I caved and took an hpt......and opk. SIGH.
I totally torture myself and I can't help it!
Think it's b/c I'm just so afraid that I'm never going to experience motherhood.
Sure we could adopt, MAYBE.... but I still don't even know if that's something I'd want. I'm not a person that enjoys children. I know that's awful to say, but it's true.
Most of the time, I don't like other people's children. they're annoying, and loud, and damnit NO they're not all cute!
Doesn't mean I don't want my own kids though. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love my own children.
BUT this dislike of other people's children makes me wonder if I would/could ever love an adopted child as I would a bio-child. Ya know? Right now, I'm still hoping we'll have a little me and a little DH running around being loud and annoying to everyone else lol. Maybe if we've exhausted all of our options and adoption is our last hope, then my opinion/fears about it would change. Until then though.....
But yeah, the fear has definitely taken hold of my heart & thoughts at the moment. I'm going to try to distract myself by working on the nursery mural some more.
I know that's not really a great idea... working on the NURSERY lol, but it's something to keep me busy. I'll start posting photos of what I've done so far soon. Maybe tomorrow depending on what I've done tonight.
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