Monday, July 4, 2011

Cat out of the bag

Forgot to mention that I've told a few people about our chemical pregnancies.

We were over at DH's family's land. He had to get the beach house key from his mom, and wanted me to go over to his uncle's house to get some eggs.
So I go over there, and they start talking to me about their fertility struggles and how they've basically just given up.
Well she (the uncle's wife), starts talking about how she's actually gotten a positive test result before, but blood tests came back inconclusive (which probably means she had a chemical pregnancy).
They didn't seem to think it was that though and thought the positive result was b/c of her PCOS.
Well, they asked me point blank if I had ever gotten a positive result b/c they know I have PCOS as well, and yeah, I just completely broke down, started to cry and told them.
Don't know if they'll tell anyone else, and honestly, I don't care if they do... not anymore.

I also told my SiL (brother's wife). I was taking her and her girls home from our house on one of the days we were back for a little while. We got on about preggo SiL and I started ranting about how much of a bitch she's been and finally just told her. AND of course, I broke down in the car, while driving lol.

So yeah, there it is.
I haven't told DH that I told anyone, but meh... whatever.

I'm just so tired of all of this right now. There's just so much despair whenever I think about this. I seriously can not think about it without wanting to burst in to tears and coming close to doing it. I dunno.... it just feels like I'm close to my breaking point emotionally. Like I'm just on the right side of the line from being full on depressed about all of this.
I sure don't want to feel that way and I'm not sure how to prevent it from happening.
I can't just NOT think about it. That is not ever going to happen. How can you relax and forget about something that you want with every fiber of your being, ya know?
Sure I could throw myself in to my hobbies, but I can't do that for 24/7.
Sigh.... *shrugs*
Just not sure what to do right now.

1 comment:

Marly said...

HUGS... sometimes getting it out is so much easier.. i had a similar experience this past wknd, with one of DH's close friends...started talking about kids, and when we would have some, i said yesterday if we could and he started saying well its easy, you have to try... so i just threw out there its not that easy for everyone, and we had to get drs help... it felt so refreshing though!