be fun if you're in the right mood for it (so you can just laugh at all of the people taking it WAY too seriously), but yeah, it's just tiring most of the time.
_____________

And finally... I'm pretty sure my computer has a virus... or HAD a virus that screwed something up b/c my comp is F-ed. I've tried looking up info but it's all so vague and just not helpful at all.

Rant #2

I must be in bitchmode today b/c everything is really pissing me off lol.

Why is circumcision SUCH a hot debate topic???
I understand people have very strong opinions on the matter, but how about not being so fucking judgemental about it???
Like the asshats who want to say that it's barbaric and they don't know how anyone could "torture" their baby by getting it done.
Even if you do believe that, which is totally fine b/c we all have opinions.... how about saying it in a better way so you're not attacking those that want to have it done for their LO???? Huh? Can we do that?? Ya know.. be MATURE adults that can discuss shit without calling anyone names??

And if you couldn't tell, yes, if we're having a boy, he's getting circumsized. I fully understand that it's a totally unncessary procedure and there's no medical benefits and blahblahblah. All crap I've heard before!
I don't give a flying shit what anyone thinks about the matter.
It's not torture, we're not taking him to some dirty back alley where a hobo is going to chew it off. He's not going to fucking remember it, and it's not going to make his willy rot and drop off. DH is circumsized and does VERY well with his bald one eyed monster thank you very frickin much!

It's not your baby so how about shutting the hell up about what others want to do. This is NOT abuse so mind your own damn business.



Phew... ok lets see if anything else rubs me the wrong way today........ other than my mom who called only to once again tell me that we needed to get rid of our dogs b/c they're going to make our baby sick and die.......

Rant!!

Alrighty, I go to 3 different forums for ttcers preggos etc.
Well one of them is VERY active and I'm sure a lot of women who have ever googled something TTC related or pregnancy related has stumbled upon this site.
Anyway... why post something like "Am I overreacting?" and then get pissed off when someone says yes???
If you're just looking to rant and have people on your side, don't frickin ask anyone for their opinion on if you're just being a GD drama queen!

I am not going to hold someone's hand and give them a big load of horsecrap b/c that's not what they asked for. They explained their situation and specifically asked if they're overreacting. If I think so, then I'm going to F-ing tell you and don't you dare get F-ing pissed off at me for telling you and honest answer!
I try my best to write out a nice reply so hopefully it doesn't come off as rude or mean, but pfft, that doesn't matter b/c people just want to hear what they want.
It would be one thing if I posted with something like I did earlier.. calling them drama queens that are looking for validation and attention, or something worse, but I don't (even if I am thinking it :P ).

Just UUUUUUUUGH
If I post something and ask for opinions, I may not like all of them, but I'm certainly not going to get all pissed off when someone does post something I don't want to hear (so long as it's not posted in a rude manner.. blahblah).

Sex... what sex?

Ok I admit that at first, I was afraid to have sex. And when we finally did (I think I was just over 5w), I had the teeniest tiniest amount of blood right after. I mean just a barely there line of blood on the tp.
I think it was a mistake to tell DH about it b/c he hasn't touched me since. SIGH!

Whenever I ask him about it, he always just shrugs or laughs it off, but damnit, I want some sex!! It's not even that my libido is going crazy or anything... I just want that interaction with him, ya know? Plus you read everywhere how you have increased blood supply down there so it makes things feel better and damnit, I wanna test that out! rofl

Sigh.. I certainly don't want to push him to do it, but I just hope he gets over whatever he's feeling soon. Maybe it just weirds him out or something, I dunno.

_____________
I'm used to the symptoms coming and going. It still worries me a little bit, but I'm mostly fine with it now since it seems to be my normal.
Today was one of the almost no symptoms day. I did have a little bit of ms/gagging before eating and after eating lunch, but that's been it.
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Did I mention that I bought a fetal doppler? If I have... oh well, gonna repeat myself lol.
I bought a sonoline b doppler off of ebay. Think I paid $56 for it. Kind of expensive but hopefully worth it.
I tried using it the day of my 8w u/s and didn't get anything, not that I thought I would.
I barely got my own heartbeat to show up on it! hehe
I figure with all of my belly fat down there, I'd be lucky if I picked anything up before 10 weeks. I'm gonna try again when I hit 9, but not holding my breath.

