Nurse S

Finally got a call back from one of the nurses. She used to take my blood, but I guess has since moved on to a different area.
Anyway, she's really sweet and asked how I was. Basically said she didn't know how I could go through all of this and asked if I needed to talk to anyone.
It made me tear up, but what else can I do right? I'm not just going to give up and go in to some depression. I'm sad obviously and have A LOT of bitterness in me b/c of all of this, but I'm not going to give up.

Anyway.. she told me the tests the doc wants to do. I couldn't write them down quick enough, but it looks like the basica recurrent m/c tests. Anti-somethingsomething
Looks like most of them are blood clotting disorders.
Since they need to make sure my HCG is at 0, I need to call them back in 2-3 weeks to schedule when to come in to give blood.
I just hope it won't cause a delay in trying again next cycle.
I dunno... I want to know if something is wrong, but it's kinda scary too.

In lighter news

Weighed myself this morning and I'm at 189 exactly.
That's nice to see.
Once AF starts to lighten up a bit I'll exercise again. Try to get as far away from 190's as I can before Nov.

It's actually kind of surprising to see that I've lost weight since I've been on a BIG baked potato kick. I've been craving them since last week. Had it once last week and twice this week. SO YUMMY!
I wish I liked sweet potatoes without all of the other stuff on them (sugar, marshmallows). I'd get that instead.

Please don't let it be like the last one.

AF is here in full force. She arrived yesterday.

Decided to take a test today b/c I'm paranoid and there's still a line.

SO afraid it's going to be like the last chemical.
If you weren't here for that... this is what happened.

Basically the same thing happened as this time. Got a BFP, I was spotting, it turned to fresh blood. Beta came back low (just looked back at my FF chart and it also came back an 8!), was told to stop the progest.
AF came quickly and it was AF, no mistaking it.
CD 3, I tested just b/c and the test was still a positive.
I kept testing and the lines just kept getting darker and darker. I told my RE and my betas were going up as well. Not enough to be viable and was told that it was probably just left over tissue that hadn't been passed.
My beta actually got up to 60.
On I think cd10, I started to bleed again and I was getting some pretty bad sharp pains down there. It really freaked me out and I called DH at work to come home and went in to RE's office.
They did an ultrasound and everything looked normal thankfully. Just basically told to take it easy.
This was whatever tissue finally losing its hold. I don't remember passing any clots, just a little bit of blood for about 2 days.

It was AWFUL going through that and I really hope that doesn't happen this time as well. Whatever is in there.... just let it pass.
My temps are still high which has me worried that this is going to be the same. Sigh... I hope not.

Stopping the torture

Test this morning was lighter and I'm starting to wipe away a good amount of fresh blood.
AF wants to come and I'm tired of delaying it.
Let whatever is in me just pass in peace and move on to a new cycle.
It's not an easy decision but I need to make it.
DH is up for trying again in Nov.
He pointed out to me that we're not going to have any money in January either so might as well try in Nov. I didn't even think of that.. duh. We'll probably have LESS in January.
RE wants to run some more blood tests, and I would like to see what my body is going to do on its own so waiting until Nov will be best.

Oct is going to be a difficult month though. SiL will have her baby and that is going to be so difficult. My heart sinks whenever I even think about it.

Anyway... Thank you everyone for the support.
I honestly don't know what I would do without the support of my online buddies.

Meh

My pee is so weird.
Just took a wondfo and the line on it is pretty visible.

Not in the photo obviously lol, but it's easy to see IRL.

Forgot to mention that I haven't had any spotting today. At least nothing that I've noticed.
I do still have some blood up there. It's mostly old looking, maybe some that looks like it was fresh.
Nothing has made its way out though. This makes me think even more than a progest problem could be the reason for all of this heart ache.
Hopefully whenever we do try again the RE will allow me to go on a higher dose. I'll have to discuss that with him.

Beta, progest and all that jazz

Sorry sorry, totally forgot to update my blog once I got the call back.

RE called me at about 11am this morning with my results.
Beta only came in at an 8 and progest was an 8 as well.
Obviously that's very very low.
He didn't sound very hopeful and quite frankly, I'm not.
He said that I could double up my dose of the progesterone if I wanted, which I started yesterday so at least there's that.
BUT I know this cycle is another failure, and he won't let us try again immediately. So this is most likely the last medicated ttc cycle this year which really sucks.
I go back in on Monday for another beta. I don't think I'll need it.

