New title?

Hmmm.... Guess I'm going to have to change the title of my blog soon. Well hopefully!
I'll wait until after my 2nd beta is done :D

I think I'm going to start planning out the mural for the nursery as well. Along with the baby blanket I want to make, and whatever stuffed toys I may want to make.
I'll post photos of everything of course once I get started.

I'm getting kind of concerned that I'm having aching on my right O area. Could just be a cyst, or who the hell knows.

Still there, but not darker

I'm kind of worried that the answer test isn't darker, BUT I'm hoping it's just b/c the answer test before was taken late afternoon so there wasn't time for a significant rise in hcg or some such thing lol.

The wondfo IRL has a much better more visible line now though which eases my mind a little. There's def progression there from the ones I took yesterday morning.

My appointment is Thursday morning. So excited to get some numbers and to get confirmation. I just hope everything comes back ok.

Also, my temp keeps rising which I'm super happy about. Even though I had to take today's temp an hour before I usually do, it was still higher. I just hope it keeps going that way.

Made the call

So made the awkward call to my RE's office. I hate talking on the phone, but I hate leaving messages as well. I'm SO painfully awkward, I never know what to say.

So yep, really hope they'll be able to get us in on Thursday for whatever tests they're gonna do.  OOOO I hope an ultrasound! Weird that I'd actually get excited at the prospect of being poked with the dildo cam, but if they could possibly see anything, then woo!

I'm still in a state of shock. I still don't want to fully believe it yet.... even though I've been googling up everything I can think of lol.

And I think I'm going to stick with the conception date instead of first day of the cycle since that date is based on 28day cycles and well, I sure didn't have that.
I think the conception date would be more accurate for myself.
So that means I'm 4weeks right now.
God, that is so weird to just even talk about. ME.. pregnant? Pfffft

And is it pathetic that I'm afraid to lay on my stomach at night? lol I mean the logical non-crazy side knows that that's fine, but then the nervous part of me thinks that I'm crushing things down there lol.

Answer tests!

DH brought me home 2 boxes of Answer tests.

Took one right away w/ some saved PP and thank god that line is still there.

I'm still in total shock and I can't believe it has finally happened.

I just hope this is a nice sticky monkey for 9 months :)

Took 3 photos of the test in different light.

Just updating

A quick update.
I'm still nervous today, but nothing like I was yesterday.

I think I'm feeling more twinges and slight cramps in my uterus. Nothing major.

I also had a BM earlier. There was a small amount of creamy CM on the tp, and one spot of it had a very slight orange tint.
I don't like that I'm still spotting, but at least it hasn't gotten heavier *knock on wood*

I'm really hoping it's just our little sea monkey getting comfortable down there.

15days past Trigger

Here are the new tests today. Well these were taken with SMU. I did wake up early again to take the digital and took another wondfo as well, but the digital was a NO, and the photo for the other wasn't very good so I'm not gonna worry about posting those.

The first photo is the first one I took. I thought the line may be weird and tilted so I took another test. 2nd photo, bottom test.

Lines on both within the time limit. Just not very dark... YET hopefully.

Yay

I added the little floating widget thing. I love that.
Saw it on another blog http://pookiedoo87.blogspot.com/ and just had to use it.
I hope I get to keep it up!
I put it in as the first day of this cycle, which would mean I'm due May 1st, BUT if I go by possible conception, then it's the 9th. Not that big of a difference so I'll just stick with the easier one that I def know.

Debatng when I should call up the RE. Should I wait for the digi, or leave a message now or what.
I'll probably wait.

Symptoms

Let me just start off by saying, I don't know if all or any of these are related to me possibly being preggo, BUT I'm going to list everything that I can remember anyway. None of these are going to be in order of when I experienced them b/c honestly, I don't remember.


Nausea
I think this was caused my the trigger shot b/c it was only very slight and only lasted for a couple of days when I was still picking up the trigger on tests (I think).

Sore Bewbies
The trigger shot made them sore, BUT unlike the other ovulatory injection cycle, this time, they've stayed sore.
Also, if I put too much pressure on certain spots (like when taking a shower), there is a lingering pain that gets worse before better... if that makes any sense.

Changing Nipples
The trigger shot causes my nips to get very sensitive, larger and darker. Didn't realize that they got darker until this cycle.
My nipples started to get better, but have still remained somewhat tender. Not as much but still sensitive. Also, although my left nipple has gone down in size and gotten lighter, my right nip seems to be getting bigger and is really dark. It's also itchy.

