Weird CM

The weird CM has turned to regular ole EWCM, and A LOT of it. Think it was just like that earlier maybe b/c I was a little dehydrated?
But yeah... it's definitely EWCM now and as I said, A TON of it. WOOT  lol

So funny cheering for a snotty vag :P Yes yes, that's crude and gross, but it's exactly what it is. The body is a disgusting/fascinating place O_O

Where did you go??

My left ovary does not want to show itself!
The RE did my ultrasound today so that didn't help w/ the trying to find my left O. Even the nurse who usually does it can barely find it.
But anywho, that's not the news I wanted to share.
The surprise came from my right ovary. Now the RE may have measured 1 or 2 of them twice, but if he did measure different ones....
I have 5 follicles on my right ovary. All measuring around 13-15mm each. WOO!!
So no trigger today obviously, but I'll def be getting it Monday and hopefully the ultrasound then will show that all 5 follicles have matured. YAY!
My E2 came back at 1071. O_O
So yeah... 175u of follistim is my magic dose it seems. At least it better be my magic dose and get me frickin pregnant already!

When we finally got home, I used the bathroom, and I'm having some weird CM right now. It's stretchy, but really thick, like jelly/gelatin. BLEH. I thought maybe it was the lube the doc's office uses, but no... they use stuff that's similiar to preseed so this jelly stuff is all me.
Whatever though... I know w/ the 5 follicles, I'll have plenty of EWCM when the time comes.

After my appointment we went clothes shopping. I wanted to get more capris b/c well, I have like 2 pair that I wear all the time and it's time I get more.
Tried on a pair of 18s. Meh, they fit, but were a little loose around the waist. Also got a pair of 16w, and THEY FIT! YAY!
I thought it may be a fluke, but nope! I tried on regular size 16's and they fit too! WOOHOO!
Bought about 5 new pairs and just frickin happy to be down a size FINALLY!

Now I just hope I won't be able to enjoy the smaller size for long b/c I'll get and STAY pregnant this time :D

Wow...

My E2 levels this time are totally kicking my other cycles' E2 numbers asses!
Just got a call back and my E2 today is 452! WOOHOO!
My last BFP cycle in January, my E2 was 420 2 days before the trigger and I produced 2 mature follicles.
My first BFP cycle, my E2 was 639 2 days before trigger and that cycle, I had 3 mature follicles.
I think it's going to get that high again. At least I hope so.
Going to have to start BDing just in case.. not that I need an excuse to BD :D

But still, SO happy right now and SO relieved. Now I'm just SUPER curious to see what my ovaries are doing. I really think I'm going to ovulate from my left side this time. That's where I'm feeling most of the aches and twinges. I have had some on the right side as well, but not a lot. We'll see though b/c even the stuff I'm feeling on the left isn't all that apparent and noticeable.

_______
I took a 3hr long nap today. It's been storming, and that usually drains me, but I've just been feeling really tired lately.
I've been sleeping fine. Going to bed when I usually do, etc, but just been feeling tired for the past week.
I'm sure it will pass.

_______
Diet has been going ok. Not the greatest. I've been cheating with a little bit of candy. Not nearly as much as I would've eaten before though. Well... except for yesterday. I ate about 6 of those chocolate/mint candies and a good bit of reeses pieces.
We didn't buy any of it. DH's family, who all know we're on this diet still thought it was a great idea to give us candy for Easter anyway. SIGH.
As I've said and will continue to say.... family is AWFUL for dieting!

Holy freaking crap dude!

So, just got back from my unpleasant blood draw. I got there early b/c it was storming really bad here this morning. Read in the car until about 7:40 and then headed up.
Waited in their waiting room for about 10mins, and the RE calls me back.
He wants to get me out of there before the storm gets any worse so he's gonna take my blood. Uhm... ok.
I sit down in the chair, and he squeezes the shit out of my arm to see where the vein is. Whatever...
Then he swabs my arm, DOESN'T put gloves on, and pokes me with the needle and good lord this man is NOT gentle at all. He's frickin moving that thing around and going deeper and hitting just all the bad frickin spots.
He can't get anything which isn't surprising, so he pulls the needle out and presses down REALLY hard on the spot.
I'm still sore from what he did, and it looks like that whole area is going to bruise. Hell, my BICEP feels achy now! Leave that shit to the people who know my tiny veins damnit!!
Finally the nurse came over to rescue me. Did the ole hand in warm water trick to make my veins pop out of my hand and it worked.

See the area to the right where it looks like an old bruise? That's where I got blood taken on Tuesday. It bruised only very very slightly. That's where he poked me today as well, and the red spots coming up...who the hell knows, I just know he caused it. I hope it doesn't bruise as bad as it feels, but pfft, it's already starting to.

Oh and speaking of the storm.... it was pretty spectacular driving in it. It wasn't raining very hard and the skies were lit up with lightening. It was very cool watching the lightning flash and snake across the sky.

Hopefully this storm doesn't claim any more lives and really hope my cousin is ok down in ALA.

Screw Infertility & PCOS!

Just UGH!
There's a thread this person started on one of the websites that I go to saying the things they were thankful for b/c of their infertility and PCOS.
Absolutely nothing against the person, I know they were just trying to lighten the mood and focus on whatever positives they could come up with which I think is great.

But I am NOT in that frame of mind. Sure infertility and PCOS will make me more appreciative of any pregnancies and babies I'm able to have, IF it ever happens.
But thankful for that? HELL NO. Do you know how often I wish I could be one of those naive fertiles that can get pregnant at the drop of a hat?? Every frickin day!
Thankful that we have to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on something that most everyone else can do for free? NO!
Thankful that I've been struggling for over 2 years (will be 3 in Oct), to have a child? FUCK NO.
Thankful that infertility has turned me in to such a bitter and jealous person? Really? Do I need to go on??

It's great for you if you want to see the positives, but not me. I'm just SO tired of having to try this hard. I'm tired of seeing others getting their BFPs so easily (strangers, not the women I've come to know). I'm just sick and tired of being on this gawd awful frustrating, heartbreaking journey. I won't give up, but I can still hope that it ends soon with us getting our family already.

I know this post is filled with so much anger, but that thread just really rubbed me the wrong way.
If by some chance the person that posted the thread reads this. Please don't take offense. I'm not attacking you or angry at all with you. Just angry at being infertile and stankin PCOS.

Random post moment!

Haven't posted any photos in a while, so here are some!!

Strawberries from the garden

Giant strawberry from the farm we picked from (and it tasted GREAT).

Radishes freshly picked from my garden.

The garden they came from. Both of my gardens are being overun with weeds, grass and seeds that have been dropped and sprouted from the bird feeder. I haven't pulled them up b/c I'm wanting to see if they're sunflowers or not lol. Going to have to commit some time to do some serious weeding.

Blurry photo, but it's showing my babies! The adorable little baby mollies that have recently learned that, Me= FOOD!

DH had fun shaving our dog Bing. She has super thick fur and she gets hot very easily, so he shaves her to help. He left her a nice back-hawk.

And finally.... ever wonder exactly what was in a jumping bean? Yeah me neither, but here ya go anyway lol.
DH's mother bought some when they went to Cali for older SiL's wedding. When she finally gave them to us, only 1 or 2 actually moved, and then it stopped. I thought the bugs were dead, but one apparently isn't.
I let it go outside. Fly away little moth.... fly away!

