I started watching the documentary called "A Man Named Pearl" on Netflix.
It's about a guy here in South Carolina that taught himself how to do topiary. His stuff isn't animals that you usually see. His are more abstract shapes.
Anywho, near the beginning, a black screen came up that said SC state motto is "Dum spiro spero" which translates to "While I breathe, I hope".
I broke down when I saw it. Hell I'm crying about it right now. It just reflects how I've always felt about this whole TTC/Infertility mess.
Even in those really dark moments, I'm still hopeful. It may not feel like, I may not even know it, but I am.
It's such a simple phrase but it has really hit me to the core.
As for the freak out. I took a late shower. Used the bathroom before, nada on the tp.
Took a shower as usual, started drying, swiped down there, and looked and there was something on the towel that looked like it could be blood. My heart sank. I hopped out of the shower and quickly grabbed a flushable wipe and wiped again, but nothing.
Now the towel I was using has old paint stains on it. I think that could be what it was, but it sure did look just like spotting. I'm still not positive, but I hope it was just paint.