Throat
I've been having to clear my throat for a little over a week now. It may have nothing to do with any of this, but thought I'd mention it anyway. It almost constantly feels like I have too much phlegm in the back of my throat that needs to get loosened up.

Slightly Tired
Nothing really dramatic as some women seem to get. Except for yesterday (b/c we were out and busy when we got home), I've been wanting to take a nap midday. This has only just started though... I think maybe 4 days ago. Before, my usual naps that I would take every now and then would be an hour, maybe 2. These naps were about 3 hours each, AND I was still tired at my usual bed time and had no problem getting to sleep.

Acne
One of the banes of my existance! lol
It started getting bad I think about a week ago? I usually break out around my jawline, but I started to on my cheeks, around my nose and a few around where my glasses rest on my head.

Hairloss
I've been noticing that my hair seems to be falling out more now. It seemed to have gotten better for a while. Still more than normal, but not as bad as it was. Then I noticed a few days ago, during a shower and when I was running my fingers through my hair, that it seemed to be coming out more once again.

Ovarian Twinges
Could still be cysts, who knows. Both of my ovaries have been twinging though. Not on both sides at once. It seems like they take turns. For a while it'll be on my right side, then it'll move to my left.

Sensations in the Uterus
These could easily be explained my intestinal issues. Most of the times I have a hard time distinguishing which is which.
I think it was the day I had my temp dip. I felt 3 pushed in my uterus. Just 3. As if someone were taking their finger and just gently pushing in.
Other than that, I don't think I've felt anything.
Oh also, I had my annual pap this past Weds and when the OBGYN pressed down on my uterus, it was sore.

Spotting
As you can see from my previous posts I was damn sure AF was going to show up. The spotting only occurred during my bathroom trips (usually a BM) and there never really was a lot of it.
First night it happened, I had a BM and there was some old blood on the tp.
I had to use the bathroom again a little later (thanks metformin *grumbles*), and this time, it had turned to a redder color. It was a really washed out red w/ 3 very tiny clots. About the size of a ball in a ball point pen.
I used the bathroom again later. Not sure if it was a BM or not, and this time, it was orange in color.
Next day, I had 2 incidents of spotting. Again, both with bathroom visits, both orange in color and that's it.
Dunno if this may be implantation spotting or what, but I just hope it doesn't come back.

Wet
One of my usual PMS signs is I start feeling very wet down there. I've been getting that a lot today and had a little bit yesterday.

Non-Frequent BMs
The metformin works a number on my digestive system. I'll usually have a BM in the morning, and then another late at night after dinner. It hasn't been as consistant for the past few days. I think there was one day with no BMs, and then the rest is just maybe going once a day.

Clingy Dog
My dog Cid has been wanting to lay with me when I'm laying on the love seat. This NEVER happened before. He likes to stay over on the big couch where there's plenty of room for him. He just started doing this about 3 or 4 days ago. It's not all the time, but enough that it made me wonder.

Hotflashes & Headache
I've been getting hot flashes for a while now. Maybe around a week give or take a day or 2.
Also, I got a headache just the other day that did not want to go away and started to make me feel nauseous.

Weird Dreams
Well one of them wasn't that weird. Not sure if I explained it here? I'll repeat it.
I dreamt that I was in a doc's office getting an ultrasound done. The doc looked at me and said that it was time and that our son was ready to be born. I was supposed to come back later that day to get some shot to induce labor.
We left the hospital or office or wherever and went to Wendy's to get some food. I mentioned how weird the clouds looked to DH. From what I remember, hmm thinking about it, it kinda looked like a uterus. The outline was shaped with white clouds, and inside were stormy dark clouds.
I ordered te 10 piece nugget meal, and DH got some breakfast burritos.

And I had a dream the other night that was a bit more on the strange side. I dreamt that people like the movie psycho Michael Myers had this certain disorder that made them that way. And everyone that did have it had certain ticks. Such as they'd start to sweat uncontrollably and would get raging hardons. If it persisted, they'd go killer psycho.
In the dream, I went to this guy's room. He was an older gentleman taking care of one of the men who was afflicted with this disorder. Well I go in to the room, and this guy has a huge boner. He proceeds to put a condom on and starts whacking it off right in front of me. I'm trying my best not to look, but come on, how can you not? :P lol
Then the dream flashes to me hanging out with that guy from 28 days later..Cillian Murphy. I turn away from him, turn back, and he's sweating uncontrollably and yep, has a hardon. I get scared but do the only thing my dream self can and jump his bones lol.
There was more to the dream than that, but I think by now you've gotten the point very clearly how weird the dream was hehe.