Late night pains

Wasn't awful and it didn't last very long. Happened around maybe 7 last night. My left O started to ache. It only lasted for maybe a minute.
Really hope my E2 tomorrow is even better. Nice and high and then an u/s on Saturday will show some big mature follicles ready to be triggered.

I still have my suspisions about last cycle. Just the way my E2 didn't go up hardly any when I did get the trigger shot. I really don't think I ovulated a mature egg.

Well hell.....

I was apparently worrying about nothing. Just got a call back from the RE's office and my E2 came back at 106. WOO!
Hopefully it means I have multiple follicles maturing and not a ton of tiny ones.
I'm still not feeling much of anything down there, but going to try not to worry about it.

Go back in Thursday morning for just another E2 check again and I stay on 175 until then :)

Forgot to mention that AF is officially gone! It was still smudges on tp this morning, but now... nada. So YAY!

Morning traffic... UGH

I just got back from my blood draw. I had to drive myself.
I don't mind driving, but I do when it's in frickin crazy ass morning rush hour traffic. People are INSANE. Driving 20+ over the speed limit, cutting people off, etc. Just taking way too many risks to try to get one car ahead of everyone else. It's scary as hell.

I left pretty much right after DH left for work. It was over an hour before my appointment but I didn't care. I knew traffic wouldn't be as bad and I could sit in the car and read for a bit when I got there lol.

Different lab tech today. She likes trying to get blood out of my arm. It kinda worked. Didn't fill the vial though. She maybe got a tablespoon out of me, but she showed it to the RE and he said it would be enough since they were only testing E2 today.

I may have started to feel some aches in my ovaries last night. Nothing major and it could very easily be explained away by my body trying to get rid of all of the bad food from this weekend. Hopefully it's 2-4 follicles growing and maturing heh.

I'm wondering if I even ovulated a mature egg last time. My E2 hadn't really changed all that much from 2 days before I triggered and I had 2 that were 12-14mm, 1 at 11, and then the one at 18. You would think my estrogen would've been a lot higher than it was.
I think this time, if there's just one again, I'm going to wait to hear what the E2 is before doing the trigger shot.

AF is still hanging around. UGH. Just smudges on the tp when I use the bathroom, but still... too long and annoying!! Doesn't help that it's not the painless annoyance it used to be. Oh no.. those first few days have to be filled w/ bloaty cramps!

Sooooooooo bad!

This weekend was SO bad and UGH I'm gonna pay for it with my weight.
I already am. Weighed this morning and it was 202. Hopefully that will go back down ASAP, but still.. BLEH.
Time to get back on track before our trip comes up.

I think my wish came true. DH's sister is having an AWFUL pregnancy. MUAHAHAHAHAHA
I know it's evil, but I'm SO frickin glad. All of the crap she's said, this is pure justice.
Sure, everyone has to deal with her being a mega bitch, but so long as she's suffering, I don't care.
And when I say mega bitch, Oh I definitetly mean it. She's most def using the excuse of hormones to act the way she does.
Being a total bitch to everyone around her. Seriously, when she starts getting sick, she screams at her husband "You did this to me!" Like she watched one too many cheesy RomComs and thought it was a good line to use or something.
She also screams at him to not touch her and to leave her alone, but will then demand him to rub her back, feet, shoulders, whatever. He's a total doormat and she takes full advantage of it.
Be a doting husband, but damn, grow some frickin balls and say NO to your wife sometimes. She is not some helpless butterfly with a broken wing. Hell, she's not even showing yet!


Anyway, enough about her dumbass.
I'm having my doubts about being on the 175u. I haven't felt a single thing in the ovaries yet. I know it's still early, but it would be nice to feel something just so I would know that there are some follicles growing. Go in tomorrow for first bloodwork. Feeling it's going to be just as low as it usually is, but he'll keep me on 175u anyway to see how my E2 is going up from it 2 days later. I'm ok with that. I'll go 19 long days again if I have to. I don't WANT to, but I will if I must :D

Gonna be sooooooo bad

My WI next week is gonna be awful b/c of this weekend.

So yesterday, we went strawberry picking at a local farm. Really fun except when I stepped in to an ant hill and got bitten 3 times! lol
Oh well, could've been worse.
Their strawberries are SOOOOOO good!
We got 2 giant gallon buckets full of strawberries. Makes the ones you get in the grocery store taste like crap.

Seriously.... everyone needs to look up if you have a local strawberry farm and go pick yourself some fresh ones.

Got them to give to family and to make some strawberry shortcakes with.
DH nor I like those nasty little cake things sold in stores, so I looked up a recipe to use.
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Perfect-Berry-Shortcakes/Detail.aspx
Only recipes I could find were ones that made biscuit type of 'cake'. I've never had that before, but was willing to give it a shot, so I made some last night to test.
They def look like biscuits, but are crumbly like  a pie crust or a crumble top to a pie, cake or cobbler. Sweet but not too sweet.
So yep... not bad :D Didn't make homemade whipped cream, just used cool whip :D

So yep... hopefully everyone else thinks they're good.

Now I just have to look up frickin BBQ beef rib recipes.

Oops

Forgot to weigh in this morning before eating anything.
Don't think it would've budged much though. But WI when I did it was 201. Boooo lol
That's ok though, I've been seeing that weight all week long. It has been fluctuating between 198-201. I know it's not permanent so it doesn't bother me, but still... I'd like to get away from the 200's enough that when my weight does start to fluctuate as it has been... it'll still be in the 100's lol.
Oh well.

Turkey I fixed last night. UGH. Stupid oven. I don't think our oven heats to where it should. Was trying to slow cook a turkey and it's supposed to be done in about 8-10hrs. A WHOLE turkey. Ours was only breast meat attached to the bones.
I had to sleep in the living room so I could listen for the oven beep to check on it.... 3hrs later, still not done and staying at a steady 160. Grr. I finally got tired of waiting and turned the temp up to 350 and finished it that way which took about 50mins including cooling time afterwards. So yeah... didn't get back to sleep until 4am. And of course, the breast meat is dry. Awesome :\
Oh well... it still tastes pretty good cold. Will be good for snacks and such.

I have a TON of cleaning to do today. Serves me right I guess for not cleaning up more frequently lol. It's not that our house is a disaster area, it just needs a lot of dusting, vacuuming and just straightening up..... a lot.....
So yeah, my day is gonna be busy busy.
We're going to a strawberry farm later as soon as DH is done watching a movie. Going to make some homemade strawberry shortcakes for tomorrow. Yummy! Or at least, I hope they are! heh
Think I'm supposed to be fixing ribs too but not sure. If so, we're gonna have to get more.

That's about it really. Haven't felt much in the O's. No mroe aching on the right one.
My left boob has been feeling strange. Like a sharp poking sensation, but it's probably nothing as well.

175u!

MAN that is a lot of frickin follistim! That's almost IVF doses isn't it? Dang body.

I've been feeling some aches on my right ovary. Baseline showed some smaller cysts on it, so that's probably what is causing it.
REALLY hope the 175 makes more than one mature. Come on ovaries... don't fail me now! Gimme hmm... 4! 4 nice big fat healthy juicy follicles with nice big fat healthy eggs ready to implant and be babies!

If we're successful this time and don't have to stim for a ridiculous amount of days... then DD would be Jan 25th. So... Come on January baby!!!!

Micro-dose HCG

Just sitting here waiting for the pharmacy to call already and I decided to google some stuff.