I'm just kind of numb right now. I know it will hit me though.. just waiting for it.

I'll have to talk to DH and get a solid answer on what he would like to do. If he's ok with us trying again in Nov, then yay, but I think he really wants to wait. Of course it will be up to both of us but I don't want him to do it just b/c I want to, ya know?

Not good

As you can see, the test is much much lighter than what it was before.
I think AF would be making a show today if I wasn't on progest.
I'm still going in for the blood work, but I'm not expecting good news at all.
I already called them up just in case I'm not able to talk to anyone when I'm there.
I'm asking if we can start again immediately (if I don't have any cysts).
To be put on a much higher dose of progest and to have that monitored.
We'll see if they're up for it. If not, well, looks like this could be our last medicated cycle this year.
DH did say we could try again in Nov, but then he realized how close to Xmas that is. It pains me to say this but I think if we're forced to take a break this time, then it's going to be until next year.

More tests

Yes, I'm obsessing.
Who wouldn't if they were in my shoes....

Took a wondfo hpt and opk.
OPK is kinda dark. Kinda close to being a + and another shadowy line appeared on the HPT. Gives me back a little bit of hope that maybe my urine earlier wasn't all that great, but who knows.

Lighting was bad when I took the photos so I had to increase contrast.
I think the photo of the hpt really captures what it means when these things have a "shadow" line.

Took a 3rd sup just a little while ago.
Getting kind of crampy right now. Or feel like I'm going to.
Still spotting though and it has turned back to a peachy color.

Update so far

I don't think this LO is going to make it. Actually probably already gone.
Tested at 4pm. Really good hold w/ nothing to drink for a couple of hours.
Test is even lighter than it was before.
Looking at all of the tests, there's an obvious backwards progression.
It's not looking good.
Top test is the 10dpo one, and the other 3 are today's tests. Morning, 1pm, 4pm.

I have to prepare myself for the worst. If it doesn't happen, GREAT! If it does though, I need to be ready for it as best as I can be.

Thinking maybe it's a problem with my corpus luteum cyst stopping the progesterone too soon or something? Maybe that was the aching I felt on my right O and then suddenly one day it stopped.
I dunno.. just throwing that out there.

I need more information!!

I really feel like I'm spotting and maybe even lost the other pregnancies b/c of low progesterone.
Don't ask me why, but I never thought to look at what dose of progest sups I was on.
They're only 50mg doses.
I've read of some PCOSers on upwards of 100-200mg doses 2+ times a day!!!
Is this why I've m/c so many times?
It really feels like I'm on to something here.
I've decided to take the suppositories that I have 4x a day and I will be asking to increase my dose tomorrow if I'm still getting a line on my HPTs then.
That may not be the case though.
Afternoon test is a little lighter.
Could be b/c I didn't get in a good enough hold, but it's discouraging, especially since the wondfo just a couple hours ago had a line on it.

I'm not giving up yet. I just hope I acted soon enough to prevent another chemical from occuring IF progesterone is the problem.

Spotting

Yep...
Wiped away some discoloration early this morning.
I woke up at 2am and couldn't get back to sleep.
Finally got up at about 3:30. Was using the bathroom about every hour b/c that's all I could think about.
After a few bathroom trips, wiped away blood. It was only just a slight tint on the tp, but it was there.
Checked up the vag and a tiny amount there.
Just checked again and yep... still blood up there.
Sigh... it's not looking good IMO.
No matter how many things I read that says spotting can be normal... this has always ended in a m/c for myself.

Decided that I was going to start taking 3 progest sups a day. Give me at least a little peace of mind.
Took a FRER this morning. I went back to sleep after fixing breakfast. Managed to sleep 2 more hours and then took the test.

It's about as dark as the one from yesterday.
Really hoping the one this afternoon is considerably darker. I know it's not wise to compare day to day, but I have to.

No temp today for reasons explained above. I just couldn't stay asleep long enough to get a reliable temp.

Just got back from buying more tests. I really wasn't going to but w/ the spotting, I'm going to be obsessing big time.
I said I would never do it, but I bought some anyway.
I bought 2 boxes of Answers and another box of FRER.
So yeah, that's plenty of tests.
No digi tests.... Didn't want to spend the money on them :\

Just took a wondfo and it's actually showing a line finally. It's still really faint but it's there.