And I think that's it. Maybe.... hmm yeah pretty sure this is it.

I think it's the real thing

So this is the 2nd FRER (and last one) that I took. I was going to hold out but I just couldn't.

I'm just glad that a 2nd line showed up and that it was easier to see.

I told DH with this test. As soon as I saw the line, I went in to our bedroom. Got the onesie that I was saving to surprise him with, and just totally broke down in to tears.

It took about 10mins for me to contain myself long enough to go out to the living room, sit by him and hand it to him.

I started crying instantly.

He said WTH, then saw the test and asked if I was pregnant.

I said maybe, or I think so or something like that, and he started to cry and then he hugged and held me.

We went grocery shopping shortly after that which is why I didn't post this sooner heh.

THEN we went out and got a some digital tests. It's a box of 2 FRERs. It's not "pregnant" or "not pregnant", but just Yes & No.

Going to wait until tomorrow w/ FMU to take one.

I'm still hesitant to celebrate completely. I think with a digi confirming, it will finally be real to me. Then I'll call up the RE's office and make an appointment for whatever the hell they want to do.

Going to post every symptom or possible symptom that I've experienced.

Holy Crap!

I think I may have  BFP. I'm scared b/c I'm not sure and it's SO light.

But there is definitely a line on the FRER.

First 2 photos are nontweaked, 2nd 2 are tweaked.

I am scared to death. I want this to be real so bad. I'm just so afraid that it's not. That the lines are nasty evaps or something.

I have one more FRER to use. Trying to hold PP right now. I wanna take it before we go grocery shopping so I can show DH and get more tests. Hopefully a digital to just give a worded confirmation instead of having to rely on just lines.

I'm trying to build up the courage to tell DH. Yes.. courage. I don't like crying in front of people. I don't think it's a weakness or any such nonsense like that, I just don't like doing it.

And I know I'm going to burst in to tears as soon as I tell him.

POASaholic to the crazy!

I am going to drive myself bonkers.
Even with the spotting tonight... I still wanted to take another test.

I do see something on it, but whether or not it has color, who knows. The camera didn't pick it up very well obviously, but hopefully you can see the little possible something.

I am going to go crazy waiting for tomorrow morning and to see if AF has stayed away or come to ruin the party.

I want to take an FRER.

I'm so scared.

Update

So AF hasn't shown up all day. I was really hesitant to get my hopes up any, and as the day drew on with still nothing.... it crept up a little, only for me to go to the bathroom, and voila another smudge of blood.

I'm also still feeling twinges in my ovaries. So yeah, it's really not looking too great right now.
Just have to wait and see what happens next.

13 days past trigger

Ok lemme explain. I didn't want to use that many tests, BUT I kept opening up their packets just to see that they had huge indents in them. I know indents in the right spots will cause shadows that make it look like a 2nd line is there, so I kept opening some. I finally got tired of tossing the indent ones away so just said F it and used some. Took 3 of them so I could compare.

And the OPK was opened accidently. Wasn't paying attention to which packs I was opening.

Just b/c I took the tests though doesn't mean that I'm not expecting AF. I'm certain the witch will show up later today.

I think this is the same thing that happened last time. Woke up to no spotting, then AF came super quickly later.

Hasn't gotten heavier

Spotting hasn't gotten heavier, but I'm positive this is what happened last time as well.
I distinctly remember thinking to myself that AF was going to be a pain and wouldn't come for a few more days b/c the spotting hadn't gotten worse and seemed to be lightening up.
And then the next day, AF showed up.

I think that is what is happening now. Right now, I seem to only have some spotting when I wipe after a BM. It's orange in color and not a lot there.

I hope, I'm even praying that I'm wrong and that this is implantation, but I know it's not. I know that tomorrow, AF is going to rear her ugly head and ruin my weekend.

Sigh... I don't want another break cycle damnit. I guess it'll be time to start exercising again if I do have to take a break. Maybe try some different herbs for the hell of it. Try Saw Palmetto and Dong Quai(sp?) and will start taking maca root again.

Spotting

Had a BM, and noticed a smudge of old blood on the tp.
Used the bathroom again a little later, and it has now gotten red and there were 3 tiny clots on the tp.
So fairly certain this cycle is over with.

I can only hope that I don't have any large cysts that will prevent us from trying again ASAP.
Hopefully with a higher starting follistim dose, I'll produce better follicles more quickly.
I've read the longer you stimulate, the worse the follicle quality is. Not sure how true that statement is though.

