Wednesday, February 9, 2011

An hour or so to go...

And the wait is killing me!!!
I know so many women would love to be in my shoes right now. To even get a BFP! I just can't help but feel so cautious and scared to death about this.
Specially after the first one. I got SO excited when I got my first BFP. I cried with DH, I celebrated, I did everything you're supposed to do and then the tests didn't get darker and my world came crashing down.

I hate feeling this way. I hate going to the pregnant boards and seeing so many of the women celebrating, while I'm just skulking about waiting for the worst to happen. I feeling like I'm the only one who is worried sick that this isn't going to stick once again.
I just put a pregnancy ticker up and I'm scared that that somehow jinxed everything.

I know if I do end up m/cing again. There isn't anything that could've been done to prevent it most likely. Still doesn't mean I won't feel like a complete failure though.

I hate this so much. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that I got a BFP, but why can't just SOMETHING happen that could ease my mind. I'm just so tired of being scared about this.
If everything is fine, then fantastic. I'll be the happiest person ever.
But if this isn't a sticky bean again, then pls let it just end soon.

1 comment:

Tia said...

(((hugs))) I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm praying that your betas show good numbers and that you have a nice sticky bean this time around.