I came upon an interesting link about a study that paired micro-HCG w/ clomid in women who failed to ovulate with clomid alone.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15970844

If you don't want to click it, basically it took 67 women who had failed to ovulate on clomid alone.
Group 1 was given clomid and the micro-dose HCG when their dominant follicle measured 12mm.
Group 2 was given a slightly higher dose of clomid.
Their study showed that the women who took the micro dose hcg had a higher rate of ovulation and a higher rate of pregnancy (which I guess would be obvious since they ovulated more than the other group lol).

I just thought that was some interesting info and maybe pass the information along. Specially to those who can't afford to move on to injectables. This could maybe be an option if your doc is open to it.

So..... yeah.....

Sigh............ I had my baseline today. DH got to take me so yay for that at least.
The dildo cam showed it right away..........






That I have no CYSTS! WOOOOOOOO lol
Well, no large cysts preventing us from trying again! YAAAAAAAAAY!
Also, the RE is listening and starting me on 175u! *HAPPY DANCING IN MY CHAIR!*
So happy right now. Well, I'd be happier if I was pregnant, but ya know. Work with what ya got lol.
Just SO frickin happy that we're not on another forced break b/c I completely forgot when our 2 week road trip is.
If we had been forced to take a break... it would've been a 2 month break b/c of the trip. We're starting it the last 2 weeks of June. Now we could've still done a cycle, and I would've been in the TWW during the trip, but that's if everything worked out ok which, given my body's history of NOT working, is a gamble, so yeah.
But that's not a problem now, so... WOOT!


AF is a real bitch this time. Feel SO bloated down there w/ that kinda crampy feeling that comes along with it, and AF is heavy and leaky and BLEH.
Also, this is gonna be gross, but we're all adults here.
AF is really mucousy. It's pretty weird b/c it's super slick and just strange. Hell, why can't I have that kind of mucus when I ovulate damnit lol.
I mean it wasn't too bad last cycle, but nowhere near enough and I think that could've been a problem. I seem to produce a good amount if there's more than 1 mature follicle, but just one, then I have CM problems.
If it happens again, we'll just have to glob in some preseed.

The Bitch has arrived!

She didn't waste any time either. SHEESH. It's only light flow right now, but w/ the bloaty crampy feeling, I know it's gonna pick up.
Just glad that it didn't delay any longer. Really want to get the baseline done to see if yes we're on a break, or if we get to try again.
Just left a message and waiting for a call back.


EDIT: Go in tomorrow at 9 for my baseline. FX for no cysts!

Well...yeah

So I talked with DH last night about what I should do. Continue the progest and see what happens, or stop.
He said with all of my new sups, that I could go ahead and continue.
I decided to do the 2nd one for yesterday even though things still weren't looking good.

The progesterone is definitely interfering with AF arriving.
Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Going to lean towards good since my LP is so short. It will give extra time to an egg if one decides to implant.
Bad thing... if this continues in other cycles, then I'll never know if I'm late or not lol. Not that that really matters with as many tests as I take :P lol

So yeah, I'm still bummed, but I'm trying to look at the very few positives. I'm bummed obviously b/c I won't be having an Xmas baby, and b/c I know SiL is close to finding out the gender and UGH that's all they're gonna be talking about. Good for them and all, they should be excited, but man, I don't want to hear it.

Oh and before I get going..... I may not have cysts. I haven't felt any aching coming from the O's and laying on my stomach, favoring either side... I don't feel any pressure like there are cysts. So FX. Hoping AF will start today so I can schedule a baseline for Friday. Def going to ask to be started on 175u this time. Seems to be my magic number, and I want more than 1 follie!

Sigh....

I'm such a sucker for punishment I guess.
Things are still lagging a bit, and I used a suppository anyway even though I wasn't going to.
When inserted, there was blood up in the vajay. Didn't look fresh. If the progest is delaying things, then the spotting and such should just continue to get heavier.
Guess a part of me is still trying to cling to something. I'm really not even remotely thinking that this will end in a miracle, so not sure why I'm even bothering.

In other news....
Made myself a big bowl of yummy egg drop soup.
2 cups of chicken broth, tablespoon of tamari soy sauce, and 3 eggs lightly beaten. Also added in extra salt and lots of pepper. Yum yum!

Tonight we're having some Korean BBQ short ribs. MM MM. Kinda going to be a cheat, b/c the marinade has regular soy sauce and sugar in it.
EDIT: NM on the cheat. I didn't want to use up the tamari soy sauce we have left, but decided to anyway. Made the marinade w/ coconut crystals, tamari soy sauce, sesame oil and 2 cloves of crushed garlic.

I also weighed myself before eating lunch. My weight had gone back up to 200 after this awful food weekend, so was just curious what it would be at. It was down to 198, so woot for that at least.

I'll probably start exercising tomorrow. Really want to give the rowing machine a try.


EDIT Continued: Also went to the bathroom and had more red blood finally. So yeah.... seriously, no more progesterone suppositories. Just hve to move on and hope that maybe I'll O on my own this coming cycle or I won't have cysts.

My story so far.

Figured I should do this. Give a quick recap on who I am, and what's been going on up to this point in my TTC and Weight loss life.

My name is Lisa. I'm 31yo. DH is 32yo.
We've been together for 13 or 14 years, but only just got married at the end of October 2008.
We immedietly started trying. Of course through those 13 or so years though, we weren't always careful, but nothing ever happened.
I knew something was wrong with my body since I could go months without getting a period, but it was always on the back burner. I guess I was in a bit of denial.
When I first met DH, I weighed in at around 140-150lbs. I thought I was HUGE back in the day because I was the largest one of my group of friends. While they could eat whatever they wanted, and drop weight super quickly... my weight just always kept rising.
Over the years with DH, my weight just kept going up and up. I know this was mainly due to our poor diets. Lots and LOTS of bad fast food.
Fast forward to 2009. I started to bleed and bleed and bleed. It would stop for maybe a day, or just lighten up some, but then would start right back up. Before this, I noticed that the few periods that I did get were long and abnormally light and I would spot constantly.
I finally got so scared, that I made an appointment to get checked out in June.
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and PCOS and I was at my highest weight of 250lbs. I know I was that for my wedding day as well. I should mention that my hypothyroidism really had an impact on my energy level and I had no idea. I could sleep ALL day, and still feel exhausted. I could get up in the morning (well afternoon back then), and still end up taking a 2hr nap about an hour later. I had zero energy.
I was started on synthroid for the thyroid issue, and metformin for the PCOS and was given provera.
The spotting pretty much stopped after I got AF from the provera. Thank frickin goodness!
I had been charting this entire time, and well, my charts looked awful. No ovulation at all. I finally told my obgyn after that first cycle, that I wanted to try clomid. She readily agreed and started me off on 50mg.
I had absolutely no response to it unless you count the headaches and hot flashes.
Next cycle, 100mg. Nope... nada then! Grrrr
She wanted to try me on femara next. Yay something different but holy crap is it expensive! She only wanted to try me on 2.5mg. Nope nothing then either. I wanted to try a higher dose, but she refused for some reason. She said we could try the 2.5mg again, or get referred to an RE.
I wanted the RE, but DH wasn't ready for it yet and wanted to try the femara again.
I should've put my foot down, but I didn't.
So, 2.5mg of femara again, and what do ya know... nothing happened!
I finally asked my ob for the referral and had the first appointment with my RE.
Oh I should mention that during this time with the ob, I was taking 1000mg of metformin. I had stopped eating late night snacks/meals. Seriously, I used to often fix myself an entire meal after DH went to bed. I started off just reducing what I ate to a cup of yogurt, applesauce, or pudding until I finally just stopped eating late night. I think that along with the metformin helped me lose about 20lbs by the time I did see my RE.
First RE appointment went as I'm sure most do. Went over medical history, what he wanted to do, what we wanted to do, etc etc.
He upped my dose of metformin to 1500mg a day and wanted to try me on clomid one more time.
I didn't want to, but whatever. I just went along with it. So he put me on 150mg.
As expected, absolutely NO response to it.
Ok... so lets try me on clomid + follistim. YAY! I finally get to injectables!
Welp, start on the 100mg of clomid, then start the follistim, and what do ya know... poor response and the cycle is cancelled. WTF?
I get completely frustrated and make sure to tell him that I don't care how long it takes... we're NOT cancelling the next cycle.
RE heard me loud and clear and we started the next cycle with just follistim and micro-HCG shots.
It took 15 looooong days to get my body to produce 1 egg. BFN that cycle. To make this a little shorter. After every injection cycle, I have large cysts so we're forced to take a break for a month.