Kinda comforting to finally have something show up on the tests.

Hmmm what else.... my boobs aren't as sore as before. That's not good.
It started last night, but I started getting really bad hot flashes. Still getting them today as well and dull headaches. Def some kind of hormonal thing going on. HOPEFULLY something good but yeah, we'll see.
Also my right ovary has been having some sharpish cramps and aches. Only started this morning.

I dunno what to think. I mean I'm obviously hoping for this to stick, but in my experience... this is not a good sign of things to come.

Thanks everyone!

About to head to bed.
Just wanted to say thank you SO much to everyone. You just don't know how much I appreciate and need support right now from whoever I can get it from lol. I don't have that in my RL right now.. well other than DH heh.

I'm getting a little more hopeful, but that fear is always going to be there though. These next few days are going to be so stressful.

I'm feeling VERY wet down there which has me so nervous. Think at any moment I'm going to go to the bathroom and wipe away blood.

Wish I had some other kind of symptom. That would be nice to at least feel like things are progressing, ya know? I know it's still super early though.
I'll be calling RE on Wed. Early wed, and will probably go pick up more tests afterward. Digi along with some regular frer.

Change that..... 10dpo and... BFP?!!

So like the addict I am, I kept taking more wondfos since this morning. Think I took 2 or 3 more with nothing more than an hours hold pp.
I finally pushed myself away from the computer and went and watched some Netflix to keep my mind off of things.
About 3hrs later... it's finally time to test again.

I use a wondfo at first and NADA..... although the photo kinda makrs it look like there could be something...

About 3mins after, decided WTH, I'm gonna take a FRER too.
I opened up the fresh new box of 3c FRER and ripped open one of the tests.
Dipped it in the same urine, and started to bawl my eyes out as soon as the dye started to go across the window.
I didn't stop either.
2-3min, and a faint line starts to show. I was afraid it was an awful indent at first, but I've seen those before and this was not an indent.
Took photos at the 6 and 10min marks. I also tweaked them just to show the line a little better.
3rd photo is after the time limit but untweaked. The line hasn't gotten any darker though so it's accurate to what it looked like in the time limit

I'm REALLY scared right now. I keep staring at the test, waiting for the line to fade away.
I'm so afraid this is going to end just like the others did.
My RE's nurse told me not to test until the 28th, but yeah, that wasn't going to happen.
I'm going to call tomorrow. Hopefully get in early so I can get the beta results the same day.
I know the number is probably going to be low, but I'm prepared for it... sorta.

Just feel like I want to puke.

Don't think I'm having any more symptoms. Well, my bacon I had for lunch was almost unbearably salty. I usually love salty food, but I almost couldn't eat this. Not sure if it was just the bacon or maybe my tastebuds.

Even though my right O isn't aching any longer, my right hip is starting to hurt some. BUT that could just be from me sitting so much at my desk working on the halloween stuff.

So yeah.... that's it for now. No more tests unless they're wondfos.
I have 2frer and 1 equate left and I need to save those for just once a day. We're tight on money this week so I can't go out and buy anymore right now.
Sigh....... Please little bean... stick

10dpo

Still BFN. BOOOOOOOO :(
I haven't lost all hope yet, but it sure is discouraging.
My test this morning had something on it but I think it's just what I've gotten before with these. That non-BFP shadowy line.
I tweaked a photo of it. Really upped the contrast to try to get it to show.

It is SUPER tweaked though so not reliable at all IMO. So no one get excited by it!!

Symptoms are about the same.
Temp was the same this morning at 98.6.
Boobs are still sore.
Not sleeping well b/c my mind races.
No more of that possible uterine cramping/pulling.

Only thing that is different is that I think whatever was on my right ovary is now gone. I could sleep on that side last night without it aching or throbbing at all.
Makes me wonder if we should try at least one more time if nada this cycle.
I dunno... I'm so torn between doing what I think is right, and wanting a baby lol.

9dpo, 11dpt

So... yeah..... I'm in full on obsess mode right now. Feeling so anxious and scared and hopeful all combined in to one big crazy lump in my stomach.

Trigger shot finally wasn't showing on HPTs yesterday. Total BFNs, no shadow line at all.
BFN this morning as well.
I took a wondfo and a FRER. Figured WTH.

