Thursday, April 7, 2011

*Insert witty title here*

I can never think of what to title my posts... SIGH. I'm Soooooooo not a clever person.

But anywho....
Here are the tests for today. PP was pretty diluted so could be why the HPT is SO light already, or maybe not *shrugs*
My temp was up a little more this morning. 97.86 so yay for that at least. FF has me at 3dpo. I'm either 2 or 3. Hell, maybe even 1, who knows.
I'm not feeling obsessed just yet. I know that's going to change around Monday or Tuesday.
I REALLY hope this pineapple things works... or just SOMETHING works and I get my sticky bean.
I'm so tired of this journey.. I just want to be in the next part already.

There was a post on forums that I go to that really rang true to me.
The person was talking about what it feels like to m/c so many times.
At first, yes it's heartbreaking when it happens, but you get that sense of hope that "Oh yay! I CAN get pregnant at least."
But any BFP after it is completely changed. You don't feel that pure excitement any longer. The excitement and celebration is replaced by fear and caution.
There was another thread asking how people would announce their BFP. I told the truth.... first one, I gave the onesie and the HPT to DH..... the 2nd time... I just told him nonchalantly, like it wasn't a big deal. I didn't want to celebrate b/c of how the first one ended up. How sad is that?
I'm sure this time will be exactly the same.
Although I have high hopes, there will ALWAYS be that fear that things will go wrong. I don't think it will ever go away until I'm about to pop the baby out of my hooha. I could say I'd be fine when I see the heartbeat, but no.. I probably wouldn't be.

Anyways...... yeah, just had to get that out there. I'm really not feeling negative at this point, but the concern is always there.

As for my trigger dream. It wasn't sexual tonight. Dreamt I was back in high school and I was in glee club with, yep, the cast from Glee lol. We were headed out of practice and in to another class when all of a sudden, the select "elite" group of singers bust out in to a song leaving the rest of us nobodies just standing there with our thumbs up our butts wondering why we weren't included.
Can't remember the song they were singing.
The dream had more to it than that, but I just thought that was the best part :P

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