I'll also be discussing my luteal phase length with my RE, or PA whatever. I just don't think 11 (maybe even 10 days if this continues to get heavier) is long enough.

Indent on the FRER

I've had 4 ladies tell me they could see a line on the FRER that I posted.

After the first one, I took the test out of the plastic case so I could see if there was a line on it or not.

I didn't see anything, so didn't think much of it.

That's when 2 more mentioned they could see something, so I looked at the test again (that had now dried), and there was a big noticeable indent in it. You could see it better from the non-shiny side of the test strip.

I managed to get a photo of it.

Not saying this is definitely what everyone was seeing, but it could be.

Hopefully AF stays away and tomorrow I'll have a nice big thick undeniable pink line to share with everyone :)

12 days past trigger

As you can see, I took an FRER as well. I just had an urge to so I did.

I still have 2 more, and those are being saved for whenever. If I see something on an IC, or if AF doesn't show, then I'll take another.

I'm so scared right now that AF is going to show up. 11dpo is when I started spotting last time, and AF showed up the next day.

Feeling just so damn anxious right now. Scared of what may happen next.

11 days past trigger

So still BFNs. There always seems to be a shadow of a line whenever I take a test.

I'm not getting excited over it though. Actually feeling pretty down and out.

My temp dropped this morning. No excuse as to why. I took it like I usually do. I wa slightly rushed b/c I had to pee, BUT I stayed in bed b/c I didn't want another funky temp b/c I rushed it like before.

Oh well, hopefully it'll be up tomorrow.

My little bit of hope is fading quickly. I know I'm still fairly early, but sigh... just can't help let these negative feelings get the better of me sometimes.

10 days past trigger

Still BFNs. BOOOOO

Lines did appear on the tests, BUT I'm positive they're just typical IC bullshit lines that usually appear.

Had my annual pap today. BLEH. Thankfully it went quickly. Still, how uncomfortable is that shit.

Oh strip completely naked so the doc and feel all over you. UGH.

9 days past trigger

Still BFNs. There looked like there was an evappy indenty thing on the early-pregnancy, but still doesn't change that they're BFNs.

Gotta admit, my heart sunk.

I did have an amazing dream right before waking up.

Dreamt that DH and I went to see a doc. I had an ultrasound done, and was told that our son was ready and to come back later to get a shot to induce labor.

We left and headed to Wendy's to grab something to eat. I ordered the 10nugget combo meal, DH ordered some weird breakfast burrito meal (he hates them IRL).

We're sitting at a table outside, I mention how weird the clouds look.

And then I say, that I can't believe we're about to have a baby today.

And that's when I woke up.

My heart skipped a beat just typing all of that out. I want this... I want this. Please... please let this be our month.

8 days past Trigger

I used 2 HPTs today. I wanted to see how they compared with eachother.

The wondfo MAY still have a line on it, but I'm still going to call it BFN, b/c it's way too light for a definite. Could be an evap.

So yay for the HCG finally making its way out. Now at least, if I start getting a line, I won't have to wonder so much if it's the real deal or not.

I just hope I do get a line. Thinking about it right now.... I want it so bad I could cry. My heart skipped a beat thinking about the what ifs.

If there is a higher power... PLEASE.

Venting some

Sorry for the lack of posts lately.
I mean I know I've been posting up th pee sticks every day & complaining about my achy ladybits, but that's not much of a post.

I'm at that point in the TWW where things could start getting interesting. Well, not RIGHT away, in a couple of days though.
I'm just so nervous and afraid that this is another failed attempt. It breaks my heart to think that this won't be it once again.


Oh and off topic. I have to complain about my brother and his wife. I swear they piss me off so damn much.
They ALWAYS have financial problems b/c my brother is an idiot and gets himself fired from jobs.
Oh he says that he doesn't know why, blahblahblah, but it's total bullshit.
He's a liar. Plain and simple. He learned it from our father.
He (my brother) thinks we're stupid or something and just always feeds us complete and utter bullshit hoping that we'll buy in to it. And bad thing is, his wife is doing it now as well.
About a month ago, we gave them $700. Yep... $700, so they could pay bills off.
This is money we really don't have or can't afford to just give out and you better be damn sure they're paying every cent of it back.
Fast forward to yesterday, and my brother calls us up, wanting to talk to DH. Apparently they're mooching money off of her family now and got a check in the mail for $250.
Well the check cashing places were already closed, so they called us up. Apparently thinking that we're their fucking personal bank account or something, asking us if we would give them the money and then they would give us the check.
Now that's not the kicker.... his excuse for needing the money right then? Oh... they needed drinks (soda) & snacks. REALLY???
So let me get this straight, you can't wait until fucking Monday to go to a bank and get it cashed b/c you need soda and fucking snacks??
They must really think we're fucking stupid b/c he thought we were going to buy it.