Last night when I got up to go to bed, I felt an achy pulling feeling in my uterus.
Felt it when I laid down along with lower back aching.
Still had it occur this morning as well. Nothing now though.
Was thinking maybe it was bowel, but usually if I'm feeling my bowel, I'll have to poop not too long after, and nada so far.
So yeah, pretty confident that it was my uterus.

Boobs are still sore, but not sure if they're as sore as they were which sucks. Obviously hoping for increased symptoms here!

Temp went up some this morning as well. That gave me a lot of hope when I saw it. Specially w/ the pulling sensation... really got my anxiety up there and I didn't sleep well for the rest of the night.

Just feeling so... I dunno.. crazy. I want this SO bad. I think if it doesn't happen this month then we're going to take another break until the beginning of next year. We'd probably have to wait until Nov anyway b/c I'm pretty sure it's a cyst causing the aches on my right O.
DH is leaving it up to me, and with our $$ right now and how much we owe on the credit card we use for the meds... I think waiting would be best. Oh I won't like it, but it would be the mature thing to do. Plus it would give me time to lose some more weight and hey, ya never know, maybe my body would work again.
So yeah... everything crossed that this is it. If not, then I gotta kick my ass and lose some more weight.

9dpt

7dpo, 9dpt.... 1 giant headaching coming.

HPT is still surprisingly showing a line. It's super faint... basically a shadow, but a poas veteran would see it.
So I was wrong once again. It's not a complete BFN today.
Guess I can start hoping that the line gets darker now though heh.
Here is today's test.

Symptoms... hmmm.... I started to feel really wet down there last night and it continues today as well.
That's usually something I get before AF arrives, so that has me a little worried.

Really nothing other than that. Boobs are still sore.
Don't have insomnia any longer. Actually slept really well last night and the night before.
My internal clock will usually wake me up about 10-20min before I have to to cook breakfast, but not today!
Totally not complaining about that. It's refreshing to actually get a good night's rest.

Oh also, today's temp was a bit lower at 97.98. The few times I have tmped this cycle haven't been very high though so *shrugs* I gues I can hope for it to be from implantation.

Someone just shoot me

So, whnever I'm in the TWW, I enjoy looking up symptoms by dpo. The site that comes up the most is twoweekwait.com. Women submit their pregnancy symptoms blahblahblah.
It's really fascinating and I love reading them, but could they please for the love of everything NOT declare that they got pregnant after 2 or 3 or hell, even 5 LONG months of TTC!!!!
I know they don't mean it this way, but to someone like myself.. it just screams... "HAHAHAHA I'm fertile!!!!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEE. My body is so AWESOME!!!"

Just list your damn symptoms and go brag to someone else!

EDIT: UGH it gets worse the further along you read.
Seriously, one of the entries, the woman says that she got pregnant the following cycle after going off BCP for her first 2. And her 2nd one took a whole TWO cycles to conceive. Oh STFU!!!
Seriously... almost all of them are fertile heffers who think that TTC for 5 months is LONG.
Good lord.... seriously, someone just come over here and bash my head into a wall.

8dpt...

This tww is going by sooooooooo slooooooow!!
My distractions aren't keeping me busy like I want them and all I can think about are the what ifs and it's making time crawl. BLEH!

Anywho... here is my progression so far.
I think today's test is finally a negative. There could be an ever so faint shadow line there, but it might as well be a negative.

New day, new bitch

So..... anyone else get tired of reading messages and seeing a (TMI) after it?
So first off.... shouldn't you be putting the TMI warning BEFORE you actually say whatever you think is TMI? Posting a TMI after the fact defeats the purpose.
Example:

DH and I are continuing to BD like crazy haha, TMI.

Really?? Does that make absolutely any sense to put it AFTER?

And really, in the TTC community, is anything TMI any longer? I could read about how much someone is peeing, bleeding, having sex, sticking their fingers up their hoohas to check CM or CP and not even think twice about it.

I dunno.... just feel like TMI is used a bit too often sometimes when it doesn't need to be.

Bitch of the Day #2

Well, it's a new day and the first one but whatever!

I know a lot of you ladies out there probably go to different forums and whatnot.

