Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Bleh... sadface

My mom just came over to drop off some stuff and to visit a bit.
We're not super close. My parents divorced when my brother and I were really young. She had a bad drinking problem back in the day that drove us all away from her.
Anyways, she asked about us trying, asked if we were, and asked if I had gone to the doctor.
So I told her all about what's wrong with me and what I've gone through so far.
And I just couldn't bring myself to tell her about the m/c. I almost did, and my eyes started to water up. Thankfully she didn't notice, but gawd.... to have something like that still have such an impact on you. I didn't want to burst in to tears in front of her (I don't like crying in front of people... not really a 'not wanting to show weakness'... thing, it's mainly b/c I don't want to make ppl uncomfortable? and it's embarassing. Silly I know).

I know a lot of women out there experience multiple m/c and honestly, I don't know how they do it. I had 1 early loss and I get teary eyed and want to sob at just the thought.
I hope I never have to experience that again.

I dunno why I'm so hesitant to tell anyone about our fertility struggles. Maybe b/c I don't want them to see ME as the problem (even though it is me). My body is already failing me, I don't want others to know. If that makes any sense.


unaffected said...

I'm sorry it was such an emotional visit with your mom. I admire your strength in dealing with your loss. I don't know how anyone does it, honestly. **big hugs**

LisaB said...

I agree with Kara, you are a tough girl. I know how it can be with family, past history, etc. *hugs* If you ever need to talk, I'm here.