We told him no, and I told him to drink water.
Well later on, I see him on World of Warcraft and he tries to subtly make me feel guilty about not doing what they want by saying that his wife is now pissed at him b/c he didn't try hard enough to convince us.
Yeah I know why she's pissed. It's b/c they're fucking smokers and don't have any cigarettes left and they're cranky from withdrawl.
He then fesses up and says they haven't had cigs in 3 days, but says that's not the reason they wanted the money ASAP. BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so gawddamn sick and tired of the lies. I am so gawddamn tired of them TRYING to take advantage of us b/c DH makes a good living for us (and yet we still don't have $$, how does that happen?)
I am just so SICK of them. I am sick and fucking tired of seeing them with new shit! I mean seriously, your electricity is about to get shut off, but wait, lets go out and buy some new NAMEBRAND shoes! Or lets go out and buy those $5 pack of cigs that we smoke in the house, around our childrem. NM that they cough constantly, and always smell like cig smoke.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
I love them deeply. My brother and his family, along with just one of my cousins are the only family I'm close to. And it fucking sucks that my brother uses us.
UGH he better keep his new job. He's starting at the end of the month. It can't get here soon enough.
And they better not waste their fucking money like they always fucking do. Pfft, I just said it right there. I should know better..... they will b/c they ALWAYS do it.

7 Days past Trigger

So as you can see, the OPK has gotten extremely light. Looks like what I usually get.

HPT is still showing a faint line.

Hoping that these tests don't give me evaps so I can actually see if it's BFN or BFP later.

I hate the obsessing over the unknown maybe lines.

6 Days past Trigger

So I found more wondfo tests hiding in the bathroom closet :P Completely forgot I had ordered about 20 more last cycle.

So yay for that.

As you can see from the photo, HPT line has gotten lighter. OPK is still staying kind of dark, but it's not a + any longer.

My temp was lower this morning. BUT I think it's b/c I was kind of rushed (to use the bathroom), and didn't take it how I usually do.

Usually, I'll wake up, put the thermometer in my mouth, and drift back to sleep for about 10 mins. I do this b/c the thermometer is usually pretty cold, so I want to warm it up, and make sure my mouth goes back to it's normal temp was well.

Then I wake back up and hit the little button on the thermometer to take my temp.

Couldn't do that this morning b/c I woke up having to use the bathroom ASAP.

So yeah, HOPING that tomorrows temp is back up to where it should be.

5 days past trigger

Man, I am really not liking those hpts. There is a line still. You can barely see it in the photo.

OPK is starting to lighten up. So I guess this means the HCG is making its way out.

Also, the extremely bad bloating I've been experiencing has eased up a tremendous amount thank goodness.

Now just to hope I get my real BFP!

4 days past Trigger

BLEH. I think those early pregnancy tests are the only HPTs I have left. Damnit.

It's not that they're bad tests, but you can clearly see, they don't have maybe the same amount of dye as the other? So even though that OPK is still a blazing positive, the HPT barely has a line on it.

Makes it very difficult to know when the trigger shot is out of my system since the line on these are already so light.

3 days past Trigger

The tests are dried in the photo, but oh well.

I know what test I WON'T be using for HPTs though. Look at how light it is compared to the previous wondfo one. It's an early-pregnancy test which surprises me how light it came up.

Oh well though.

Had some major butt pains last night. I usually get it during my period, which seems to be not uncommon, but I had it happen last night and boy did it HURT LIKE HELL.

I mean I can't even really describe the pain. Like your entire rectum is experiencing a charlie horse that you can't get rid of. So yeah, not sure what brought that on, and so painfully, but oh well. I'm better today.

Temp went up again today, so I guess it's official that I ovulated. Yay :D Just not sure exactly when though. Since my temps have been so high before, not sure if yesterday's temp rise was just me, or me ovulating. I say I probably ovulated yesterday.

But meh, a couple days isn't a big deal.

Well I guess it is if I wanted to see if the B6 is helping my luteal phase. I've been taking it religiously since the start of last cycle.

HCG side effects?

Just wanted to post this really quick.
Think I'm having side effects from he HCG. Well, I don't THINK I am, I'm fairly confident I am.