I am so sick and tired of seeing people getting all butthurt when their posts don't get any responses. Or only views but no responses.
They'll come back all emo and declare how no one cares about them and they're never posting again, and blahblahblah boo-fucking-hoo. Or they'll make some snotty remark about people looking but not responding... something like "Oh so 50something views but no one bothered to reply. I see how it is." Just shut up.

Seriously people??
And this is coming from someone that takes almost EVERYTHING personally! lol
I've had plenty of my own threads get totally ignored, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
It does suck when you don't get any responses, but don't take that shit personally. People aren't intentionally ignoring your posts! Maybe you just posted on a quiet day, or posted in a section that doesn't get much traffic.

7 days past trigger

Today's test is actually a little darker than the one from yesterday. NOT saying that is anything to get excited about though considering I'm only 5dpo.

Must've just been a better urine sample.

Right side is still aching and it moved to my lower back earlier. It's not so bad.

Just sorta.... meh... not really doing anything. Waiting sucks.

Bitch of the Day

Haven't had one in a while so here goes.

I guess I'm just being extra pissy right now but oh well!

Does anyone else get a bit irked about women trying to have a specific gender when it comes to getting pregnant?
I guess it is just my infertile jealousy and bitchiness coming through, but it just upsets me and pisses me off quite frankly to see women trying to BD at certain times to try to get a girl or a boy.
If only we all could have that fucking luxury.

I guess I'm not even really mad at them wanting a specific gender... it's just the fact that their cycles are so precise and regular, they can actually time when to have sex in hopes of getting pregnant w/ either or. Ya know?

Sigh......
This TWW needs to hurry up already. Feels like I'm further along than I actually am!

Happy Birthday to me

Meh. Like any other day except I get to be extra lazy lol.
I'm easy.... don't want anything other than to get my rings resized, but that can wait. I mean there are a few things I would like other than a cake and dinner, but I'm good. We don't have a ton of money right now so I'll be perfectly happy with those 2 things :)

Cold is still going going, almost gone. Still slightly stuffy and have a slight tickle in my throat that causes me to cough every once in a while, but that's about it.

Boobs are still sore as hell though. They were AWFUL last night.
For some reason, I was waking up every single hour last night. First couple of hours I had to use the bathroom and that was hell on my boobs. I'm going to sleep with a bra on until they feel better. Hopefully they just keep getting sorer though b/c of a bean in there :D I'll gladly suffer through it if it means I'm pregnant :)

Even though I was waking up so much, I did sleep well. I had a weird ass dream this morning. It was a combo of Lost and True Blood.
A few of the dead characters from Lost were ressurected to help the vamps from True Blood.
Some cult figured out a way to get rid of their smell that attracted the vamps to them. Some kind of smell that made the vamps want to do them harm. Without the smell, they were basically invisible to the vamps, BUT if they're touched by someone that wasn't de-smelled, then they couldn't get the scent off again and were shot.
It was just a weird dream lol.

Oh here are my HPTs these last 6 days. As you can see, the last test almost has no line on it. It's barely there. Think it will be gone tomorrow or Thursday.

I'm only 4dpo today so still plenty of time for that line to come back :)

Just waiting

I'm 3dpo today. Fairly certain it's 3, could be 4.
And I'm 5 days past trigger shot.

Can't say much is going on other than the trigger is treating me different this time.
No sore nipples, but my boobs are VERY sore to the touch. Nipples are larger, but the color remains the same.
I'm also not getting the vivid dreams I usually get which kinda sucks heh.

It's all good though... trigger shot can do whatever the hell it wants so long as I get a baby!

I do have a minor cold. It's not bad or anything. Just stuffy and have that kinda foggy brained feeling. This is the first time I've gotten a cold in YEARS. That's crazy. I can't remember the last time I have gotten a cold. Not bragging or anything, just amazed that I haven't gotten sick in so long, especially w/ DH working in a hospital and bringing home gawd knows what. HE has gotten colds and such, and I don't shy away from kissing him... *shrugs*
Oh well.

Birthday is tomorrow. I turn 32.... uuuuuuuugh. Not that that is particularly old or anything... it just sucks that it's another birthday not pregnant and w/ no baby.
Oh well, I'll drown my sorrows in cake. heh
I'll take a late birthday BFP though :D

And now for something completely different..... and OT

Decided to post what I've done for our Halloween costumes so far. It's nothing much or too impressive..... YET heh.
Hoping it all comes out looking better than what I've done so far :P I really need to get these horns done already so I can start working on the prostethics for our faces. I know I'll need a lot of experimenting to get it right.

