Tuesday, July 5, 2011


So, we have an offer for a surrogate from DH's BF's wife (the ones we were vacationing with).
They already have 3 children, and with her last, she had her tubes tied b/c she's SO fertile and didn't want anymore blahblahblah.

It's a very touching offer, but damn does it make me feel like an even bigger failure.

I really had not even thought as far as doing IVF b/c it's SO much money. I just sort of blocked that option out of my mind. And then to have that offer come up..... it was like a slap in the face.
Not from HER, but just of our whole circumstance that would even bring up an offer like that to begin with.

DH asked how much longer I want to continue trying the way we are. I didn't even know how to answer that and told him so. When do you call it quits? HOW can you set a time like that?
I know a lot of people do, but I just don't want to get to that point b/c it feels like we're giving up.
I mean even though it would be just moving on to the more expensive step, it still feels like giving up to me.... sigh.

Also, we may be taking an extended break. We spent A LOT of money on this trip and our bank account is really hurting right now.
I mean of course, I would love to just jump right back in to things, but realistically, we NEED money.
DH wants to wait until at least August. I'm ok with it.
Damnit, how shitty is that though......
Everyone else can frickin TTC for FREE. Just bump uglies and TADA! BABY!
But oh no...... infertiles have to worry about how much GD money they have in the bank before they can even try.

I guess the only positive about waiting, other than more money, is that I WILL be lighter in weight.
No ifs ands or buts about that statement.
I'm still pumped about losing weight surprisingly enough lol.
My back still feels jacked up and my foot still needs to heal some, but hopefully in a couple of days I'll be able to start exercising.


Kerrik said...

Hi Lisa,
I'm sorry to hear the topic of IVF had to come up in such a painful way. None of this is fair or easy to deal with, and there just seems to be no guidebook or right or wrong way to go about things most of the time.

Is there any reason to believe the you can't carry a baby to term in your own womb? I know you have had some early losses, but have the doctors said that has anything to do with you uterus? A lot of PCOS women (myself included) seem to have issues with egg quality during their cycle. I believe it is one of the reasons IVF is so effective for us. We tend to produce a lot of eggs each IVF cycle, and by carefully controlling hormone exposure and choosing healthy looking embryos, we tend to conceive. I know it is not something you really want to be thinking about just now, but I always found it comforting to know those options were there for me.

Sending you some hugs.

socialite_baby said...

Money is the biggest issue for us in the TTC department right now too. I honestly don't know how some people can just up and do it unless they're not really paying out of pocket... I don't have over $10,000 to possibly piss away. ;)