I'm experiencing nausea, sore bewbies/nipples, and weird vivid dreams.
The other night, I dreamt that my SiL (brother's wife), had her kids taken away. And we went to some child protective office to get them back, but they weren't going to give her girls back to her, so we kidnapped them and were trying to get away w/ cops trying to find us.
I know that doesn't sound like a weird dream, but it was VERY vivid and seemed real.

I'm also having hot flashes, and my energy level is non-exsistant. I know that was happening bfore though, but it seems to have gotten worse.

Oh well, I'll happily go through all of this and then some to get my baby :)

2 Days past trigger

It's blurry but you still get the point heh.

The OPK was positive instantly before the dye even finished making it across the test. HPT took a little while.

My temp ent up today to 97.87. I think I O'd. Fertility Friend has me Oing 2 days ago b/c of some weird temps them, but I don't think I did, unless I had a follicle that did ovulate on its own. Who knows.

1dp Trigger

So, here's my obsessing.

Even though I know the tests are positive from the trigger shot, it's still nice to see positive tests lol.

I still think it's so weird how the trigger shot affects me, and so quickly as well.

My boobs were sore before, but now my nipples are really tender and they're getting big. Just weird seeing your body react that way.

Also, man, I am completely drained. No energy at all.

I'm not complaining at all though. Happy to get this cycle moving along :)

U/s today

So I had my ultrasound this morning.
Showed 1 18mm, and 2 between 15-16mm each.
Just got a call back, and I'll be triggering tonight! WOO!
I would've been ok waiting one more day to trigger though. But God I am so glad to get things on the road!
FINALLY I'll be in the TWW and obsessing if my hpts are getting darker, or if it's the trigger shot, etc etc lol.
Can't wait!

639!

That's gonna be my favorite number if things work out this cycle.
Had another blood test today. My estrogen came back at 639! WOOO

DH isn't gonna be able to take me on Sunday so going to have to find someone to. FX that I have some follicles mature so I can trigger already!

So it's official

My body hates me. It resists losing weight, and it resists ovulating. Oh and don't forget the thyroid being lazy and not working.
Thanks a lot of everything body!!

*grumble*

I had my ultrasound today. Lots of little follicles on both ovaries. Had 1 or 2 10mm ones on the left, but that was it.
RE gave me the option of stopping, or continuing, I said continue. I just can't justify spending all of this time, money and energy when something COULD happen since I'm on a higher dose, and I have been feeling aching.

He said after 4 more days (2 more appointments), we should see if I am going to respond or not. If not, then I'll probably be put on provera or something to get AF. Then next cycle, he'll start me on a much higher dose. About damn time!
Hopefully there won't be a next cycle though.

DH has said it, and I said it to him today, I don't care if I end up with 30 mature follicles, we're fucking going for it!

So that's at least 3 more days of stimming. I really am hoping that with the ovary aches, the sore bewbs, the sloooooow rising estrogen, that I am responding finally, but we'll see.

Worried

I just don't understand why my body doesn't want to work like it should.
So I just had blood work today.
Got a call telling me that my estrogen was only at 169. Not good!
They want me to come in tomorrow for an ultrasound.
I'm still feeling aching in my ovaries, so... who the hell knows what's going on. I just feel like curling up and crying.
I hope I'm just worrying for nothing, but with my luck, pfffft.

250 doing something

It's definitely doing something. I don't feel it right now, but I sure did last night and this morning.
I usually try to get to sleep either on my side or on my stomach. I was on my stomach last night, favoring the right side, and my right ovary was aching.
I woke up today, rolled over back on to my stomach, and it was really throbbing. Nothing awful, but very noticeable and strong.
So hopefully next time I'll have a couple of good follicles to trigger with :)
Not looking forward to having to continue the injections, but I think it's pretty apparent that I'll do anything to get my family. heh

If people only knew what we went through.

Weekend results

And they're not great.
Well, my estrogen did go up, BUT it's only at 111. So I had to go up to 250u of follistim. SIGH.
I'm just so wanting to be in the TWW already. Even if it is just one lil follicle. That's all most women need to get pregnant, so bring it on already!
This is going to be more expensive this go around which is not fun. Really sucks that any infertile couple has to shell out this much money & more to get what others can get for free. Too bad we're all not that fortunate.

Going to call the RE's office in a min, leave a message asking when my next appointment is and about getting more follistim. Sigh.... come on little follies. GROOOOOOWWWWW.