Anywho, here is what I've done so far and the errors I've made.

First up... DH's horn. He's going to have 2, but it's just easier doing 1 and copying it.
This is the first one I did. It's made from air drying clay... nothing fancy. I'm planning on making a plaster mold from it so I can make the latex horn have all of the smaller details in the horn....

and THAT is where the problem lies. I have to halve the sculpture and then cast each half. I didn't do that the first time. I tried some thing that didn't work and wasted a lot of material. No photo of that b/c I threw it out lol.

2nd time, I did half the clay, BUT I still used an aluminum foil armature for the center of the horn which was a big mistake. Some of the clay was too thin and fragile, and then the clay didn't want to seperate properly.

So what you have is.... a broken horn... bleh.... this was my 2nd attempt.

I could try gluing it back together, but meh, I'd rather just make a new horn.

I did do a smaller less detailed horn that I could just put the latex right on. The first one is SO ugly (right). Really bumpy and gross looking lol. 2nd one is a bit better (left).

Don't think I'll use this anyway. It's a bit larger than I anticipated on my face.

I was working on DH's nails today. Need to find a black nail polish so I can paint them or just some color, not sure what yet. He's gonna look so sexy with them on! heh
I just bought one of those 100 count pack of fake nails. Think it cost not even $5 at walmart.
Made DH fit his nails, then glued 2 of the same sizes together. Cut them to a point and then filed them down.
Holding the thumb nail up on my finger so you can see how long it will be. Not too long but still cool looking :D

And yep, that's it so far. I finally have an idea for my own costume. Been watching makeup tutorials on youtube and I really like the broken doll look w/ the big eyes w/ giant eyelashes. I already have the eyelashes so just needed the rest of the idea heh.
I'll be some hellish demon doll thing. It looks scary in my head. Hopefully I'll be able to do it :D



Maybe this morning?

I think I could be ovulating this morning. MAYBE late last night, not sure.
Even though I may only have 1 egg, I'm still remaining hopeful. Of course I'd be MORE hopeful if I had had more, but ya gotta work with what you're given.
I can't complain too much, one is better than nothing.

I started taking HPTs yesterday to test out the trigger. I've been using morning urine. It's not FMU though. I get up WAY too much during the night and in the morning so the pee is very diluted.
I think I'm just going to start using afternoon urine from now on. I seem to hold my liquids a bit better later in the day lol.
The tests are pretty light.... I think once I start testing w/ afternoon pp, they'll be a little darker.
Top test is yesterday, bottom is today which is 2dpt.

We've been getting in some really great BDing. I've had some EWCM. The HCG trigger shot def triggered the EWCM to kick in. I used some preseed last night though just in case. I think it's starting to dry up so wanted to be sure those swimmers had enough to swim in :P heh
We'll continue to BD for a couple of more days.

Bad and good

First off.... I never want another 8:45 appointment ever again! Morning traffic frickin SUCKS!!
Anywho....

So good news and bad news this morning.
Good news is that I got the trigger shot so don't have to worry about spending more money on another vial of follistim.
Bad news is that it only looks like I have 1 mature follicle. Booooooooooooooooooooo
There could be 1 or 2 more that were measuring at around 14-15, but who knows if they'll catch up enough to release a mature egg.
I'm just so frustrated, sick and tired of my body.
Someone please explain to me how I responded WORSE to a higher dose when I had 5+ follicles before. PLEASE share that nugget of information b/c if I could, and if I still didn't need it... I would punch myself in the ladybits. I'm just so fed up with my stupid body.

I know it only takes one, but we've never been successful with just one. Hell, we're BARELY successful when we have more than that.

Big black mystery blob

Sounds like a cheesy early horror movie heh.

It was still there unfortunatly. BUT thankfully the RE didn't think it was on my ovary so said it was ok to continue on with this cycle. YAY!
They're going to keep an eye on it though. They're not sure what it is other than just fluid by the ovary. Not sure WHY it's there which is a little worrying.
I go back in on Wed for another u/s and bloodwork.
He didn't measure my follicles today, but from what I could tell, the ones on the right were catching up.
Hopefully they catch up enough so I can trigger on Wed. If I have to continue to stim, then we'll have to buy another vial of follistim. BLEH.