So next injection cycle, we do the same thing, but this time, it takes 19 days of stimming! But this time, I produced 3 mature follicles and guess what. I got my first ever BFP that cycle! OMG!
I was so excited. I thought that this was it. We were finally going to start our family. And then.... my tests didn't get darker.
I was constantly reassured that that didn't mean anything. NM all of the progression posts that were on the forums that I went to or anything. NM the women who got their BFPs WAY earlier in their TWW who had much MUCH darker lines.
I had a beta done finally, and my beta only came back at 27. I was already having sinking feelings b/c of my tests and that 27 didn't help, but I still hoped. My RE's office tests beta every 4 days. And on that forth day... it had dropped to 5. I had already started to bleed by then.
That m/c was awful. Severe lower back pain and awful cramping. And the emotional side... just being crushed like that. It was awful. But I saw the glimmer of hope. Well, hell, this means I can get pregnant right?

We did one my injection cycle for 2010. We started it in Oct. Did the same meds, stimmed for 13 days, produced one egg... AND... BFN... SIGH!
It was a VERY long wait for January. Thankfully with all of the holidays crammed in to those few months, it made it go by somewhat faster, but still, I was anxious to start again!

January 2011 rolls around, and we start injections once again! Again, it's 15 days of stimming. BLEH body!
But, I had 2 matured follicles by the time of trigger. So WOO!
And.... BFP this cycle too! YAY right? WRONG. The first m/c was always on my mind and it completely sucked any kind of celebrating from this one.
It didn't help that I started to spot on 10dpo and it didn't stop.
My tests did look like they were getting darker for a little bit. Even darker than the first BFP from last year, but then, they started to fade.
Once again, I was told not to worry about it, but how could I not? This was exactly the same thing that happened before!
I had my beta done... and it only came back at 12. I was devastated. I kept testing, and they eventually just turned in to BFNs and I m/c 5 days later.
I was actually feeling ok. Hurt and devasted obviously, but ok. That is until a week later.

DH comes home and asks me if his mother called me. I'm thinking to myself.. WTF would she call me for?
That's when he breaks the news that his younger sister is pregnant.
My world came crashing down around me. All of those negative depressed emotions that I had been trying to keep at bay just hit me all at once and I got seriously depressed for a while.
I'll spare you the awful things his SiL said once I could actually look at her again, but things didn't get better.
Why? Because I learned that her due date is exactly when I would've been due if this 2nd pregnancy had stuck. Also doesn't help that it's only a few days after DH's birthday and gawd... I SO wanted to give him the best birthday present ever lol. Sigh.

So yeah fast forward to now and here I am... another failed cycle. Seems to be the pattern though. One cycle, nothing, next cycle, BFP and m/c! SIGH. Well lets just hope the next one is BFP and sticky bean!

As for the weight loss. Since being with my RE... I lost about another 15lbs and then things stalled. My weight would go up, or down a little, but always stayed at around 215lbs.
That is until what..6, 7 weeks ago when I decided to try us out on the Paleo/Primal eating style. I read about it and it just made sense to me. Paleo man didn't eat grains (or at least not a lot of them if they did have access), and I'm sure mother nature didn't design our bodies to consume it and be able to break it down as it should, so why the hell are we eating so much of it now? It just made sense to me.
So on to the paleo path we went and well.. we haven't looked back since and I don't plan to ever again.


I know I probably skipped a good bit in there, and I am NOT a writer so I'm sorry if some things don't make sense or feels jumbled together.

Looks like I finally have my answer

No temp rise today and this morning, I wiped away bright red blood w/ small clots.
Didn't even bother putting in a progesterone suppository after that.
It hasn't picked up yet, but I'm sure that's probably b/c of the progesterone still in there.

All 'symptoms' seemed to have disappeared over night. Boobs aren't sore. Phlegm in throat is gone.
They have been replaced by headaches though and I'm getting this pinching sensation right next/below my belly button. Hmmm actually starting to increase now and feels more like cramping.

Pretty bummed out about the failure once again. Gawd I hate my body :(


Just hope AF shows up quickly. End this already so I can call for the baseline. REALLY hoping for no cysts, but I know that won't happen. Laid on my stomach when I went back to bed this morning and didn't feel anything, but that's not saying much.

Silly me..

For getting my hopes up.
All day and nothing. Started to get hopeful again that maybe this could be it.
Went to put in my 2nd progesterone suppository and sure enough, there's blood.

I still inserted the suppository, so hope it doesn't interfere with AF starting.

I'm pretty bummed out. As pessimistic as I get, I still have a lot of hope and well.. this just sucks.

I'l hope for no cysts, but pfft, yeah right. I know I'll have some. If by some miracle I don't, then, I'll ask to be started on 175u. Well, either way for this cycle or the next, I'll ask to be started on that.

I'll also try to get to 190 by the time my next cycle is due. Give me a short short term goal.

DH is also planning this 2 week trip at the end of June, so either I'll be preggo by then or at least skinnier so I won't feel so awkward when we go to amusement parks.


EDIT:
Of course.... things have slowed down now. Def b/c of the progesterone.
Hrmm, well, I guess if there's any good news out of this, it's that my LP lengthened a little bit.

And this is why I didn't want Answer tests

Took a couple more tests. Wanted to use one of the supposed good ones.
The Answer box has 3 tests instead of 2, so I figure why not.
Open it up, and the frickin 2nd line is already visible! WTF???

UGH. I had already opened it though so used it anyway. And yep, it does show still after it's been used. Not as clearly, but I'm sure it would give hope to someone that was really looking for that 2nd line.

Also 2 more wondfos. HPT and OPK.
Not looking good unfortunatly.

I wanna say I see a shadow something on the HPT, but really, it's nothing. Just wishful thinking hoping that it's something good.

Nauseous

Wish I could say it's pregnancy related. SIGH.
Not sure what is causing it exactly. I THOUGHT it was just my anxiety causing it, but now I wonder b/c I've been having it happen after every meal. It's not a super overwhelming nauseated state or anything, just queasy.
Maybe the bad food this weekend is causing it.

So for the heck of it and waiting to hear back from the pharmacy about my prescrip....

Symptoms! Or well... possible Pre-AF stuff! Who the hell knows!
My boobs are still sore to the touch. Nothing awful.. just.. eh.. sore.
Throat is still phlegmy.
Feeling wet down there.
And the slight nausea

So yeah... not a lot to go on here... sigh.

Gonna go read and maybe sleep a bit more and test again before heading out to get my meds. Hope they call back to confirm. Don't want to get there and have to sit there and wait for them to make them.

