11dpo

So lets start off with FMU tests.
Oh before that, I could NOT sleep last night. I went to bed a little after 10, fell asleep a little after 11, woke up at 12:30. UGH.
I tossed and turned until about 2:40 and finally decided to get up.
Stayed up for a little while and laid on the couch. Finally got to sleep, but woke up an hour later. I took my temp which was 98.11 I think, but pfft, like that's accurate so I'm not going to record it.
Fell back to sleep and slept for another 1.5hrs.

I am running on nerves here. I could not shut my brain off last night and it kept me up.
I kept thinking about today's tests, kept fantasizing about being pregnant, having a baby, what the baby would look like, etc. I love fantasizing about it, but not when I'm trying to get to sleep! lol

Anywho, when I finally got up at 6:30, I took a test. Technically it's 3MU since I used the bathroom a couple of times when I got up earlier, but I usually do during nights when I sleep well anyway so I just count it when I do finally get up (to fix dh breakfast), as FMU. Hope that made sense.

Anyway, here are the tests.

And a comparison of the last 3 fmu tests

So, fastforward to about 9:30. I still haven't gotten back to bed, and I only managed a 1.5hr hold. I took more tests with my 3MU and got mixed results.

The wondfo HPT was just not having any of it. The OPK still looked nice, but the HPT barely had a line on it. I thought it was b/c my urine was too dilluted and kicked myself for not being able to hold my pee for longer.

I said screw it and used a FRER anyway (I waited to see what the wondfos would show before using the FRER)....
The line came up right away, but at first looked just like the previous days tests. I admit I got a little disheartened, but told myself that my hcg is probably still pretty low.
Well, still within the time limit, the test got gradually darker.. and well.. here it is along with the comparison.

I am just.... I dunno... scared.

I'm excited, but I'm so scared to get my hopes up.
I've never had a progression like that before when things were still viable, but it's still so early and so uncertain.
Sure things look good now but what if they don't soon. What if I start to spot...
I hate that infertility and the previous losses has made me so paranoid and has taken away a lot of the joy from this.

Hopefully my tests will continue to get darker and my next betas will show numbers that are going up as they should.

I'm really not all doom and gloom here, like I said, just terrified to get my hopes up right now.