Alrighty.... stupid body

So had my first ultrasound today and yeah.....
Slightly good news.
Ultrasound showed that I have about 3 potentials. Largest one is on the left ovary surprisingly and measuring around 14mm.
The other 1 or 2 were on the right measuring between 11-13mm.
there were a lot more smaller ones on the right, 10mm or below.
My lining also measured at over 12mm which she said looked good.

Now that possibly bad news.
On the left side, left of the ovary, there looked to be a GIANT cyst. She wasn't sure what it was exactly, but it did look like something huge was over there. That was pretty surprising considering that I haven't been feeling much.

Got a call back and I have to go back in tomorrow so the RE can check me out.
My E2 came back at 240, which IMO isn't all that great. Means I most likely will only have 1 maybe 2 by the time of trigger which I think will be Tuesday if we're allowed to continue. I do get to do my shot today so FX that the RE tells us that it's ok to keep going if it is a giant freak cyst in there.

Meh.... a little better I guess.

E2 came back at 162 today. Not bad, but still not great.
I think it means that I'm only producing a couple of follicles. Anything is better than none, but I want more than 1.
I stay on the same dose and go back in Sunday for bloodwork and an ultrasound.
Actually looking forward to the ultrasound. After not knowing what the hell my body is doing during our extended break, it will be nice to actually get to see what my body is doing. Yes it's at the expense of my dignity having to spread im, but whatever! Not like they haven't seen it before.......... boy that sounded so wrong lol.

OUCH

Hit a bad spot with my follistim shot today. Hurt like crud and bled a little.
Didn't get the full 200 out of the 900 vial. Boooooooo
Was hoping I'd get at least one more, but nope. Had to open up one of the 300u.
FX that my E2 tomorrow will be MUCH higher. My 2nd E2 from the last inject cycle was 452!
I'll probably be lucky to be over 100. I dunno what the hell is going on with my body but I wish it would just stop being a fussy bitch and get with the program!

I've been a bad blogger buddy. I haven't been to hardly any other blogs that I normally visit. I apologize to you lovely ladies out there!! I hope you're doing well and will visit and leave comments soon. Just being selfish right now and wrapped up in my own drama.

Hmm what else.
Oh OT...
I started to create the horns for our halloween costumes. First one I made, I didn't do the casting correctly so it got stuck and I had to toss it. Booo
Hopefully this one will actually work. I can't wait to start using the latex to see how that turns out.
Still debating what I'm going to be. Some kind of horned pixie thing? I dunno. Still have what... about 2 months to figure it out heh.
I'll post some photos later of what I'm doing.

Damn body!!!

I do not understand how I could be responding worse than before?? I don't get it!
I was fatter before, and now, well.. I'm not AS fat yet I'm responding worse.
My E2 today only came back at 70. BLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEH
I'd beat myself up if I could. Well, I could, but I won't :P lol

And here I was scared that I'd overstim or something. Poor stupid naive me I guess. SIGH.

RE upped my follistim dose to 200u now. O_O
I better respond to that shit and quickly! I probably have 2 shots left in the 900 vial (maybe less than that), and I have 3 300u vials. I do NOT want to have to order more!
Booooooooooo body, boooooooooooo.

Rambling about this and that.

First off.... AF is GONE GONE GONE!!!
It's a frickin miracle! It wasn't as heavy AND it's gone 2 days earlier than usual? AWESOME!
I don't know why and I don't care (so long as it's not anything bad lol).... it sucks having a 7 day long AF!

We went over to inlaws land yesterday to eat. Thank goodness SiL didn't come. MiL was sick of her anyway and told everyone to be glad that she didn't show up lol. Love it.

Also got to see the baby bunnies while we were there! Dawwwwww SOOOOOO adorable! They're SO tiny. They seriously fit in to the palm of your hand and they're so soft! SQUEEEE

What else.... uh... go in tomorrow for first blood draw. Anxious to know what my estrogen is at. Haven't really felt anything going on in the ladybits so it has me worried. Hopefully my number comes back ok. Even if it doesn't, I know they'll just continue me on the 175 anyway.