In Weight news

I pulled out some pants I haven't worn in a while. No real reason why I haven't. They're the same size as my other pants. A size 18, and both pants. One a pair of jeans, the other a pair of corduroys were SO loose on me that I could take them off and put them back on with the buttons and zippers still done.
I had a good 3 or so inches of waist area available for each pants. YAY!
Now if some of my other pants would get a bit looser!

I mean obviously that proves that my waist is shrinking, I just wish it actually LOOKED like it. Seriously, I look in the mirror, and it doesn't look like my stomach has changed at all. Stupid big belly!

Not sure if I'm ready to move down a pant size yet b/c some of my size 18's still fit ok.

So.... inconclusive!

Well, what my body is doing, not the HPTs.
HPTs aren't even giving me shadow lines any longer.
I think AF will start today.
My temp did go up just slightly though. From 97.76 to 97.89. Yeah, not really a huge jump there lol. Only think it went up b/c our dog was sleeping right up against me and he was making me hot.

Not a very good hold this morning.
Tests are definite BFNs. No hint of anything on them.

Both wondfos have dimples on them. After I saw that the 2nd one had it as well, I wasn't going to waste any more. Specially on the crappy diluted PP sample.
I'll take more tests later of course unless AF appears. The stark white BFNs aren't really giving me much confidence that anything will appear.

Speaking of AF. No spotting so far. Could be b/c of the progesterone though. Which I'm gonna have to go get more of. SIGH. And of course, the pharmacy is downtown which I hate driving in. Double SIGH! At least it should be during a non-rush hour hour so shouldn't be that bad. May take the long way there.

That's about it so far. I still fully expect AF to show today unless for some reason, the progesterone prevents it.


EDIT: Maybe another possibility.
Perhaps my change in diet has changed my LP? Not even sure if that's possible, but just thought I would throw that out there.

Family Reunion

Just got back from the yearly family reunion. Fried chicken and southern carby foods along with a table full of sugary sweet desserts.
Next weekend isn't going to be any better.  It's Easter and I think inlaws are coming over to our house. Dernit, means I'm gonna have to clean! lol

Only bad thing about it was this one cousin, or 2nd cousin to DH that was there. She had gotten married the previous year, and instantly got knocked up b/c she had her cute little new baby there to show off.
Now I'm not going to go in to specifics b/c they're awful and if there's a hell, I'm going straight there for even thinking these things.... but to put it VERY mildly... I was very surprised and very irked that she & her husband were able to get pregnant so easily and quickly. Don't ask for the specifics of it. Trust me, they're awful and I'm not very proud of thinking them.

And of course, MiL and DH's aunt had to announce SiL's pregnancy. UGH. Now this was jealousy on my part. Not at the attention. That's actually the last thing I want, but just being reminded once again that she's pregnant and.. nope.. I'm not.

I guess I could still hope that this turns out like my other 2 BFP cycles. Well, minus the m/c part. I started to get if-y tests on 12dpo with something definite on 13dpo, but man, with this big of a temp dip (98.12 to 97.76 today) and so late at 11dpo... I just don't see it happening.
Took another wondfo when we got home and there's nothing on it. Not even a shadow of a line showing on it.

Haven't started spotting yet, but there is still plenty of today left for it to start. Or maybe the progesterone will prevent the spotting and I'll just start AF tomorrow *shrugs*

I just want it to be our turn already. I wanna make DH a daddy.


EDIT:
I'm trying to keep some hope alive. Been googling everything I can about late implantation.
Maybe that is what was wrong with my previous 2 (implanting too late). Think someone said there is a 50something percent chance to miscarry if you implant at 11dpo.

I'm feeling pretty wet down there. A pre-AF symptom. Been taking trips to the bathroom to see if anything has shown up yet.
All my luck, nothing is going to show today, so I'll call in for my progesterone suppository refill tomorrow and AF will show up before, during, or after I get them.

UUUGH, if this isn't it, then I REALLY hope the progest doesn't delay anything. I only have 3 more left. So if nothing by early morning tomorrow, I'm gonna have to go get more 'just in case'. BLEH.

Not looking too promising

My temp dropped this morning. Expecting to start spotting later today unless the progesterone prevents it which I hope it won't.

Feeling pretty heartbroken over it.

Tests this morning. No real point in posting them. BFNs and even the OPK lightened up. Not sure why it would darken the way it did. Maybe nothing, or maybe a little egg tried implanting again but couldn't.
Not that it really matters now.

I dunno, honestly, even though I was really hopeful, I just felt like our chances were very slim and never really believed I would get a positive this time. Oh I really wanted it and hoped for it, but I haven't had success with just one follicle before, so why would I now.

Pretty sure I have cysts again too. With the way my ovaries have been aching off and on, I would be shocked if I didn't. So it means next cycle will be a break with no chance unless a miracle happens and I ovulate on my own. Pfft, yeah right.

It's going to be a long wait. I guess I'll start to exercise as the routine seems to go. Failed cycle, I focus on losing weight. We did buy a rowing machine that I've been wanting to try out but was afraid to. Didn't want to start anything new if there was a bun in the oven. Guess won't have that delay now.
_________________________

UGH this weekend has been the absolute WORST with food. Afraid to get on the scale lol.
Why has it been bad? Family get together!!!
What did they fix? A bunch of deep fried foods! UUUUUGH
And what's today? Family Reunion... w/ food!!! UUUUUUUUUUGH
Oh, and who's gonna be there getting as much sympathy and attention as possible? Pregnant idiot SiL!! Seriously, yesterday, she had her husband help her out of the car. WTF bitch, you're not crippled in any way physically.
UGH gawd she just irritates the hell out of me. I don't hate her, even after all of the crap she has said. I just REALLY dislike her.

Come on!

Just gimme a clear answer already!! *cry*
We got back from the store a little while ago. Went to Walmart first. Of course Walmart sucks so they only had 1 equate test. Got it along with an Answer pack. Didn't want the answer but since I didn't know what color dye tests Target uses, I got them just in case.
Went a few other places, then finally to Target. I think their regular non early pregnancy tests are pink dye, but their early tests are blue.
I got the blue dye ones. Oh well. It's soemthing different and equally as frustrating lol.
When we finally got home, I took a Target brand, 2 wondfo hpts and another OPK.
Reason I took 2 wondfos is b/c the first has a dot on it right where the 2nd line would appear and I knew it was going to do something. Either just draw the eyes there or cause some kind of fault to happen.
It definitely caused something to show up well. Whether if it's a real line or faulty, I have no idea.

Target Brand first. Not sure if I see anything. I really want to and I'm not positive I do or don't. I'm leaning towards BFN though.

The wondfos
First is the OPK with the dotted HPT

And then the 2nd HPT

Both HPTs actually show something super faint (not so much in the photos but IRL), so once again I'm stuck wondering. The OPK is about as dark or maybe a little darker than this morning. *shrugs* if that means anything though.


EDIT: Wanted to mention that all 3 HPTs dried with the 2nd line more visible, specially the wondfos. The blue dye test has a super SUPER faint vertical line, but I'm not familiar with how these work when dried, so *shrugs*
Sigh.... I really hope tests tomorrow show something good and AF stays away! Come on, no spotting!!!

I am super wet down there though and that usually happens before AF arrives. Boo :(

Tess tests and more tests

That's what my blog title should be with how many I go through lol.
Tests today are inconclusive. Story of my life!

