Someone slap me

I need to stop testing! I really do lol.
Using up all of my tests. I only have hmm... probably 40 more now :P lol
Took an afternoon test and it's the same thing as the morning one.
Total BFN, but my eyes catch where the line should be. It's not even a shadow line.. just like a really slight difference in the way it looks.
I'm soooo staring at the tests too hard :P
I need to remind myself that willpower alone is not going to make that 2nd line appear! lol

I laugh now, but it feels like I'm a few steps away from being an emotional wreck. I'm not crying at the drop of a hat or anything, but thinking about it makes me want to. Seeing pregnancy on tv, makes me jealous and angry.
Our vacation isn't going to be really any better b/c DH's friends are fertile. So fertile in fact that both of their kids were accidents and she willingly got her tubes tied after their last one b/c she gets knocked up so easily (she has a daughter from another guy).
So yeah... seeing them isn't going to help. Seeing their perfectly adorable, well behaved children is just going to remind me of what we don't have.
And don't even get me started on Friday nights. I am DREADING this friday's dinner b/c I know the gender is going to come up and I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to hold it together.
Sigh......
Have I mentioned how much infertility sucks? Yeah? Well.... yeah.......