My left ear has been clogged up for some reason. Started to get really noticeable yesterday and it's driving me crazy. Not sure what's wrong. Hope it's just wax buildup or something and not an infection. I already put some drying stuff in there and that didn't do anything. Will try peroxide tomorrow.

Now.. I'm no prude, but why on earth do mothers feel the need to post photos of their baby breastfeeding?? I'm sorry, but that is NOT something I want to see!! Oh it's natural, and blahblahblah, well good for you! Now put the titty away and just take a photo of the baby without your huge ass nipples in the photo as well! Geezus.....

Boring, stupid, Now gimme free stuff!

The baby shower yesterday was SOOOOO damn boring!
I just don't understand the point of them at all other than to get free stuff.
I mean really, that's all it is, so lets cut the crap. Stop wasting everyone's time and just get them to mail you the free shit.
No one gives a flying crap to watch you open up every single present and watch you pretend to love everything.

And don't even get me started on the stupid ass games they TRIED to play that no one gave a crap about.

I can see maybe a 20something w/ young 20something friends getting all giggly and excited for someone's first baby. But when you're 30 and the majority of your guests are elderly...... just cut the crap already. Everyone is eyeballing the food and wondering how long they have to stay. That's it.

So yeah.... if you couldn't tell, I do NOT want a baby shower. I know DH is going to force it on to me, but I do NOT want any of the stupid games to be played. Just serve food, gimme my free crap, and you can leave whenever you want. Please do not feel obligated to stay. Just means more food for me and less people I have to pretend to want to talk to.

Sigh... hopefully I'll be able to party poop soon..... as in next summer. Going by first day of this cycle, my baby's DD would be at the beginning of June.
That could be fun having a summer birthday :)

Going to get really strict w/ my diet. Oh don't get me wrong, I still plan on having some cheats, but not as many. This weekend was AWFUL for food. Any time other family is involved= diet disaster.
I know I'm gaining some weight back as well. Just need to get things moving in the right direction again. Also need to exercise. BLEH. That's going to be difficult to do since I'm going to have to start going in every other day. Hopefully I won't have to stim for too long.

Speaking of stimming. I actually did my own shots yesterday. I know that's not a big deal, but it is for me. It just freaks me out for some reason having to give myself shots. I'm not even afraid of needles, but the thought of having to do it gives me the willies. lol.

And yeah, think that's about it? Not sure I feel much going on down below just yet. It's still early so there's plenty of time for that.

Babyshower.... BLEH

About to get ready to go pick up SiL for bitchfaces babyshower.
SO glad I have to pick them up b/c it means I get to use them as an excuse to leave early. WOO

The stroller that SiL wanted is such a piece of crap. They better not give that thing to us. Hopefully they'll be stuck with it b/c their LO is still young and needs it.
Seriously, that thing is awful, but whatever, they wanted it, that's what they're stuck with b/c we lost the reciept :P lol

There better be some good food. I'll pig out on cake.
I shouldn't b/c I'm gaining some weight back, but if I have to suffer through it, then I'm suffering through it with some damn cake in my belly!

AF has been a lot lighter this time. Not nearly as heavy as it usually is.
For instance, the first couple of days is awful. Heavy heavy heavy and it's worse at night. I usually have to get up once during the night to change my pad, and then in the morning will have to change it again b/c it's full.
This time however, only just a small spot on the pad and that's it.
I am totally not complaining though. It's nice not having to worry about leaking all over the place.

Yesterday was the first injections. Follistim one was fine, microdose HCG hurt like hell though. Not the actual med but the needle. Just hit the wrong spot or something, I dunno.
I'll endure it though. Just gimme my baby!!

Whoops

Could've swore I updated yesterday. Oopsy.

So Yesterday, I called up the nurse and told them that AF hadn't started. They called back, told me to wait until Tuesday, if nothing by then call again.
Few hours later after I get done vaccuuming the house, I go to the bathroom, and whatdoyaknow... there's blood on the tp!! WOOOOO!
It stayed light after that, but it was def AF starting, FINALLY. It picked up while I was sleeping.
Left a message this morning to schedule my baseline.
Nope, I don't have to go in b/c I didn't do meds recently so no need to check anything. WOOO! No dildocam! YAY!
And since AF did start late yesterday basically, they're counting it as cd1 and I start injections tomorrow! *happy dance*
SO frickin ready to get this going!!