I took 2 wondfos this morning along with an OPK.
Reason for 2 wondfos is b/c I wanted to compare whatever they did or didn't show to see if it matched up. Well.. it didn't! Grrrr
First wondfo def had something on it. Can't tell if it's something good, or just something faulty. 2nd test.... nothing. Well, nothing until the 11min mark, and even then, almost nothing there.
Photos didn't pick anything up very well, not that I was expecting it to lol.

The OPK does seem to be darker though. If that means anything... who the hell knows. Looking at the previous trigger shot photos. Looks like it's about as dark as 7-8 days past trigger shot. 7 days you could def still see the line on the HPT in the photo, 8dp, meh. So maybe that means tomorrow it'll be even darker and by then, If I am pregnant, then the tests will start to show something a bit more apparent? *shrugs*

No spotting yesterday, and nothing today so far. It's still early though so things could start up.
OR I could only be 10dpo which means AF isn't due until Monday. So we'll see what happens.

Weigh In Day!

Start off the day with some good news and hope that continues lol.

DH and I weighed in this morning.
He's down to 217!!! WOO! His last WI was 222 so he lost 5 lbs this week!! So happy for him. His weight loss did stall a bit there, but glad to see that it picked back up again :)

My own WI, 199. Was afraid it was going to be more since I was SO bad for dinner lol. No family dinner (that's tonight), so we got some pizza and boy was it GOOD. I over-indulged BIG TIME so was afraid my weight would show it heh. But it doesn't so woot! I'm officially in the onederlands now! YAY! My last weight was 202, so that makes my own a 3lb loss :D
WOO!
Not going to take measurements this week, but will next week :)


Setting my next weight goal for 180lbs :)

Getting sick?

I took a nap and I feel like crap now.
My head feels like it's on the verge of getting a fever/headache again.
Waist aches when I bend. This actually started before I took a nap, so not sure what is going on there. And the ache is only when I bend over.
Also feeling queasy right now. It's not as bad as when I first woke up.

All I could think of was

If this is from being pregnant, then yay!
If not though, then booo I better not be getting sick! lol

Seriously, whenever I am pregnant, I'll mention if I'm sick and that it may suck, but as I've said many times before, I will be puking with a nice big smile on my face.

I dunno...

Think this is just going to turn out to be another failed cycle. I never seem to have any luck when I only have 1 follicle.
Hell, I don't have luck when I have more than that. Oh sure, I get the BFP, but don't get to keep it for long. SIGH.
You would think by now I would've grown a bit more patient, but heck no I haven't! I just want it more and more and sooner! lol
I want to be one of those women that get a BFP at 8dpo damnit!! Screw those lucky bitches!!! lol
I REALLY hope I'm not 11dpo already. I mean, sometimes I hope I am, that way if it is going to be a late BFP, then I'll know something is up when AF doesn't show tomorrow.
But then I hope it's not, that way I have more time to get an earlier BFP than my m/c cycles.

Wish I could just be confident one way or the other!

Anywho... here are some noon tests.
The OPK is a lot darker, even from the one this morning. Wish I could say the same thing for the hpt. SIGH. It's still playing tricks with my eyes.
Really should've kept taking opks during my other cycles, specially the BFP ones so I could see what they did, but I usually stopped them after a few days when they weren't positives any longer from the trigger shot.

Sigh... I hope I don't start spotting today. I'll take some implantation spotting, but pre-AF spotting... no thank you!

Eh....

Here are the tests today

Taken with FMU. The wondfo actually does have a very very slight something, but I think the test is faulty. The test dried and the line looks too close to the control. Not that dried tests are reliable or anything, but just saying lol. I THINK my OPK is darker than yesterday's, but it is just an opk so probably doesn't mean anything.

Tests I just took. Took my last FRER along with another wondfo.

I don't see much of anything on these 2 tests. Def think they're BFNs. Well, there may be something on the wondfo, b/c the test is drying now w/ a 2nd line more visible, but still.. that's not reliable at all so yeah. Taking it with a grain of salt.
My eyes keep playing tricks on me with the FRER. I think I may be seeing the ghost of the 2nd line. Visible but not a positive kind of thing.
I'll be interested to see what this one shows once it's dry. Not going to take it out of the case.


Symptoms. Can't really say there's anything that couldn't be pointed to something else.
My breasts really aren't as sore as before which was never a good sign. After I went back to bed this morning, my right one was feeling sore from laying in one position, but that's hardly anything.
Last night, I started feeling like I was coming down with something. Kinda felt like when you're in the hot sun for too long. Your brain feels fried. I was also slightly queasy as well.
And since yesterday, I've had phlegm in my throat that does not want to dislodge.

I'm still getting ovary aches. Some on the left, some on the right.
Last night was mainly on the left this time. Didn't feel like it was quite at the ovary, but a little bit further away from it.

And finally... something has been upsetting my stomach lately. I don't think it's possible preggo related though. I think I may have a sensitivity to spicy foods, or just spicy kind of peppers in general. Sucks b/c I LOVE spicy stuff!

Seriously.... last one!

REALLY tried making the stupid line show up. I think it's just the ghost/2nd line showing up, or hell, it could even still be picking up the trigger shot. Who knows. There IS something there though. Now whether or not it's a good or faulty something... meh.

Not really sure how well the line is showing in the photo, but I tried marking where it is in pencil.

It's a thin line that I'm seeing, not something thick like the horizontal line.
The test is still drying too so, maybe it'll get darker. *shrugs*

Ok time to go watch some Netflix before I let the crazy take completely over!

EDIT: Quick update.... getting ready to get up..... felt a sharpish light kind of poking cramp in the uterus area. Is it something? *shrugs* I sure hope it is!
Still feeling some aching in the same area actually so.... hmmm. Hope it's something good going on!

EDIT #2: Did a water change in one of my fish tanks. Came back in here to see if the test has dried more. The horizontal line is now SUPER faint, but it made the vertical line kinda stand out a little bit better.
It's still super faint and not sure how well it came out in the photos. I adjusted one to be lighter and the other darker. Think the darker shows it a bit better?

I know I keep obsessing over it. I just need to really do it for myself. Confirm to myself that I'm not just seeing things that aren't there lol.

Final post of the day

Unless of course I decide that I just NEED to test again lol.

I did take 2 more tests, and one of them is an equate lol. I know, I know... but it was calling to me and I couldn't resist!
Feel like smacking myself for using it now, but what's done is done.

Wish I could report that there is a line on it, but nope. Well there might be a super faint something on it, but it's SO faint that it could just be the ghost/2nd line showing up.
The wondfo is the same as well. Super super faint nothing on it. I mean just so faint that I shouldn't even mention it. So faint that anyone ANYONE else looking at the tests IRL would see absolutely nothing. But b/c I know where to look, of course I see something kind of thing... ya know?

              

Not putting much hope that the faint nothings that I see are anything special. I did take the strip out of the equate case and there is something super duper faint, but seriously, nothing to get excited about (doesn't mean I'm not obsessing though!). I'll keep an eye on it as it dries. See if it darkens or not. If it does, I'll try to get another photo heh.

I do now need more tests though lol.

Well, more "good" tests. I have 1 FRER and one First Response digital.

Symptoms. Boobs are feeling ok. Sore when handled, but not too bad.

Been getting some pretty significant aches on my right ovary since last night. Hoping it's the cyst that I ovulated from just producing progesterone and not a cyst growing.

Couldn't sleep for crap last night. I think this is more to do w/ just the anxiety of this. Plus the nap I took yesterday probably screwed things up too b/c I didn't fall asleep until midnight and I went to bed at 10. UGH.