Hoping it'll go as my other injection cycle did. On cd15, my estrogen was only 108. Then 2 days later on cd17, it went up to 200something. Then 2 days later, I got to trigger.
So that's 4 more days. Still a while, but beats going at this even longer.

Weekend trip

So we're back from our short weekend trip.
It was good and bad.
I did have a good time, up until my headache got worse and my seasickness didn't go away.

We went deep sea fishing. First time I've ever went. I was excited to go b/c I love fishing and wanted to catch something.
I caught a couple of fish, nothing big enough to bring home though.
DH caught himself a shark. It was just a small one, but it was a shark nonetheless lol. We had it fileted and it gave a lot of meat. I hope it's good! First time eating shark :D

But anywho, I got sea sick. Didn't kick in right away. I felt slightly nauseous, but nothing bad, then it crept up on me.
I threw up twice. First time, I felt instantly better afterwards. 2nd time, it stayed with me. I couldn't shake it off so stopped fishing. Boo :( Probably didn't help that I had a HUGE headache & when I get headaches, I get nauseous.
I am just no good in heat. It fries my brain.

As for my injections... worried that I'm not getting the u/s tomorrow. I mean I did have one follicle growing, what if it gets too big? How will they know? Making me wait to come in again when they could've just checked it sooner. Sigh, annoying.

Oh and Dh had to tell his mom about us seeing a fert doc. We he didn't HAVE to tell her, but he didn't want to lie to her.
He tried not telling her, but I guess she persisted so he caved.
Thankfully they really didn't ask anything. Maybe b/c they weren't sure what to ask.
I know as soon as his aunt finds out the news she's going to ask an ass ton and have her own opinion on the matter that we're going to be forced to listen to... as if her opinion matters in this.

Dreams

I keep having some weird dreams. Like Inception going on or something lol.

First, I dreamt that my father and I went down to Alabama to visit my grandfather. Both of my grandparents are dead on his side, but in the dream, the grandfather wasn't.
Also in the dream, I'm young, maybe 12-13.
So we go down there, we're in the living room, and he tells me to take a photo of my cousin. So I do, and in the photo next to her coming down the hallway is my grandmother who is supposed to be dead in the dream.
I start freaking out b/c I look up and she's still there! So I rush over to her and start bawling about how she's dead, and how much I've missed her.
She tells me that she's still dead, but she came back for a short time b/c I wished it.
Fast forward, I wake up from the dream, in to another dream. And I can't wait to tell someone about it.
In this dream, we're at one of DH's family's homes, but it's one that doesn't exist IRL.
My MiL tells me that she wants to cut my hair, so we go in to a back room where she does it.
It's quick, and she does a good job. As I'm admiring the new cut in a dresser mirror, I see DH's grandfather lying in bed looking frustrated. I apologize b/c I was in his way and head out.
I go to the living room, and there his grandfather is. I start freaking b/c, who the hell was just in his bed?
Anywho, he starts talking to everyone about how excited he is about some job at a restraunt he wants. About how the manager gets angry at the mail employees for checking out the female employees when they're bowed down or something. I dunno it was weird b/c he had on a blue plaid kilt that was only about mid-thigh long. BUT he had amazing skinny woman legs.

I woke up soon after.

My dreams have just been so strange. The other night, I dreamt I was playing a real life kind of MMO. And all of the mobs and NPCs were body modifications people. Mainly the ones who pierce themselves all over and hang from hooks. But their piercings were still fresh so they were all bleeding.

I had another weird one the day before as well, but I can't remember that one.

Anywho... yeah....it's gotta be the meds making my dreams a bit more strange lol

Sunday

Sunday is my next appointment and my follistim is being bumped up to 200u.
I'm going to have to call in another refill. I already did today, but at 200, that's only 2 shots per vial and if I have to go for more than 3 days, then I'm going to need another. Good grief.

I only go in for bloodwork  on Sunday. Not sure why. I should've probably asked lol.

Oh and I forgot to mention that my RE is the one that did this ultrasound today as well. I hate it when he does it. The nurse is great when she does it. She turns off the light, and turns on one of those spotlights that OBGYNs use. Then turns that off once the dildo cam is inserted, THEN puts the paper blanket back down over my legs. Real discreet.
Lord not my RE. He leaves the overhead lights on, hikes that blanket WAY up and leaves it there. My poor coot is out for the world to see. It is not a comfortable situation to begin with and being so exposed like that in such a bright room... yeah... I dread it when he walks in to the room rofl.

2nd ultrasound

Well, good news, I don't overstimulate.
I know that's a serious problem for some women.