Another day... another post

I was wondering this morning while I was waking up.
Why does it take so long for first timers to feel the baby moving? What is it.. something like 16w or something like that? Maybe sooner, I dunno.
But still... when women get implantation cramps from this teeny tiny little thing.. and then it takes SO long for us to feel the baby....
I dunno.. just seemed weird to me lol.
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Here are the photos of the cards I made....
First up is the butterfly one that I went with. There are other colors, pink, blue, green, & red.
I totally went lazy on the front of it b/c I honestly have no design talent lol. I'll have instances where I'll get a good idea for design elements, but yeah... most of the time no.

And here's the heart one I didn't go with b/c I completely screwed up the front b/c of the damn glue I used.
It made some of the cards look like I had greasy fingers or something when I made them and just... bleh. Looked awful.

It's SUPER easy to make. I followed the instructions in these videos and really.. it's SO simple to do. Gets a bit tedious when you have to do 9 of them though :P

Part 1
Part 2

Happy birthday Mom!!

So I just got back from my mom's house.
Wished her a happy birthday, gave her a hug and then gave her the card I made (I'll post a photo soon).
She's Korean and even though she's been in the US for over 30 years, her English still isn't all that great so she didn't really understand what the card said...
The little insert says
"You are invited to
Ziggy Alexander's
or
Zoey Addison's
birthday on
August 14th 2012
(date subject to change)"

Yeah it just went right over her head. She looked at me and wondered what August 14th was, so I busted out the copy of the u/s photos from yesterday. She looked at them, took a second and gasped and gave me a big hug. Of course I started crying and she started and yeah. It was a nice moment :)
Even though we really aren't all that close, it was nice to share that moment with her and for her to be the first person to know.

I've been a weepy mess today and tonight isn't going to get any better w/ the new Grey's. UGH poor Teddy :(

One Born Every Minute

Does anyone watch this show. I only just heard about it.
We don't have cable so not like I would hear about it lol.
Watching episodes online and good lord... I'm a blubbering mess watching this show from beginning to end.
What really gets me is that first cry of the baby and that calm when the baby is on the mother's chest and just stares. It's so amazing and sigh... I want that so much.

Anywho, been looking up info on the hospitals here and good lord I have NO idea what the hell I'm doing rofl.
No one prepares you for this. I have no idea what to look for or what I want.
I mean I found a birth center that has gotten a lot of great reviews, but 1, I have no idea where it is and how far away it is, and 2... I don't know if I'd even be able to see a midwife b/c I'm not sure if I'd be considered high risk.
UGH
I think I'm just gonna go with my gyn/ob. I'll have to talk to DH about it but I know he's gonna be useless and just tell me to go wherever I want. Sigh....

MS has really kicked it up a notch today. I'm still not throwing up or anything and really not all that nauseous, but my gagging is out of control. Nothing is even making me gag, it just comes on suddenly. Sipping on some ginger ale. Not sure if it's gonna help any but we'll see.

Oh I'm so nervous about telling my mom today. Part of me just wants to wait, but the majority wants to tell her. I don't even think it's telling her specifically... I just want to tell someone, ya know?
DH and I have been through so much alone.. it will be nice to have someone to share this with now.
And thinking about telling everyone else makes me SUPER nervous. That's still a month away which feels like forever right now.

Well, anyway.... I'll stop rambling. One last thing...
I just want to thank everyone that has stuck with me through all of this. You're all so amazing and you'll never know just how much I appreciate the support.
Who knew that some texts on a computer monitor from people hundreds to thousands of miles away could be so comforting.

8w1d ultrasound

So... without delaying anything.
Everything looked great :)
Our little peanut doesn't look so tiny any longer.
Heartbeat was still nice and strong and we saw the little arm and leg buds. So adorable :D

Just a huge smile on my face as soon as our bean popped up. I first saw just a big black blob and my heart sank, but once the RE got it situated, he/she popped right up :)

RE gave me the option of being released to an OB then or to come back one more time. I honestly have NO idea on the OB thing so we decided to come back to the RE one last time lol. I'll have to look in to it more. I think I'm probably just going to go with my gyn since she's also an ob. Just easier that way since they have all my info already along w/ the thyroid stuff.

WHEW!!!
Ok so worry is abated for the time being. Still not gone completely as I'm sure it never will be :P

2nd u/s today

Not until 3:15 though. BLEH!
RE had surgery to do so we couldn't get in until late.
If everything is ok, I wonder when he'll release me to my OB. I'm fairly certain I heard them tell me before that they do that at 10 weeks.