Does that say what I think it does?

First.... lunch for today. FINALLY remembered to take a photo lol.

Fixed myself some steak and eggs. Eggs stuck to the pan so look a bit funky, but oh well heh.

____________
Now for something that lifted my mood a little bit. While my steak was cooking, decided to weigh myself again since for the past 2 days, I've been weighing after I've eaten lunch.

Yeah.... there's a 1 in front of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I shouldn't be weighing myself so much since come Saturday it may not remain that low, but still.. that was NICE to see :D

Not looking good

For now at least. It's not looking very promising. OPK is MUCH fainter and BFN on hpt.

If anything is going to show up, it better do it soon b/c I'm running out of luteal phase here. If I am really 10dpo like Fertility friend says I am, then I should start spotting tomorrow and AF will appear Saturday.
If I'm only 8dpo which I could be going by my temps, then I at least have a few more days.
Honestly, it's a struggle to cling on to hope that this could still happen.
Have to keep in mind my other BFP cycles, or well, kind of keep in mind. Both of my BFPs, I didn't get until 13dpo. But then again, both times m/c too so *shrugs*

A BFP post on one of the forums I go to just showed me how this whole thing changes you.
A women announced her BFP and said that she was so excited to give her child a sibling.
All I could think was "It must be nice to be so damn confident." To just KNOW that as soon as you get that 2nd line that it means you WILL be having a baby in 9 months.
I wish I could be that way.... to be able to rely on my body to do what it is supposed to.

I'm sorry this is a bit of a downer post. Just how I'm feeling right now. I'm not feeling completely hopeless at this point, but as I said, it's difficult trying to remain positive.

Is it REALLY TTC naturally?

When you are doping yourself up with a ton of herbs?
I dunno, guess I just have a problem with those who say they're TTC naturally, and then list out about a million and 1 pills they take every single day to help.
I'm not trying to rag on using herbs or anything like that. I know it works for a lot of folks and I take a few myself.
It's just the "naturally" part that bothers me is all. Not really a big deal or anything.
_____________

Oh some of our strawberries are turning red!
I picked this one yesterday b/c it had a big gash in it

I just washed it off and ate some anyway lol. There weren't any bugs on it and the gash didn't look like it was created by a bug so pfft, why not! It was SO good too, but DH didn't think it was anything special. Pffft.
There are 2 more that are close to ready. I think tomorrow I'll pick them.
Too bad there aren't more ripe ones yet, but there sure are a lot of green ones still!

Oh and color me shocked when I saw that there are some tomato plants coming in! I didn't plant them. They are coming in from the tomatoes that grew last year that I just let drop & rot.
Tomato plants are SUPER easy to grow, but I have absolutely NO luck with them. My tomatoes usually always end up with fruit rot, and last year these weird bugs were all over them.
Not planning on using any pesticides so it'll probably be the same thing again this time.

This one is for you...

SLESE1014!!!!


At least that's what I'm telling myself so I don't feel like too much of a POASaholic :P
Ask me to pee on something for ya and well, here ya go hehe
 
 
My afternoon PP must be better for tests b/c there's a super faint line on the hpt. I'm not being fooled again though. Not going to get my hopes up thinking it's anything but the trigger :P
2 photos of it... one just regular, and the other marked where the line is. Doubt the line shows in either photo but oh well hehe.
 

Weighed myself before taking a shower (and after lunch). Scale read 201 exactly O_O
It was 201 yesterday as well after lunch so hopefully it sticks or goes down even more by Saturday!

I know I haven't been talking about what I've been eating. One obsession takes over the other lol.

Oh and one more thing. Noticed yesterday that my face is starting to break out on my cheeks. They're not large pimples, just bumps right now, but still... I haven't had a pimple in this area since I was a teenager.
Who knows what is causing it... diet/losing weight= hormonal changes? or maybe pregnancy (plsplspls)... *shrugs*
Thought I would mention it though.

Still the trigger

Yesterday's tests were still the trigger shot it seems.
Disappointed, specially since they seemed darker than the day before, but oh well. I'm ok. There is still time to get a real BFP.
Here are the tests for today. Took 2 hpts. First had a dimple and I didn't want it to cause any kind of fault possibly so took another just to be sure.
These are def BFNs now, so at least whatever I get from this point on should be the real thing. Lets just hope that happens!

I could either be 7-9dpo going by temps. I think I may be closer to 7dpo, but ya never know. Fertility friend may be correct with their crosshairs.
I woke up 40mins earlier than my usual temp time. BLEH. My brain is going in to excited anxious mode so I just know I'm going to be waking earlier and earlier. SIGH.
Temp did go up to 98.17 though so woo!

Symptoms.... or well, possible symptoms. My ovaries are def aching. Both of them. I think it's most likely growing cysts causing it.
Yesterday, not gonna lie, I did think I was feeling some very slight crampy aches and pinches in the uterus. I can't remember what time it happened, but I know it did and I wasn't imagining anything.
Damn, wish I could be one of those women that get obvious cramping during implanting so I would know. Hate these cruel cruel tricks my body plays on me! lol
Oh and I forgot to mention that my boobs are still sore and full. Taking that as a good sign since they were easing up for a little while, then started to get sore again. Well, not the nips, but the whole bewbie. So FX that they just keep getting more and more sore. Yes, I want super sore bewbs!!!

One more post

Before I go watch a movie to try to keep my mind off of this.

I just took another HPT.... and the line is still there. So unless I just got unlucky and picked 2 faulty tests, then it IS a real 2nd line on it.
But of course, as I've said, it could still be the trigger. I think by tomorrow, if it is the trigger, it will be gone, but if the line is still there tomorrow, then, well... yeah O_O

It's the same test, just taken w/ 2 different settings on the camera. Tried marking where the line is w/ pencil.

The line is still very difficult to see in photos, but oh well. FXFXFXFX!!

Another photo. The line is showing up really well on the test right now. Tried getting a better photo of it. Adjusting the light/contrast helps to make the 2nd line pop out more. SIGH, still not v/ dark though.

See.... I knew Tuesday would be when the crazy kicked in!! lol

Obsessing? Who? Me?

And here's the HPT dried! hehe
Really wanted to get a photo of the line on it so I wouldn't feel like I was just seeing things.
It's still difficult to see in this photo, but it is there!
Man, I really hope this is the start of something good. PLEASE let it be!

Maybe, pretty please?

Tests for today. I usually stop taking my OPKs by now, or actually sooner than now, but meh... they're there so why not.

I'm going to say still BFN, even though there's an ever so faint line on the HPT IRL. It could def be the trigger still, but I'm hoping not of course. FX that it keeps getting darker :D I may whip out a better test tomorrow if something appears on the wondfo again.
OOOO now that I'm driving, I can just go out and get more on my own! No more hoping that DH gets me some! WOO! lol

There have been feelings down there, but I'm hesitant to even mention them b/c honestly, it could just be bowel or the progest sups causing things to occur.
I've been getting ovary aches. I know that's not bowel, but it could be due to cysts. Getting a small amount on the left side mainly with a little on the right as well.
The stuff that could be bowel is the full feeling I'm having down there. I could really feel it when I laid on my stomach last night and when I laid on my back as well.
*shrugs*

Oh and my temp did go back up this morning to 97.96. Don't like seeing post O temps still in the 97's, but I am taking them SUPER early. This morning I woke up at 2:45 to take it. SIGH.


