Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Well there went my good mood

DH came home... had a look on his face and asked if his mom called me.
All I could think was "Why the hell would his mom call ME of all people?"
I ask him why, he tells me that his sister (the younger one) may be pregnant.
I know it's better to hear it from him but good god that is not what I wanted to hear.
It's not even about wanting to have the first grandchild any longer. It's just yet another reminder that I can't get pregnant. Just another reminder that the only 2 times I did, they ended before I could even feel anything.
That the ONLY chances we have is with expensive medication that we can't afford right now.
It's not fucking fair that it feels like every other woman in the GD world has a chance every month while broken me doesn't.
Yes I am wallowing in self pity but fuck it... I don't care. I'm going to b/c I deserve to with all of the shit I have to go through to even have a frickin chance.

6 comments:

One Cycle at a Time said...

I'm so sorry!!!! That fucking sucks!!!! Its soooo hard when it happens to other people so easily. You deserve some self-pity here... so take all you need. Sending hugs your way.

My Fertility Roller Coaster... said...

Oh I am so sorry.. I know how u feel.. My SIL was pregnant before me & my 18 Year old niece.. I am so sorry.. Nothing anyone says or does makes the pain any less painful..
U wallow in ur self pitty I always do..
Sending love and cuddles ur way xxx

Ashley said...

My husband's sister announced that she was pregnant at one of our very low points back in November. It was a time when we both had just come to the realization something was wrong and that our desire to have a baby was probably only going to happen with the help of medical science. I will be honest I felt like we deserved it more, but I had to learn to let go. So we wouldn't be having the first grandchild on the hubbs' side, but hopefully that wont make a difference. I have come along way since November, I even offered to help through the baby shower, but I still have my moments and days when I just want to scream at everyone that we are still here and struggling.
The pain doesn't go away, that is for sure. I send my virtual hugs your way and pray today is a better day for you!

SLESE1014 said...

I'm so sorry...I know exactly how that feels...Sending you hugs!!

Kerrik said...

I'm so sorry hun, but I am glad that you husband was the one who told you and not the MIL.
I think I've started to live in dread of calls from certain people I know are trying right now.

*HUGS*

Tia said...

Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry. I've been in this situation a couple of times with family members and it just sucks. ((hugs))