I'm SO frackin nervous though. Just so scared that something is wrong or the baby stopped growing or just something like that. Hell, even if everything is ok today doesn't mean it will be tomorrow. As was said to me in the previous post... we just know too much and this worry will never go away.
I wish I could be one of the naive women that has no worries. That had no problem telling everyone that they were pregnant as soon as they found out b/c there was no doubt in their mind that they were going to have a baby.
Oh the bliss to be that naive......

IF everything is ok, I'll be telling my mom tomorrow. It's her birthday (I have NO idea how old she is.. sigh...), and I dunno... even though we're really not that close, I still want to tell her. Give her a great birthday present. It's not like this would be her first grandbaby or anything, but she's really not super close to my nieces. Mostly b/c of my brother and his wife. I won't even get in to that big mess...
I'll have to make sure she doesn't tell anyone though. That's gonna be tough b/c if she blabs to my brother, then it's all over... everyone is going to know.

Light & Heavy

So, everything has been pretty normal around here.
My bowels aren't exactly functioning like they used to.
I've been eating a lot of stuff that usually had me in the bathroom 4 or 5 times after an hour to help get things moving so I don't get another gut cramp, but nope... didn't work at all lol.
It's not that I'm even severely constipated or anything, but I guess having met loosen everything for so long, my body just wasn't used to things being solid again :P lol
Ok I'll stop the poo talk now.
________________

UGH I have Xmas decor to take down today. Shouldn't take too long hopefully but I'm just lazy and don't wanna do it :P Was supposed to this weekend w/ DH and he offered to help me yesterday but I didn't feel like it.
________________

Forgot to mention this earlier, but someone on Xmas gave us frickin fleas!! UGH I'm so pissed about that.
We put Advantage or Frontline on our dogs. We only had to put it on them 3 times this year b/c I guess after a while, the fleas just automatically stay away or something, I dunno how that works.
Anyway... almost right after Christmas, I'm waking up in the middle of the night getting bitten up and itching like crazy.
I tell DH that I think we have fleas and he doesn't believe me at first. I insist we buy more flea crap and he finally gives in. And of course that night, he finally sees one of the dogs scratching and he found a flea on him.
He better listen to me next time I say we have fleas. If there are fleas anywhere, I will be the first one to know. I dunno WTF it is about me, but fleas and mosquitos love my ass and I always get bitten up to hell.
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Now time for the heavy stuff.
So I'm 8 weeks today and have my appointment tomorrow and I'm scared shitless.
I'm a worrier... that's just how it is. If I'm not worried about something with myself, I'm worried about something else.
And I'm SO damn scared for tomorrow.
It doesn't help that a friend just found out that her baby's heartbeat stopped beating at just over 8 weeks. She saw a nice strong heartbeat at her 8w scan. Everything was perfect. And at her 9w scan, her last one with her RE.... disaster. :(
If you don't know who I'm speaking of.. it's Kara or as some may know her.. Unaffected. You can visit her blog For we are bound by symmetry and please give her some support if you haven't already.
It's just so unfair that this is happening to her or hell, that it happens to anyone that does the right thing.
I don't understand that. It's not like she was out on the street shooting up drugs and chugging down cheap alcohol.... and yet bitches that do still do that have babies all the time while those of us that don't have this happen. How the hell is that fair?
I'm just so incredibly sad for her loss. I was thinking about it all last night and this morning and sigh... it sucks.

It's a new year.... time for some babies!

I guess I'm having headaches caused by hormones. Thankfully 2 tylenol quickly resolves it. I thought it was b/c of dehydration, but I made sure to drink plenty of water yesterday and all night long whenever I got up.
UGH I hate waking up with a headache that won't go away. Thought sleeping would help but no. Thankfully it didn't get horrible and like I said, tylenol when I finally took some got rid of it by the time I woke up again.
I am NOT complaining though heh. Bring all of it on b/c I am SO ready for it.
Whatever it takes, I'm gonna push through it.

I am def not eating like I should. I'm not eating more than usual, BUT what I am eating I think is causing me to gain weight. I'm already up about 5lbs and that is NOT good.
All I want is carbs carbs carbs though and I know that is the cause of the quick weight gain.
Gonna have to get control of it and start walking every day to help.

DH is having some difficulties finding someone to go to a concert with him. We bought the tickets before I got the BFP. I still want to go and think it should be ok, but I'm going to ask the RE on Wed. I'm sure I'll be looked at like I'm crazy but oh well lol.

Sigh.... it's Sunday now... so yeah.. still a long way before my appointment!