Friday, August 5, 2011

Feeling really shitty right now

Damnit, where's that high you get after exercising?
I'm just feeling so shitty right now.
On he lists primal success stories on Fridays. And guess what today's story mentioned.
A woman that was a little overweight. Got pregnant 4 months after trying.
Everything was fine.
2nd pregnancy took a bit longer and she had 2 m/c before another finally stuck.
She adopted a primal lifestyle before trying for the third, and voila! Got pregnant with a sticky one on the first try and is due in Dec.

Just like a gawd damn kick in the face.
It sucks that she had to go through miscarriages.... but damn I wish it were that easy for all of us.
I mean really? First try and then BAM pregnant?

Yes, I'm still fat, but come on!! I'm not nearly as big as some of the women out there getting pregnant! Why the hell do I still not have a baby yet?

Doesn't help that today is Friday and we all know what that means.
I've been lucky this past month and not having to see HER, but I know we'll be going out tonight w/ the inlaws.

I'm so happy for DH's mother and father for getting their grandbaby, but man, it hurts so much knowing that it could've been 2. I don't want to see her. NM that she's just a huge bitch.... I just can't stand looking at her and seeing what I could've been going through as well.

I hate this so much.
Going to sound cheesy, but my soul hurts so much from this struggle. I know everyone says it's a strength to continue on like so many of us do, but it doesn't feel like it. Every bfn, every m/c just tears a part of you away. Every cycle where you have to sit back and see everyone else get pregnant, while you may be happy for them... a little piece of yourself dies.


Sarra said...

Lisa, I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I hate those stories that make it seem SO easy once you make some simple lifestyle changes. I just bought this book called "The Low GI Guide To Living Well With PCOS" and I'm only on page 25 and already there have been 2 'testimonials' about women who adopted a low glycemic index diet and got pregnant in two months. Seriously? Lots of us PCOS'ers have been trying to eat healthy and low glycemic for a long time and still aren't pregnant. There is no miracle cure for infertility, and I'm tired of some books and websites making it seem like if you'd make this one little change, you'd be pregnant in a month.

On the other hand, you have to know you're not alone. I understand your struggle and will be here to listen when you post. Someday when you're holding your sweet baby in your arms, you'll be such a good mother and you'll never take a single moment for granted. It WILL happen. Hang in there.

Lisa Marie said...

I totally understand how you feel. I have a SIL that I feel the same exact way about. First time I felt in my heart I was preg it turned out she was & she had been with the guy A MONTH! The first month we were officially TTC, guess who got #2. A year later, hubby home on R&R, guess who #3 & she stole the name we'd been planning for 3 years to name our first. F*ing B! I still can't stand to be around her & it does hurt to be around her 5, 2, & 1 yr old. Top it off, she's a bad mom & takes them for granted MEGA! ARGH!

I know you're going to kick butt losing weight & you're going to get your BFP! FX & BOL!!!!