Bad news, I only have one little follicle growing well. Well, growing semi-well. It's just one on my left side measuring around 13mm.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I have even the one, but I certainly do wish there was at least 2 others to up our chances.

There were lots of little ones, I just hope those don't decide to keep growing like last cycle. Damn cysts.

Oh, and where are the rest of the fat women?? I swear, I'm the only bigger girl EVER in the RE's office! I know women of all sizes have fertility problems, but it would still be nice to see someone MY size in there as well. Just makes me feel self conscious. Here these skinny ladies are, and if THEY can't get pregnant, then what the hell are my chances? Ya know?

Crap

Hell, I just realized that I'm already on day 9 of injections. Geeze.
Going to have to order more follistim tomorrow I think. Def so if my ultrasound tomorrow doesn't show good growth w/ my follicles. Even still if there is though. I'm sure they'll probably bump my dose to 175 like last time.

Feeling some twinging on my right side, but nothing major.
Anxious to see what my ovaries are doing.

Also my boobs are starting to hurt and feel heavy. It's not bad enough for me to wear a sports bra all day though.

Results

Estrogen was only at 88. So my dose is being bumped up to 150u.
Didn't mention that we'll be out of town on Saturday. DH is all worried that they'll want to do something different. I'll mention it on thursday. I'm sure it's not a big deal and they have to deal with this all the time.

Semi rant

I don't understand why some women are so hell bent on doing things naturally when it's obvious they need medical help.
Well, no maybe I do understand b/c I was kind of there before.
Even though my cycles were just completely fubared, I still did everything in my power not to get chcked out. Mostly out of fear and denial.

Maybe that's the same for some women?

I dunno, I just regret SO much, waiting as long as I did before seeking help. There was SO much time & money wasted trying to medicate myself when just going to see a doc about it would've saved so much time, and hell, I could've already been pregnant and had a baby by now.

I see it all the time. On the boards I go to, on yahoo answers. So many women with irregular periods that aren't getting any better. Women that haven't had a period in half a year, etc, that still want to try vitex before seeing a doctor or any other supplement.
Sure, SOME women might get lucky and it works, but that still doesn't mean they shouldn't go see a doctor about what is still wrong.

I just want to shake these women by the shoulders and scream at them not to make te same mistake I did.
We all wish that things would happen naturally, but sometimes we just have to face the facts. Just because you need medical help doesn't mean you're any less of a woman. It doesn't mean that the little miracle that you'd get from medical help would be any less of a miracle.

Ultrasound today

So had my ultrasound done today. Not great news.
Had a lot of little follicles but nothing significant. The RE actually did the u/s this time. He looked over my chart ad based on my last injection cycle said that we may go up more this time. Meaning that when they call me later, they'll probably want me to go up to 150 or maybe even 175u o follistim.
Bring it on. I'm ready to ovulate already, and hopefully going up quicker will give me more than just one.

Hoping that my estrogen at least went up a little bit more instead of dropping.

Photos, measurements, etc

Think this is week 7. Yeah, cause last measurements were on week 5 I think then I skipped and *nod* here it is heh. Doing it early while I still remember.

Don't let the photos fool you, they make it look like I've lost more, look different. I think I'm just breathing in or something lol.

Alrighty, so measurements etc... First number will be from 2 weeks ago, 2nd is today.

Weight- 221, 220

Left Upper Arm- 15, 15

Right Upper Arm- 16, 16.5

Bust- 42, 42.25

Below Bust- 37.5, 38

Belly (above bellybutton)- 41, 41

Waist- 40.5, 40

Hips + Pooch- 47.5, 46

Right Upper Thigh- 22.25, 22.5

Left Upper Thigh- 22.5, 23.25

So as you can see, my measurements are kind of all over the place. Some stayed the same, some increased and a couple decreased. My thighs, I measured a little higher up, so that's probably why the number is higher.

And it begins.. again

So I had a lovely week off. Even though it was filled w/ my period, it was still nice to be lazy again.
I know I shouldn't feel that way, but damnit, I ENJOY being lazy. I just don't enjoy what being lazy does to my body lol.
I can't say that I'm excited to start back up again. I'm just not. But I have to do this.
There isn't going to be exercise tomorrow already I know I know.
But I'm not going to beat myself up about missing a day or so any more. I'm in this for the long haul.
It would be different if say I was doing some fad diet and trying to lose a lot of weight ASAP, but that's never gotten me success so, I need to stop thinking like that. *nodnod*