Oh and forgot that my right bewbie was really aching this morning when I got up. Kinda strange since for the trigger, my left one seemed to be the one that got more sensitive and now it's the other way around. Well not with the nips but the whole bewbie.
Sitting here groping my chest right now to see if they're sorer or not. DH would LOVE this show lol.

A-Z's

Got the idea from http://lisabttc.blogspot.com/ who got it from http://adventuresofendointhearctic.blogspot.com/

Thought it was a great idea while I'm up this early waiting to get back to bed :D

A. Age when you started TTC: Me- 29, DH- 30

B. Baby Dancing or Sex: BDing on the cycles we're trying, drunken hot sex on the cycles we don't ;)

C. Children wanted: DH wants 2, I would love 3 or 4. I'd be happy with just one at this point.


D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: 3 dogs, 1 cat, and a bunch of fish :)


E. Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: Prenatal (of course), Fish Oil w/ Vit D, Baby Aspirin, Metformin, Synthroid, Super Primrose Oil, Royal Jelly, Inositol

F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken: Clomid, Femara, Micro-HCG, Follistim, Progesterone Suppositories & Provera (guess those last 2 really aren't fert meds, but b/c I take them pretty much b/c we're ttc, then I count them as such)

G. Gain: Suprisindly not weight! At least something good came from all of this. Gained a better understanding of just how screwed up my body is and the lengths that I will go to get my take home baby.

H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Yep, all clear and everything looked good.

I. Infertile Pet Peeves: Oh man, where to start?! Ungrateful fertiles is my biggest. I HATE it when parents complain about their kids and think it's SO hilarious to suggest to us that we should just take their kids and it will change our mind. Oh ha ha.... excuse me while I bash my head open on this wall so I won't have to listen to your dumbass any longer.

J. Job title: Erm.... nothing...Wife, I guess :P heh

K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: Zoey, Addison, Elliott, Alexander. We have the name Ziggy picked out as well, but don't think we'll have any trouble with someone taking that one lol.

L. Length of time TTC: 2 years and 5 months

M. Miscarriages: 2


N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: None. Same obgyn, and same RE that she referred me to

O. Ovarian quality: No idea... good I hope! EDIT: I guess I completely forgot that my ovaries don't work on their own. DER. But they seem to work fine w/ lots and lots of follistim :D

P. POAS or wait for AF: POAS! I am a pee stick champ!

Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "If I liked being pregnant, I'd be a surrogate for you.", " Just take my kids and it will change your mind!", " JUST adopt!"

S. Sperm: Tastes gross, but gotta do what ya gotta do........ Ew... seriously though lol. Everything fine in that department.

T. Time you tried naturally: We tried about 7 months before seeking help. Wouldn't really call it naturally since I was trying to self medicate with a ton of herbal crap that never worked.

U. Uterus quality: Pretty darn good, but apparently not good enough for an egg to want to stick!

V. Vagina: Uhm... haven't gotten any complaints?

W. What baby stuff do you already have?: Just small decorative items for the nursery that I really need to continue working on. OH and the onesie that I surprised DH with when I got my first BFP.

X. X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?: In my RL, just 2. DH and my cousin. Others know we're struggling, but they don't know EVERYTHING.

Y. Yearly Exam (do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?: Yep

Z. Zits: Still get them, but not nearly as bad as I used to.

Mmmmm

For lunch, I had some cabbage! YUM!
Not sure how I prepare it... would it be considered boiling or steaming?

Anywho, it was a whole head of cabbage that I chopped up in to large - semi-large pieces. Put in to the pan. Poured on a ton of pepper (probably around 1/4c worth), salt, and poured beef broth over it. I'd say about a cup or so. Bring to a boil, then turned it down to medium. Placed some aluminum foil over it and cooked for about 25minutes until tender. AWESOME!!
Love it, could eat this every single day.

So glad I grew up not being very picky about my food. Leaves SO many more options for this way of eating... unlike poor DH who is pretty picky.

Mystery probably solved

Mystery of why my calves hurt like a SoB.
I wore my vibrams (toe shoes) to the flea market that day! Even though I was JUST walking, I guess walking differently in those shoes did something. I mean I've worn them out before, but never for that long and doing that much walking.
Seems to be a pretty common occurance for people that use the shoes for the first time to run in.

SO yep..... not pregnancy related unfortunatly ;) Lets hope that temp dip is though!

Found a great website that shows the differences in running w/ regular shoes, running w/ the vibrams and running barefoot w/ slow motion videos.
I found it pretty interesting. If any of you are runners or know runners that don't already have vibrams, maybe mention it to them :D
http://www.runblogger.com/2009/12/vibram-fivefingers-and-barefoot-running.html

Tests and a whole mess load of photos

So... let the obsessing begin! Thought I could hold it off until tomorrow, but I had a slight temp drop today at possible 7dpo, so you know what that means. All of my thoughts have been "OMG is this implantation dip? I wonder when I'll get a + hpt if it is!?" SIGH
I'm really trying not to get my hopes up but it's difficult.

Hpt today... I'm calling it a negative. There's a hint of the ever so faintest line, but it is barely there, so just saying it's neg. Hoping it will start to get darker again and continue getting darker this time!

_____________
Next up, some more photos! Not of bunnies, but of the other animals that they have up there.
We'll start off with the chickens first.

This is a photo of the big chicken area that DH's uncle and aunt built with scrap parts. It's not pretty but it keeps the chickens safe, gives them shelter, and gives them a lot of space to move around.

A few photos of their chickens. They're spoiled rotten. They treat them as pets, which I think is great. They're friendly little birds and come right up to you if you get close. Of course they're probably just wanting some food but still lol.

They had one die recently. It was another brown colored one. They're hoping it's not a contagious disease but just in case have been giving the chickens antibiotics.

Here's MiL's rooster that always hangs around trying to find a way inside. He's a gorgeous fella. If they ever did want to breed, he'd be a good candidate.

Another one of MiL's roosters. This one... from the neck down is pretty lol. It's not diseased or anything, these are just the way they look with the naked bare necks. He didn't care about the chickens in the shelter, he was following his own women :P

Random caterpillar that I saved from getting turned in to chicken food.

One of the sweetest cats ever. He LOVES attention and doesn't bother any of the animals. I think when they moved up to this property, he decided they looked like good people and moved in with them :P lol

Minature goats. They're not very small, but I guess compared to regular ones they are. I think they had all of their males fixed, so no more babies :(

Guineas! Very noisy birds that didn't want me coming anywhere near them lol.

Turkeys. They used to have more, but their untrained dogs have killed plenty of them. Their dogs... UGH don't get me started.

Pigs. One is a regular pig that they were raising for food. They had another large one that they did slaughter, and even though to this day (years later), MiL still talks about how awesome it was, she doesn't want to kill this one b/c she felt so bad about the last one, so it's now a pet along witht he other animals.
The other pig is a mix between a regular pig and a pot belly that someone gave to them when they couldn't take care of it. They used to have 2 more pot belly pigs. One gotten the same way, and the other given as a gift, but both of them died fairly recently.

Drool spot from one of MiL's dogs that got out of the fence. Sigh.... I was grossed out more by this than the bunny pee.

The dog that did it. He's a sweet dog, don't get me wrong, but BLEH. He's known to roll in some disgusting stuff.
He's the sibling of our black dog Kiwi.

And finally some questionable looking plants. They have a problem with drug dealers in their area. Specially ones that use their dirt road through their property. I don't think this is what it resembles, but with the people in the area... ya never know.